The 10 good things about the 2014/15 season

Cheer up you miserable fuckers. Just because we got relegated, have alienated all our players, have an uncertain future and are the laughing stock of the football world, it’s not all bad. In fact, there were plenty of good things about his season. Well, ten anyway, if you really scrape the bottom of a barrel. Here they are… 

1. The arrival of the most handsome man in football. If not the world… 

It's a novel approach for a football club to employ a professional interpreter and then ask him to be goalkeeping coach in his spare time. But never mind that, for it was enough to stare into Rob Gagliardi's dreamy eyes and be beguiled by his long, flowing locks as he calmly translated the demented ramblings of Fabio Liverani into English. Gagliardi is possibly one of the reasons the Orient players were entirely unable to concentrate throughout each game, for if someone that thunderingly handsome is delivering the team talk who can blame them for taking to the pitch with all sorts of conflicting emotions?

2. The second coming of Marvin Bartley 

There’s only one Orient player who can claim to have had a better season than last, and that’s Marvin Bartley, baby. The reason is that for the midfielder to have had a worse season than last, he’d have had to have scored 47 own goals or accidentally sliced off Kevin Lisbie’s legs with a kitchen knife. Still, improvement must be applauded and there were few sights as thrilling this season as Marvin Bartley bludgeoning his way through the midfield towards goal and almost certain dispossession. If he keeps improving at this rate by 2032 we’re going to have a hell of a fifth-choice central midfielder in our squad. 

3. The hallucinogenic madness of the man of the match awards

Dagnall: played out of his skin

In seasons past a couple of representatives from the matchday sponsors would rock up at Brisbane Road, try to be polite about the quality of the food in Theo’s restaurant and then award the man of the match to Dean Cox. Job done. Not this season though, where the man of the match awards have become some sort of avant-garde parody of the club. Against Crewe, for example, Chris Dagnall scored about 11 goals, made 39 assists and played out of his skin to such an extent he was tearing around the pitch in a blur of veins, arteries and mucus. Despite all that, the sponsors gave the man of the match award to Romain Vincelot, who was at the time back home watching his beard. 

4. The Orient podcasts

E10 Mess and a walking, talking bad hair day 

It’s typical isn’t it. You wait forever for an Orient podcast then four turn up at once. But what a pleasure it was to follow our catastrophe of a season in the company of Orient Ramble, E10 Mess, Orient Outlook and Whipps Cross Weekly. Each had its own unique charm – E10 Mess’s hilarious tribute songs; Whipp Cross Weekly’s incisive analysis; Orient Outlook’s revealing interviews; and Orient Ramble’s lengthy diversions into the merits of various savoury snacks – and each deserves a lot of credit for the amount of effort put in by their creators. 

5. The enigma of Gianvito Plasmati

Gianvito Plasmati 

If there’s one player who can hold his head up high this season, it’s Gianvito Plasmati. Only in the literal sense though: he's 6ft 6in. He introduced himself to Brisbane Road by emitting a bloodcurdling scream and poleaxing himself to the ground after hearing a whispered insult from a Preston midfielder. It went downhill from there, though it’s hard to dislike a guy who despite his many limitations played each game with all the bounding enthusiasm of a retarded cocker spaniel. He’ll probably tear up League Two.

6. The comeuppance of Jamie Jones and George Porter

Whatever possessed Jamie Jones to send (and then hastily delete) a tweet goading the fans of the club that gave him his chance in professional football and paid his wages for six seasons? Probably amoeba-like levels of stupidity. Still, the last laugh was on us as the goalkeeper was unceremoniously shipped out on loan from Preston. See you in League Two, Scouse! George Porter, meanwhile, is a bell-end of monumental proportions, but after mocking his former club’s relegation was on the receiving end of this zinger from Craig Delew: “From Burnley to Maidstone, if Carlsberg did failed careers..." 

7. Tell ‘em about the honey, Andrea

Andrea Dossena

Remember Andrea Dossena's volleyed scissor kick from the touchline in his home debut? Well that was the solitary highlight of the ex-Liverpool star's season as he subsequently took it upon himself to try to single-handedly relegate the club with defending of the most kamikaze order. So it was with much mirth that Orient fans greeted the news that Dossena had been arrested over a jar of Harrods honey, entirely forgetting to pay for it almost as if he was supposed to be marking it at a corner. Thereon the jokes wrote themselves: “Hope he hires a good lawyer because he’s no good at defending himself.” And so forth.

8. The performances of Eldin Jakupovic Mk II

What’s the world record for the number of goals conceded by a football club in a single season? Well, whatever it is Orient would have beaten it in 2014/15 were it not for the magnificence of Alex Cisak. With a defence failing calamitously to get to grips with zonal marking, the goalkeeper must have felt like a president being assassinated by knife-wielding assailants while his bodyguards fiercely guarded random patches of ground nearby. That he is even spoken about in the same breath as Eldin Jakupovic is testament to his contribution. 

9. The die-hard fantaticism of Giulia Salemi 

Giulia Salemi has been a die-hard fan of Leyton Orient since birth and has religiously followed the fortunes of the club her whole life by sometimes reading the BBC Sport website. It was for this reason she was chosen as the co-host of the Italian reality show “Leyton Orient". Coincidentally she is also a former Miss Italia and a model of some repute. Coincidentally she also just fired her agent. What to make of all of this? Well, why don’t you ask her yourself? She’s bound to be in the Coach and Horses before our key relegation clash with Barnet next season. 

10. The ever-patient Orient fans

Yes, that’s you lot. In a season in which the club didn’t bother to communicate, collaborate or try to win any matches the vast majority of Orient fans have shown vast wells of resilience and good humour. 1-0 down against Rochdale away, staring down the barrel of League Two and you were still singing your hearts out. Nearly 1,000 of you turned up to watch Orient get relegated at Swindon. And even when you were frustrated, you showed it in a uniquely Orient way, as captured in the tweet of the season from Craig Rodhouse: “Only at Orient. A fan throws his season ticket at the bench on the last home game of the season. We know how to protest.” 

Leyton Orient 3 Port Vale 1, 28/3/15

A game which... played out like a trippy 60s movie, such was the mind-bending surreality of the afternoon. Where to even begin: Matt Baudry sparring with a pigeon? Matchday announcer Philip Othen being forced to read out a message from President Becchetti slagging off Darius Henderson for turning up late? Gianvito Plasmati getting on the pitch? David Mooney saying this: "In the first half I thought we were excellent"? Weirded-out, freaky shit, man.   

Let's start with the football: Orient were in fact apocalyptically atrocious in the first half. Mercifully someone appeared to spike Port Vale's half-time Powerade with LSD for the opponents played the second 45 minutes as if transfixed by the kaleidoscopic colours and shifting shapes of Brisbane Road. So while their opponents were pointing at clouds and giggling, the Os took advantage – they could hardly not – and at the end of the afternoon had three points to show for it, which thankfully proved not to be a hallucination. 

Jump off your seat moment... Dean Cox's stunning winner gets an honourable mention of course, but let's instead focus on Orient's second goal. Now, I'm not saying that the way Port Vale conceded was the most embarrassing thing that has ever happened in the whole history of Brisbane Road – that was David Mooney's woefully-missed penalty, minutes later – but by God it was cringeworthy. 

With the ball plummeting out of the sky substitute keeper Sam Johnson – whose performance suggested he was actually just a random bloke pulled out of the crowd – inexplicably stood immobile while a grateful Jake Taylor headed the ball nowhere useful, only for Vale defender Neill Collins to bewilderingly slice the ball into his own net. Guys, if we somehow stay up, you two will be fighting for our player of the season award. 

BOOOO!!! 

Give that man a medal... It's not often that a substitute gets a standing ovation as he takes to the pitch. In fact, as Gianvito Plasmati found out to his cost, some fans are more likely to boo our own players. (Come on guys, let's get off the lanky Italian's back. You wouldn't heckle a bowl of spaghetti bolognese before you even take a bite of it, would you? Even if every previous time you've eaten spaghetti bolognese it's made you violently ill.) 

Anyway, I'm talking the rapturous reception afforded to Lloyd James. And what a joy it was to see the return of a central midfielder who can pass the ball in a direction other than sideways or backwards. 

Taxi for... Chris Dagnall. Now, I'm not questioning the Scouse striker's hamster-in-a-wheel work-rate. But I am questioning the fact that Dagnall seems to have developed a nasty habit of hitting the woodwork when presented with a gaping open goal. He did it twice today (and once against Yeovil and once against Barnsley). And if we're going to get out of this relegation mess, we're going to need the striker to start burying his chances. Either that or we need to play Port Vale every week. 

"Fuck the technical shit"... Clearly our illustrious president Sr Becchetti has no confidence in Fabio Liverani's ability to motivate his team and today decided to take matters into his own hands. What happened was this: Darius Henderson turned up four hours late to the game after getting stuck in traffic, a fitting metaphor for the timing of his runs into the box on the football pitch. 

Presuming that the striker needed some sort of kick up his sizeable arse, the president issued instruction to matchday announcer Philip Othen to ironically thank him during the half-time announcements. ON WHAT FOOTBALLING PLANET IS THIS OK? That's right, Planet Orient. Next week: president Becchetti orders Gary Sawyer to sit on a naughty step for turning up to training with his shirt hanging out. 

Meanwhile on Twitter... "Magnanimous effort from the lads today..." wrote hipster keeper Adam Legzdins, almost certainly meaning "magnificent" not "magnanimous", unless he truly was heralding his teammates' generosity in forgiving an insult. 

Or maybe he was? Perhaps he'd mocked them for buying coffee at Starbucks or not knowing the difference between milk stout and porter ale? Who even knows anymore? Tune in next week for more from the psychedelic world of Leyton Orient... *Twilight Zone music* 

Leyton Orient 3 Oldham Athletic 0, 21/2/15

Fabio Liverani

A game in which... Fabio Liverani ripped off his shirt, beat his chest and declared with a guttural, primal roar: "FUCK THE LOT OF YOU, I'M PLAYING WITH TWO WINGERS AND TWO LEFT-BACKS. WHAT YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?" Or maybe the manager was simply forced into selecting a team with a bit of width by virtue of Bradley Pritchard's injury.

Either way it worked, for this was a joyous return to the Orient of old: spirited, committed and energetic. It also demonstrated that we do actually have a talented group of players and if someone – Liverani? Donatelli? Nugent? Ada the kit man? – can get them to continue playing together as they did today we may still get out of this mess. 

Jump off your seat moment... The moment loanee goalkeeper Alex Cisak saved brilliantly from Jonathan Forte's penalty. If he puts in more fine performances like today's it might finally allow some closure for the Orient fans still heartbroken by the loss of our previous hero between the sticks. No, not Jamie Jones you bloody idiots, Eldin Jakupovic. *swoon* 

Jobi McAnuff marks his debut by wearing mascara

Give that man a medal... Any number of players could have been named man of the match today – Sawyer, Wright, Vincelot, Baudry or Cisak for starters – but let's instead celebrate a player making his Orient debut today: Jobi McAnuff. Yes, yes, the stats might tell you it was the winger's 25th appearance for the club, but it was the first time fans actually saw the player we thought we'd bought in the summer. 

Taxi for... Everyone played well, so let's just single out one moment involving the otherwise excellent Chris Dagnall. Put clean through on goal by Josh Wright, what would you expect the Liverpudlian language-mangler to do? a) Shoot b) Side-foot the ball to David Mooney who, instead of tapping it into an open net, elects to throw himself to the ground appealing for an imaginary foul, only to find he was 40 yards offside the whole time or c) back heel the ball 15 yards back up the pitch to a waiting Oldham defender. If you answered c, you're bonkers. But also correct. 

Liverani tinkers with today's formation

"Fuck the technical shit"... When today's team sheet was announced only those with a doctorate in applied mathematics could have figured out what formation that particular combination of 11 players could possibly line up in. Luckily Dean Cox put in a call to his old mucker Professor Jimmy Smith who advised "4-4-2 #LEGOOOOOO!" And so it was that Fabio Liverani inadvertently stumbled across a decent starting XI. (Albeit one that he will almost certainly ditch as soon as Bradley Pritchard is fit again.) 

Meanwhile on Twitter... This bizarre exchange between ex-England captains Will Carling and Michael Vaughan in which they discuss one-time Orient carthorse Colin West. (As discovered by Chas Portch.) What next, Miley Cyrus and Lady Gaga debating the relative merits of James Scowcroft? Stephen Fry and Barack Obama arguing over Adrian Patulea?

Leyton Orient 0 Notts County 1, 10/2/15

A game in which... Orient played like a ship without a rudder. Or an engine. Or an anchor. Or a captain. Or a crew. Or a map. Or a radio. Or a lifeboat... Obviously I could go on listing essential components of hazard-free sailing, but what I'm trying to illustrate is that this a club that is all at sea.

Or to put it non-nautically, this performance – or total lack of one – was evidence not only of certain relegation, but a deep, deep malaise running through every aspect of this football club. Now would be an appropriate time to make some sort of comparison between Orient and the Titanic, but I think that might be unfair on the Titanic.

Jump off your seat moment... The Orient fans were on their feet tonight for sure, but only to sing a vociferous rendition of "You don't know what you're doing" at Fabio Liverani for his bewildering substitution of Chris Dagnall. The Scouse striker was at least looking industrious – albeit in the manner of a barely-functioning steel works in a long-forgotten northern town.

Just think, Josh, you could have been
doing this instead... 

Give that man a medal... How Josh Wright must be ruing the day he told the producers of The Only Way Is Essex that he'd rather pursue his career as a professional footballer than join his brother and sister on the set of everyone's sixth-favourite ITV2 show. Don't get me wrong, Wright still played appallingly, just not quite as appallingly as everyone else.

Taxi for... Romain Vincelot had his worst game in an Orient shirt, so was inevitably awarded man of the match by today's sponsors in what's becoming a regular injection of deep, dark satire into each game. Everyone else was equally as shit but they can't all fit in a taxi, so let's instead call one for Fabio Liverani who – if we're lucky – might end up accidentally requesting a fare to Rome while stumbling through his English phrasebook.

"Fuck the technical shit..." Let's leave aside Fabio Liverani's bat-shit mental team selection, formation, tactics and substitutions for the moment, and focus on the fact that he spent the entire first half doing nothing but repeatedly urging Bradley Pritchard to move slightly to the left or right. Nothing else. Just that. I might point out that moving Bradley Pritchard anywhere other than outside of the stadium is unlikely to have a discernible effect on the team's fortunes, but more importantly it is now crystal clear that Liverani has zero chance of turning this round. Zero.

Meanwhile on BBC London... Francisco Becchetti speaks! Just when you thought the Grand Almighty Supreme Overlord-in-Chief of Leyton Orient (I'm contractually-obliged to use his official title) was too busy firing English-speaking staff and making hilarious videos to deign us with his presence, Franny pops up on the radio. And he has some good news for fans! Never mind about all the losing and the impending relegation and the ripping the soul out of the club stuff – you're always moaning about something you lot, lolz! – because according to Mr Becchetti a couple of young people in Italy asked him for Orient shirts. Every cloud...

Leyton Orient 4 Crewe Alexandra 1, 22/11/14

A game in which... Orient finally threw the monkey – I say monkey, more like a King Kong-sized gorilla – off their back and won a league game at home. Yes, today the players beat their chests and roared, putting in a performance that bristled with energy and impetus.

Particularly pleasing was the reappearance of some of the elements we've been missing from last season – "passing", "defending" and "scoring", for example – and the fact that even when Crewe got one back we didn't totally fall apart. Much to enjoy.

Jump off your seat moment... The jaw dropping moment in the first half when our new left back attempted a mid-air volleyed shot from the touch line about 40 yards out. Who the hell does he think he is, Andrea Dossena of Liverpool, Napoli and the Italian national team? Seriously though, this guy has more than a touch of class, and if that's what £12,000 a week of Albanian waste management money gets you, I'm all for it.

Give that man a medal... Excellent stuff from Vincelot, Mooney, Wright and more, but Lord Almighty, where did that performance from Chris Dagnall come from? The bearded goal-nipper was everywhere, scampering around like he'd just ingested a bucket-load of street ketamine and was trying to gain entry to every single Liverpool nightclub in the space of 90 minutes. This was not only his best display in an Orient shirt, but possibly the best display by anyone ever in an Orient shirt, or even the best display by any footballer in all of history. Which brings me to...

Taxi for... the match sponsors Anderson Travel. One can only imagine how many bottles of Theo's restaurant's famous paint stripper-flavoured wine they had drunk before deciding that Chris Dagnall's one beautiful goal and THREE ASSISTS did not merit their man of the match award. Sure, their recipient Romain Vincelot played well too, but his mantelpiece is already straining under the weight of the 48 awards he received from the Supporters' Club for his 48 appearances last season. Let's hope Anderson Travel don't apply the same logic for awarding man of the match to their coach trips. "Oh, you wanted Cornwall mate? We're taking you to Bradford instead. Same difference, hey?"

"Fuck the technical shit"... Mauro Milanese once again saved his job by not losing two games in a row, and this time he did it in style. Clearly he's trying to get his Orient team to play the ball along the floor, which is nice. He also seems to have figured out how to stop us conceding from set pieces, principally by getting Kevin Dearden to yell madly from the touchline to tell each player who they should be marking. And with in-form Simpson and Lowry both to come back, things are looking brighter at Brisbane Road.

Meanwhile on Twitter... ADAM LEGZDINS HAS BEEN ARRESTED! As this mug shot demonstrates, it seems our hipster keeper has been in trouble with the law. What could have been his crime? Speeding down Dalston High Street on his hipster unicycle? Forgetting to pay for his cold-pressed organic soy milk latte? Not having enough tattoos of swallows? No, actually, this is just a promo shot for Adam's hipster barber. At ease everyone.

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Leyton Orient 2 Northampton Town 0, 11/11/14

A game in which... the 48 fans that bothered to turn up saw things they wouldn't believe: an Orient player score a one-on-one, a Marvin Bartley goal, a home victory... And all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain. 

Yes, that's right readers, I'm almost certainly alienating 75% of you by trying to riff on the 1982 sci-fi film Blade Runner, but tonight did feel like a glimpse into the future. And by that I mean we'll probably fare ok when we're in League Two next season. Just kidding – actually there were signs of progress in a more solid defensive performance, an industrious display in midfield and encouraging interplay between strikers Simpson and Dagnall. Not quite time to die yet, then. (Here endeth the Blade Runner references.) 

Jump off your seat moment... A delightfully mazy run into the penalty box by Chris Dagnall at the start of the second half. He weaves left, he weaves right, he weaves left again, he briefly stumbles over his own Scouse accent, he breaks free on the edge of the six-yard box, he sets himself up for goal of the season... Oh, he's spooned his shot into the far corner of the south stand. Still, a great shift by the bearded goal-nipper. 

Give that man a medal... Now, Marvin Bartley was by no means the best player on the pitch tonight, but he possibly wasn't the worst and, by Christ, that's progress. A couple of his passes weren't backwards, a couple of his tackles weren't mistimed and – to top it all – he sealed victory with a well-taken goal that almost certainly wasn't a miscued cross. Do the Bartman? Yes I do. 

Taxi for... Gary Sawyer. Not because he played badly – he didn't – but because with the arrival of Champions League-pedigreed Andrea Dossena it looks like his days of being fifth-choice left-back after Omozusi, Lowry, Pritchard, Ling and Ada the kit man are numbered. Personally I always thought that when he wasn't being torn apart by Carl Baker he was pretty decent. Wanna make something of it? 

"Fuck the technical shit"... Mauro Milanese might just have saved his job with his first win in four attempts as Orient's caretaker-interim-temporary-manager. How did he do it? By playing the 11 fit professionals available to him mostly in their correct positions. But, joking aside, this was a markedly improved performance and from tiny seeds a mighty trunk may grow. Which begs the question: what the hell did he have planted in his head to explain that hair? 

Meanwhile on Twitter... For on-loan Orient midfielder Josh Wright there are many advantages to being the less-famous sibling to Mark Wright of The Only Way is Essex and Strictly Come Dancing and Jess Wright of The Only Way Is Essex and... well, just that. He gets VIP entry to Faces, Gants Hill, for example while lesser names such as, ooh, let's say Jimmy Smith, are left #fuming in the queue. But perhaps the best is that he gets Orient cup cakes made for him bearing his likeness, as seen in this photo he tweeted last week. Eat my face! 

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Peterborough United 2 Leyton Orient 3, 2/9/14

Orient's formation tonight 

A game in which... Russell Slade didn't just rip up the football book of tactics, but doused it in petrol, set it alight and scattered its burning embers over the London Road turf. Yes, by fielding four central defenders, four central midfielders and two centre forwards, the manager played a team so lacking in width that it was like watching 11 players do the conga for 90 minutes.

Not that it prevented Orient recording a relatively straightforward victory over the league leaders – despite playing much of the second half with only 10 men – and there were plenty of signs that things are going in the right direction this season.

Jump off your seat moment... The moment that led to Orient's second goal when Lloyd James released Chris Dagnall with an outside-of-the-boot pass so sublime it was almost as if he actually meant it. Just kidding: this was no accident and was the leek-flavoured icing on the Welsh cake of a superb performance by Orient's midfield playmaker.

Give that man a medal... Despite Lloyd James's heroics and another commanding display by Gary Woods, it was Chris Dagnall who swiped the man-of-the-match fake Champagne tonight – and for good reason. The little Scouse terrier was a constant menace, scoring two goals and setting up the other. But don't listen to me, hear it from the man himself in his post-match interview in which he screeched: "Laaaaaaa wheeee laaaa eeeee llaaaa wheee laaa laaaa llama whee." Or something like that.

Don't worry Marvin, there's always this...

Taxi for... Oh Marvin Bartley. Stitched up like a kipper for Peterborough's first goal, wasteful in possession and demonstrating an alarming inability to control a football. It turns out the midfielder used to install double glazing for a living –  and he certainly continues to deliver twice the pane for Orient fans whenever he's on the pitch. Sorry.

"Fuck the technical shit"... What is Russell Slade's preferred staring XI? Well, it's September and still only one man knows the answer to this... so if anyone comes across that man can you ask him to tell Russell what it is. Woods or Legzdins in goal? Mooney or Henderson up front? Omozusi or Lowry at left back? Bartley or a packet of Monster Munch on the bench? Tough decisions for the manager.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Much consternation from Os fans tonight over the Sky Sports commentary team's relentless drooling over Peterborough. After the 34,000th mention of the fact that Posh have a relatively young team Kris Hood was moved to tweet this picture of their fresh-faced players. At one point co-commentator and professional idiot Garry Birtles got so over-excited he compared a Posh free kick to those of David Luiz. "Bit different because he plays for Peterborough and it went over the bar," deadpanned Os fan Edina. Touché.

Play-off final: Leyton Orient 2 Rotherham United 2, 25/5/14

And so it all came down to the last kick of a ball. A season in which Orient defied odds, broke records, exceeded expectations, battled adversity and made new friends all hinged on Chris Dagnall's final spot kick.

The lifetime Orient fan in me knew he'd miss. Typical Orient, right? Two-nil up at half-time and we fucked it up. Typical Orient.

But maybe not. There was something different about this season. I sensed it first when Kevin Lisbie scored the late, late winner against Port Vale in September to preserve the winning run at the start of the campaign. The way the players, the crowd celebrated... It mattered more than usual, somehow.

The feeling built throughout the season. Coming from behind to win impressively away at Peterborough and Swindon. Grinding out four wins in a row in a bitter January. Winning the play-off semi-final on an electric night at Brisbane Road.

We had momentum, desire, a tight unit of talented, gutsy players. So when Dagnall stepped up to take that final penalty, though the lifetime Orient fan in me knew he'd miss, the deeply proud Orient fan of this season actually thought he'd score...

Play the game, not the occasion

The day didn't start that well. They say "play the game, not the occasion" and Orient did just that. Unfortunately the game they were playing appeared to be called "Let's spoon the ball into touch".

Orient celebrate Odubajo's goal

They settled down soon enough, mind - helped by Moses Odubajo's stunning goal. The celebration that followed was a strange one, as the Os players seemed to simultaneously congratulate the winger while admonishing him for taking his shirt off, much like a reluctantly aroused mother-of-the-bride forced to watch the Chippendales at her daughter's hen party.

Dean Cox's goal meant we went into half-time 2-0 up, and while no one who's watched Orient for more than three seconds of their life thought it was game over, the evidence of this season suggested this wonderful team would be able to see out a victory.

Revelling in it

It had to be, didn't it? 

But then there was Alex Revell. It had to be. Two goals for the former Orient favourite illustrated that in Rotherham, Orient had met their match.

Because ask any Millers fan the reasons behind their team's success this season and they'll tell you about their players' never-say-die attitude, their team spirit... Sound familiar? Yes, unfortunately this group never gives up either. (Though the £30 million of investment over the last five years probably helped too. Sour grapes? Don't mind if I do...)

With the scores level it was Orient who looked like they were trying to win the game (and with our penalty record this season, they had no choice) and Rotherham who were trying not to lose.

Twelve yards of heartbreak

And so it was penalties. We're shit at penalties. Though to be fair James, Lundstrum and Clarke all dispatched theirs with confidence and class. Two of Rotherham's spot kicks were what I like to call "coward's penalties" (straight down the middle) and Jamie Jones gave us temporary hope that Orient would prevail with one stunning save.

But, of course, it was not to be. No blame can be attached to Baudry and Dagnall. We would not have even been in the play-off final were it not for those two fine players.

Not so typical

So it hurts. It hurts real bad. I do not think I will ever get over this. Ever.

But let's remember that Orient have no monopoly on footballing heartbreak. Anyone who supports a club other than the handful in the world who can afford to be repeatedly successful will tell you that.

Are Orient fans feeling any worse than Brentford fans did at the same point last year? Any worse than the Peterborough fans who saw their team get relegated last season with record points? Probably not.

The boys of 05/06

In fact, there's no such thing as "typical Orient" - not really. And what I loved about yesterday and what I love about Orient are the untypical things. John Mackie, captain of the promotion-winning side of 2005/06 (nothing "typical" about that game at Oxford), galvanising his former team mates via Twitter to come and support their 2013/14 counterparts at Wembley.

Mathieu Baudry, after missing a crucial penalty, joining fans at the pub after the game to apologise and commiserate with them.

The almost 100 per cent lack of post-match recriminations from fans on Twitter and instead a groundswell of pride, honour and love for a team - heroes to a man - that has provided us with so many moments to savour in this wonderful season.

Yeah, it's shit that we're in League One again next season. This squad might get broken up. The manager might leave. We may never got a shot at the Championship like this one again.

But, you know, I wouldn't swap one second of it. Not one second. Apart from the one where Dagnall missed I suppose...

Play-off semi final: Leyton Orient 2 Peterborough United 1, 13/5/14

A game in which... everything finally made sense for Orient fans: all those bitterly cold 0-0 draws with Macclesfield; those long, gruelling trips to Carlisle to watch us lose 5-0; the toothless capitulations to lower league opposition in cup competitions; and the entire reign of Paul Brush... All that was worth it for this: a night of glorious payback courtesy of our gutsy, resilient, never-say-die squad and their heroic manager.

Something is different in the east London air this season - and I don't just mean Kevin Dearden's ongoing flatulence issues. It feels like this brilliant team genuinely has the talent, momentum and belief to go all the way. Or, as Russell Slade himself put it: "We're not just going to Wembley to make up the numbers." 

Let's all pile in on Coxy 

Moment of magic... The celebration that followed Dean Cox's opening goal in which the diminutive winger was descended upon by all his team mates and half of the North Stand. It looked dangerous: like the entire sumo wrestling community of Tokyo had inexplicably decided to attack a small guinea pig. That Tiny came out alive is a miracle. 

Moment of madness... When, in the fifth minute of injury time, Chris Dagnall decided that instead of herding the ball into a corner he'd unleash a loose speculative shot at the Peterborough goal, almost as if he hadn't seen - let alone played - a single second of football in his entire life. The Scouse goal hero apparently explained his folly in his post-match interview, but all I could make out was a repetitive high-pitched screech tempered occasionally with a word I believe to be "cheese".

Top gun... All of them. Really, all of them. This was a performance of collective brilliance and commitment. Admittedly the spectre of history loomed large in the dying minutes when it almost looked like 'new Orient' were going to revert to 'typical Orient' and blow their two-goal lead with all the staggering carelessness of a Euro Millions lottery winner who accidentally leaves his ticket on the bus while on the way to collect his cash. Thankfully they held firm, and were even confident enough to let Peterborough's Craig Alcock have a free shot on goal in the last action of the game. 

In the dug out... You have to hand it to Russ: he's got a sense of humour. Why else would he have played right back Syam Ben Youssef up front in 2012 or signed Marc Laird? His pre-match interview with Sky Sports was classic Slade:

Interviewer: Have you practised penalties?

Slade: Of course.

Interviewer: Are you confident you can win if it comes to that?

Slade: Not from what I've seen.

View from the opposition... You could make a book out of a season's worth of increasingly hollow tweets from the Peterborough trolls. However, that book would be the worst book ever printed, the literary equivalent of an embarrassing uncle still desperately trying to get a laugh by placing his glasses slightly askance on his face. Still, respect to all their proper fans at Brisbane Road who kept up a relentless chant of "When the Posh go steaming in" throughout the game. Good luck "steaming in" to the likes of Fleetwood Town or Burton Albion next season, lads.

Tweet of the week... Respect to the legend that is John Mackie, who's currently in the process of trying to round up the 2005/06 promotion-winning squad via Twitter for a trip to the play-off final. John tweeted this picture of the team in Las Vegas, where they appear to have been photo-bombed by a pasty white English guy on a stag do... Oh, no, hang on, that's Joe Keith. It seems there's one member of the squad who won't be getting an invite though: Joe Dolan. "He joined the year after," clarified John, who has perhaps erased from his mind the full horror of Joe's two appearances in the 2005/06 promotion season. Awkward. 

GUEST POST! Leyton Orient 2 Tranmere Rovers 0, 26/4/14

My record of games I've come back from Berlin for is played three, lost three. So you're actually much safer in the hands of Andy Brown - Orient blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - who filed this report from Brisbane Road... 

A game in which... Fresh from back to back defeats (one deserved and one not), Orient decided to shake the sand out of their regular season flip flops and cruise to a comfortable win against a Tranmere team that usually comes to Brisbane Road to mess things up at this time of the season.

Orient played the same neat passing football that they did against Wolves, but were seemingly feeling charitable in the final third, as time and again Cox and Mooney failed to conjure up anything convincing against a nervous and indecisive Tranmere team. True, the visitors played much better in the second half, but never really put a telling or dangerous ball into the box as veteran striker Ryan Lowe seemed more intent on trying to start a fight with angry Scotsman Scott Cuthbert. Only going to be one winner there, Ryan…

Moment of magic... Chris Dagnall decided that the best thing to do with Tranmere keeper Owain Fon Williams’ miskick was to hammer a stunning 40-yard shot into the far corner of an unguarded net. It was an outrageous and sublime piece of skill that had it been Rooney or Beckham you would never stop hearing about it, but as it was Orient it'll probably never be mentioned again. Either way, it was Orient’s best long range effort since Dean Cox decided to mock Walsall by scoring from the halfway line.

Moment of madness… David Mooney must have received a bang on the head at some point during the game, because he decided that he was going to try and score directly into his own net with a full stretch diving header that scraped by Jamie Jones’ post from a Tranmere corner. It had fans scratching their heads and hoping that Orient are never so short of personnel that he has to play centre back.

Top gun...  Once again on-loan Everton midfielder John Lundstram was the standout performer, working tirelessly and linking Orient’s play together. Romain Vincelot also put in one of his finer performances, busy and industrious, winning the ball back for Orient with a dogged display that resulted in one of our more comfortable victories this season.

Shaun Batt

Little donkey... With the stature of a giraffe, legs of gazelle and coordination of a hippo, Shaun Batt looks and plays like something conceived in mad professor Frankenstein’s  laboratory in an attempt to create the perfect footballer. Sadly, “Battman” never has the same impact when he starts as he does when emerging from the bench and yesterday was no different. His running and general presence got him into good positions a few times, but with a complete inability to decide what to do with the ball once he gets into those positions, it’s not a lot of use.

In the dugout... Orient’s bald tinkerman is busy preparing his dossier for prospective opposition ahead of Orient’s playoff charge. “We call it the war room and have a picture of Winston Churchill on the wall, as he was up against great odds,” Russell Slade told reporters, prompting hysterical laughter. Slade had to make changes to compensate for the lack of any proper full backs (sorry Gary Sawyer) so Moses Odubajo dropped in at right back as Cuthbert came back into central defence with Baudry out. As a result Orient looked more like a 4-3-3 with Batt playing as a wide third striker, suggesting Slade may be trying a plan B for the play-offs, until he brought on James in the second half and reverted back to a more conventional 4-4-2.

View from the opposition... Ronnie Moore wasn’t available for comment as he was down the bookies, but his replacement manager John McMahon bemoaned the mistakes by his team, in particular Owain Fon Williams, conveniently forgetting the fact that the Welshman made a brilliant one handed stop to keep the game at 1-0 in the second half.

Fancy Dress of the week... It’s the last away game of the season so what do you do? Dress as a bunch of wooden Gerry Anderson puppets, obviously.  It’s what he would have wanted. Yup, it was Hartlepool’s last away game of the season, a quick hop down to Plymouth, so in traditional fashion several hundred decided to dress as Thunderbirds. A bit more PC than 2011's Oompa Loompas, eh lads?

Leyton Orient 1 Wolverhampton Wanderers 3, 21/4/14

Chris Dagnall

A game in which... at the 35-minute mark Orient experienced a spiritual awakening, a collective 

consciousness or a divine intervention. Call it what you will, but one way or the other the team suddenly realised that if they actually pass the ball to each other rather than lobbing it over the top for Chris Dagnall to scamper after like an amphetamine-induced laboratory rat, they're actually quite good. 

Never mind that we ultimately lost the game to the division's best side, for there was enough in this committed performance to give hope that we actually could prevail in the play-offs. And, after the Crawley debacle, that is something to get very excited about.

Moment of magic... The ping-ponging goalmouth scramble in the second half that saw Orient create 37 chances to score in the space of three seconds, most of which were prevented by either the woodwork or the frankly superhuman efforts of Wolves goalkeeper Carl Ikeme. Luck will be a big factor in the play-offs, and thankfully Orient may well have used up their entire lifetime's quota of the bad variety in just this one passage of play. 

Wolves' Richard Stearman

Moment of madness... The moment the referee and linesman elected not to penalise Wolves' Richard Stearman for a handball so blatant that he might as well have bounced the ball down the pitch basketball-style, done a couple of wraparounds and slam-dunked it into Jamie Jones's net.  

Top gun... Dean Cox was in his element today - and by that I mean the game was being televised - and for a 15-minute period at the start of the second half he was utterly unplayable. And by that I mean he got some decent crosses in. I must confess, however, to being slightly bemused by the free role he appears to have been given of late when all the evidence (and by that I mean my totally subjective opinion) suggests he's more effective hugging the touchline and cutting in from the left. 

Little donkey... Actually David Mooney played pretty well today, but he did miss two screaming sitters which, had he dispatched both, would have given an Orient striker 20 league goals in a season for the first time since the year 1426, when Mad Bartholomew Chudderley showed considerable skill in repeatedly scoring with the severed pig's head wrapped in muslin that at that time served as the ball.

In the dug out... Amazing scenes at the final whistle when Kevin Dearden elected to get off of his seat and waddle out to congratulate the Wolves players on their promotion. Unfortunately by the time Orient's Head of Nutritional Sustenance reached the centre circle the opposition's team coach was just approaching the outskirts of Birmingham. Still, he should make it in time to acknowledge Tranmere's efforts in avoiding the drop on Saturday. 

View from the opposition... Decent lot the Wolves fans, who by and large have been pretty respectful about their one-season stay in League One, unlike some other supporters who shall remain nameless (Peterborough). For example: "Fair play to Orient today," wrote Harry Carr. "Gave us a real game. Good luck in the play-offs."

YouTube video of the week... Hardly an event goes by these days without someone making a Hitler parody video of it - there's even an Orient one mocking our disastrous start to 2011/12. This week Brentford fan Russell Hawes got in on the act and created this version that mocks Russell Slade and his badly-received post-match comment that the Bees "celebrated like they'd won the FA Cup" after their victory over Orient in March. 

Crawley Town 2 Leyton Orient 1, 18/4/14

A game in which... it was proved that in millions of years' time, as the dying embers of the sun throw their last feint light on our doomed planet, an Orient team of the future will still be losing to Crawley. Yep, it's played four, lost four against this glorified Conference side and, to be honest, Orient aren't likely to beat anyone in this sort of form. Except Gillingham, obviously.

Let's keep things in perspective: we're in the play-offs (yay!) and it's certain that there Orient will not put in the sort of tired, lacklustre performance they did at the Checktrade.com stadium. But one win in seven is a worrying statistic and by the time 10 May comes around this marvellous group of players will need to find some extra reserves of energy to try to get us over the final hurdle.

Moment of magic... Shaun Batt's brilliant, heavily-disguised dummy in the dying seconds which, to anyone who's watched more than seven seconds of football in their entire life, might have looked like a jaw-droppingly embarrassing air kick but in fact was a ploy that allowed the ball to run through to an unmarked David Mooney. Probably.

Moment of madness... Crawley's second goal, in which Adam Drury was afforded so much space and time in the Orient penalty area it's a wonder he didn't pop to the local shops and back to get a few things in for the Bank Holiday weekend while he was waiting for the ball to plop on to his head.

Top gun... Selecting a man of the match is a tough one, as this was a performance of collective mediocrity. Let's give it to Jamie Ness, then, purely on the basis that in only being on the pitch for a few minutes, he had less opportunity to give the ball away than the rest of the team. Still managed it a couple of times though, to be fair.

Mathieu Baudry

Little donkey... Oh Mathieu Baudry. Whereas usually the Frenchman dismisses the advances of League One strikers with nothing more than a slight drop of the shoulder and an inquisitively-raised eyebrow, today his performance stunk like a rotting block of Camembert. One pass in particular - straight to an onrushing Crawley attacker (don't know which, so let's pretend it was Gary Alexander) - was the poorest example of French decision-making since Napoleon Bonaparte announced "I reckon we can take Waterloo" in 1815.

In the dug out... "We still pushed them all the way," said Russell Slade after the game which, even if true, is a somewhat underwhelming ambition for a team challenging for promotion playing against mid-table strugglers. Still, the big man is toying with his tactics, resting players and presumably has his mind on the play-offs, so we shouldn't be too hard on him. Though it has to be said: we're not going to get very far if our only tactic whenever Chris Dagnall is playing is to boot the ball over the top and watch him scuttle after it like a minor-league Toxteth drug dealer on the run from the bizzies.

View from the opposition... "Kyle McFadzean is my John Terry," said Crawley boss John Gregory after the game, presumably not implying that his central defender is a racist adulterer. But he did go on to say that playing Orient would be "incredibly difficult", suggesting his scouts may well have attended the Gillingham game, but probably not Bradford.

Not Dean Cox

Tweet of the week... "Not everyday I get stopped in south woodford and asked if I want some weed" tweeted  Dean Cox this week, presumably furious he couldn't find the coke, pills and ketamine he was actually after. I jest, of course, if you happen to be reading this and you're a lawyer. It was actually growth hormones he wanted.

GUEST POST! Crewe Alexandra 1 Leyton Orient 2, 18/1/14

I wouldn't have been at this match even if I was in the country, as I am banned from the tiny medieval village of Crewe due to an ancient family feud. Luckily Andy Brown - Orient blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - took one for the team and gives us his take on events...

Robbie Simpson

A game in which... New boy Chris Dagnall made the most stunning debut since a certain Wayne Montague Purser scored a hat-trick in 2003. After a frustrating 45 minutes of having to watch Robbie Simpson lumber about the field like a stoned elephant, Dags decided he was going to show everyone how it should be done, with two clinical strikes within seven blinding minutes that made us wonder if Carl Griffiths was back in town…

Despite not really getting going until the second half, and conceding a suspiciously offside looking goal, Orient matched Crewe for effort in a midfield scrap and it was again Moses Odubajo and Dean Cox who provided the spark. Cox's lofted a ball over the top which Dagnall controlled with one touch, beating programme poster boy Mark Ellis, before lashing across Ben Garratt.

Moment(s) of magic... Dagnall’s brace. His first taken with one touch and second a clinical thumping shot into the bottom corner. The new striker will be making Orient’s thousand other forwards look over their shoulders and while it’s very early to make predictions, his interplay with Cox, James, Lisbie and Odubajo made him look as though he’d been at the club for years. (Jonah alert!)

Moment of madness... Russell Slade’s unwavering faith in Robbie Simpson (in this case ahead of the four other strikers in the bench), which lead to discussions among the Os fans that he must be seeing something really amazing in training that we’re not - or he’s Russ’s lovechild. And that's not to say he doesn’t work hard, but it’s nice if a striker can set up and score goals…

Top gun... Dags was the clear winner, but Odubajo and Cox were also candidates. Captain Clarke had another solid game, denying Aneke with a great stop near the end to prevent a 2-2 draw. This Orient team is very hard to beat and is grinding out wins in tough places, even when not playing brilliantly.

Little donkey... Crewe centre-back Mark Ellis had a comfortable first half with Robbie Simpson, but was run ragged by the guile and clever play of Chris Dagnall throughout the second.

Russell Slade picks his team

In the dugout... Despite starting Simpson ahead of arguably better options on the bench, Russell Slade continues to show the Midas touch and make changes at the right times to win games. Bringing on Vincelot for Ness made Orient’s midfield more combative and solid, and introducing Dagnall won the game. Had he perhaps brought on Loza or Coulthirst, then Orient may have potentially had more goals, but a win is a win!

View from the opposition... Crewe boss Steve Davis was pretty graceless afterwards claiming that defensive mistakes cost his team in the defeat. He did, however, admit that Orient have real quality up front. Thanks Steve - that’s why we’ve scored more than anyone else, so can’t argue with that. Crewe fan Adam Gray was also very gracious, commenting “Congrats on the win, can see why you’ll probably go up.”

Graham Westley: Yeah, well, you too would  be
upset if you were dressed like that

Tweet of the week... Commenting on his debut for Orient, Chris Dagnall displayed typical flamboyancy: “Well that was an alright debut, massive performance from the lads #topoftheleague”. Next week Dags describes getting a hat-trick as “quite fun”. Meanwhile, Graham Westley is back making friends, allegedly telling his Stevenage player to “snap him” (according to Notts County fan Andrew), before Jack Grealish of Notts County was annihilated by this challenge. Way to go Graham. If you can’t beat them, end their careers, eh?