Leyton Orient 2 Harrogate Town 0, 19/4/19

A game which... was the footballing equivalent of joyously stuffing yourself with a massive chocolate cake shortly after entering a restaurant, then nervously picking at the cheese plate over the next 90 minutes, before finishing with a glorious single McVitie's Ginger Nut. Yes, that's right readers, the laboured metaphors are going to be OFF THE SCALE this evening, so hold tight.

So, while Orient certainly weren't at their flowing best for much of the game, they did restrict fellow promotion-contenders to a handful of chances and played with such grit that Waltham Forest Council have asked if they can spread the team across icy roads come winter.

Anyway, this was a victory of huge significance, especially given Salford's late winner at Boreham Wood which was no doubt celebrated wildly by whichever of their 38 fans in attendance didn't miss the goal because they were sneakily watching a YouTube compilation of Nicky Butt's best Man Utd goals on their iPhones.

Moment of magic... Another late goal from the "Ginger Alabi" Matt Harrold, who joins that special pantheon of Orient players who can consistently change games from the bench but are largely ineffective should some freak set of injuries ever require them to play 90 minutes. Efe Echanomi, Jonathan Tehoué and Shaun Batt to name but three (because I can only name three) all have a place in fans' hearts, as will Harrold if he can do the same against Solihull or Braintree...

Praise be... Let's all take a moment to appreciate the full glory of the walking-forehead-with-a-few-other-smaller-body-parts-attached-to-it that goes by the name of Josh Coulson. This guy has been immense this season and today bookended the game with a goal – expertly spammed from bonce to back of the net – and a flying interception that prevented a last-ditch Harrogate equaliser.

Taxi for... Now, referees in the National League have a very tough job, so we shouldn't criticise them lightly. We should criticise them very, very heavily because God knows we have been on the receiving end of some howling decisions of late. Last week James Dayton was sent off for having his ankle dislocated, and today Craig Clay was yellow-carded for the little known football offence of "having the same surname as the material used in pottery".

In the dug out... An interesting revelation about the art of the manager from Dean Cox this week in E10 Mess's superlative four-part podcast on the 2013/14 season. Apparently Russell Slade would send the diminutive winger into the Supporters Bar after games to find out what fans thought about the tactics and formation, and then would GENUINELY TRY TO IMPLEMENT THEIR SUGGESTIONS IN TRAINING! Seriously. Fans are notoriously idiots! We know nothing. Obviously Justin Edinburgh isn't resorting to such lunacy otherwise he'd have listened to the "drop Bonne" Brigade and we'd have been relegated. And just imagine if Ian Hendon had paid attention to fans' calls to never ever allow Connor Essam, Sean Clohessy or Armand Gnanduillet near a football pitch again. Where would we be now? Oh, hang on...



Meanwhile... "We have received reports that fraudulent tickets for Solihull Moors on Monday are being sold on Leyton High Street" tweeted the official club account today without any apparent irony or being hacked or anything. First up, lads, it's Leyton High Road not Leyton High Street you flaming idiots. Secondly, I took it upon myself to check the authenticity of said tickets – pictured below – and found them to be flawless copies of the originals, which does me a favour as I can now finally leave the queue after two weeks. See you in Solihull...

Leyton Orient 3 Stevenage 0, 16/8/16

A game in which... Orient proved that they're not necessarily as shit as every single performance of the last two seasons might suggest. In fact I'd go as far as to say that this was the most enjoyable 90 minutes at Brisbane Road since the play-off semi-final of 2013/14.

Stevenage were rubbish, obviously, but you can only beat what's put in front of you, unless that's Newport and you lose. But Orient were in swashbuckling form, penetrating the opposition defence time and again with the near-forgotten tactic of actually passing the ball along the ground. Throw in some highly promising individual performances – Kelly, Massey and Erichot for starters – and it starts to look like things aren't quite as dire as they seemed on Saturday. Let the good times roll.

Jump off your seat moment... The moment Dean Cox – God knows it's good to have him back – scored with a header from the edge of the box, a feat that until tonight every single expert from the world of science and Professor Brian Cox had deemed physically impossible. From a Stevenage point of view this is beyond embarrassing: like Sir Bradley Wiggins being overtaken by a kid on a tricycle; or Lionel Messi being nutmegged by Bradley Pritchard.

Give that man a medal... Well done to Harry Cornick Jr for repeatedly getting dangerous balls into the box like an inverse Sean Clohessy. This was the type of blistering loanee winger performance that Ryan Hedges could have put in had he not had Fabio Liverani screaming insanely into his brain for 90 relentless minutes every time he played. But if this is the shape of things to come from Cornick, and Simpson stays and shakes off the rust, we may actually score more goals.

Taxi for... What a joy it was to see Jamie Jones kicking the ball with the same reckless regard for consequence with which he manages his Twitter account. How pleasurable it was to see him fumbling crosses almost like he was playing for Orient during the 2013/14 play-off final. And it would be an utter dereliction of duty of me not to end this paragraph with the words: Enjoy your relegation battle, Jamie.

Jamie Jones reaches for a cross

In the dug out... Positioning Dean Cox in a more central role is usually the last roll of the dice of an under-pressure Orient manager and it never works. Tonight, by total accident, this ruse actually paid off for Andy Hessenthaler and the 4-2-3-1 formation presumably dictated to him by the president looked to have promise. The thing is: Orient do have a good team on paper. Of course, that doesn't help you get promoted: after all, Ian Hendon should have been a good manager on paper, until it turned out that paper just bore a picture of a sunburnt holidaymaker furiously berating Ryan Air ground staff for the fact he's left his own passport in the hotel room. Where was I? Yes, Orient have a good team on paper and if Hessenthaler – let's just call him Yessenthaler and be done with it – can negotiate around the lunatics running the club then we may have a chance of achieving something.

Meanwhile on Twitter... "Just got told the biggest load of nonsense in my life" tweeted Paul McCallum, minutes before kick off, almost as if an Ian Hendon tactical team talk from last season had finally registered in his brain. Make of that what you will, but in the meantime let's turn to our former manager himself. Yes, his fiery-fingered wife Linda Hendon has been at it again, with this: "Ian Hendon and I have been informed by Becchetti that we are not welcome at Brisbane Road to support Orient or Hess. #completeclownofachairman." Which suggests that Linda and Ian were trying to score free seats rather than just paying like the rest of us mugs. Unless of course Mr Becchetti scrutinises the sale of every ticket to ensure no one inappropriate turns up. Wouldn't put it past him. Though in which case how did Connor Essam slip through the net so many times? The plot thickens...

FA Cup: Leyton Orient 6 Staines Town 1, 7/11/15

A game in which... Orient and Ian Hendon proved a point. The point was that if we're playing in the Ryman Premier League in the 2018/19 season we'll probably fare reasonably well. Just kidding, no one can complain about a 6-1 victory, but I'm not sure it tells us much about the Os' prospects for the rest of the league season. As for the opposition, I'm contractually obliged to make a reference to Ali G, so let's just say big up the Staines massive for their commitment to playing attractive, passing football, despite the scoreline.

Jump off your seat moment... Now, we all know Dean Cox likes to be the big fish in a little pond, but today he must have felt like a humpback whale in a puddle such was the ease in which he slotted his 30-yard free kick into the top corner of Staines' goal.

Give that man a medal... Today saw a blistering substitute performance from Scott Kashket and proof twice over that – contrary to recent evidence – Ollie Palmer is not biologically incapable of placing a ball into an empty net. But man of the match has to be Frazer Shaw, who was faultless in defence, penetrating in attack and set up two of the goals. What a way to mark his return to the starting XI.

Taxi for... Lloyd James. What a way not to mark his return to the starting XI: he misfired passes, repeatedly got caught in possession and missed one chance that was such a sitter it was actually delivered to him via Furniture Village.

In the dug out... Was Ian Hendon resting first choice players or were these his new first choice players? Has the diamond been ditched for good or was 4-4-2 simply the order of the day against Staines? Would James and Payne really play together in central midfield in a league match? No one knows the answer to these questions, least of all Ian Hendon.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Not only is Orient president Francesco Becchetti wanted by the Albanian authorities for fraud and money-laundering, but he's also under curfew until a hearing on 7 December. It's not all bad news though, because fan Fred Nathan has some friendly advice: "If I was him, I'd negotiate so he could be locked in his house at 3pm most Saturdays."

Leyton Orient 0 Accrington Stanley 1, 31/10/15

A game in which... the entire Orient team scooped out their own brains with a spoon and placed candles inside their empty skulls in an apparent attempt to give Accrington a Halloween scare. It didn't work: the visitors needed no tricks and treated themselves to the easiest three points they're likely to get all season.

With ghastly defending, horrific attacking and an eerie absence of tactics, this was a bloodcurdling performance from Ian Hendon's team. Yes, the league table says we're still in the play-off places, but 11 points in the last 11 games paints a truer picture of the scale of our gruesome predicament.

Jump off your seat moment... Orient had one clear-cut chance in the entire game. One. Tragically that chance fell to Connor Essam, who would likely not score a goal were he to play football infinitely in a time-space continuum. Now, I'm not saying Essam has a head like a 50p piece, because that would be a hideous slur on a 50p piece, which can theoretically only spin a ball off in one of seven random directions. But there really is little point in the defender coming up for corners if – like today – he can't convert into an open net from two yards.

Essam and Baudry 

Give that man a medal... Dean Cox had to spend only another pointless 30 minutes or so on Ian Hendon's naughty step before the manager introduced him to the pitch, albeit bizarrely in place of the one player – John Marquis – who'd looked vaguely effective in the opening salvos of the game. And, God knows, once there the winger tried his little heart out, but must have felt like he'd arrived late at a Halloween party at which all his friends were taking their zombie costumes a bit too literally.

Taxi for... "Bradley Pritchard is a central midfielder and that's where he'll play," lied Ian Hendon at the start of the season before repeatedly sticking the former Charlton man out on the right where – as numerous former Orient managers have discovered and yet bizarrely ignored – he is utterly ineffective. The gaffer has now tried 4,567 different formations in his 18 games in charge, all of which contain both Pritchard and his footballing doppelgänger Sammy Moore in one guise or another. Unless Hendon knows of some ancient curse that says the hounds of hell will be unleashed on Brisbane Road should the pair ever be separated, it might be an idea to try dropping one of them.

In the dug out... Now, I am not suggesting that Ian Hendon should be sacked. (Though Becchetti pulled the trigger on Russell Slade for a run of results far less damaging than the current one.) But it would be helpful if the manager could give fans the slightest sense that he actually knows what he's doing rather than reverting to Liverani-esque behaviour such as inexplicably dropping star performers; publicly blaming his players in post-match press conferences; and double training sessions. What next: "Big house in the box"? The return of Gianvito Plasmati?

Meanwhile on Facebook... It's half-time and you're enjoying a Brisbane Road burger (ok, stay with me on this, you're going to have to use a bit of imagination). You need a little sit down, and where better to do it than the opposition dug out, as the fan in this video proves. Minutes later a pair of ever-vigilant stewards intervene, although should the interloper have chosen the home dug out they probably wouldn't have bothered. Tactically he may have done a better job than Ian Hendon in the second half...

Leyton Orient 3 Stevenage 0, 18/8/15

A game in which... Orient stared League Two in the face and said "You're not as hard as you think
you are, pal. And you can give me my dinner money back too." Yep, this tough, well-disciplined Stevenage side were a good indication of the type of school bullying we can expect in this division but the Os matched them in intensity during the first 70 minutes, albeit without fully hitting their stride.

That all changed in the final 20 minutes when Orient blew away the opposition with some breathtaking attacking and three goals: one good, another excellent and another that's already contender for goal of the season. Go straight to the top of the class Blair Turgott. And stop picking your nose.

Deano bringing his mazy run to a conclusion 

Jump off your seat moment... So many to choose from, not least Blair Turgott's aforementioned screamer – volleyed straight in from a Sean Clohessy cross, itself a volley – but let's focus instead on the moment Dean Cox decided to dribble around the entire Stevenage team 42 times each. Had he been able to finish from his ridiculously mazy run, it would have been the best goal scored by anyone in any sport in all time. Instead he decided that the only fitting coup de grâce would be to cut a couple of breakdancing moves on the penalty spot while the ball bobbled away to safety. Still, great helicopter.

Give that man a medal... Comparing Bradley Pritchard's performances of this season with last is like comparing the complete works of Beethoven to the sound of a spoilt six-year-old screeching for more sugar while repeatedly scraping her fingernails down a blackboard. And then vomiting. Tonight the former Charlton man made sweet, sweet music in midfield with another display that hit the right notes. (Honourable mentions too to Sean Clohessy and Sammy Moore.)

Taxi for... Dean Wells. It was certainly a novel move on Stevenage's part to place a convicted football hooligan in their squad and tonight the defender came up against the team whose fans he'd fought outside Liverpool Street Station in 2010. It seemed, however, that without his firm to back him up, Wells the Hooligan was all mouth and no Stone Island trousers. With the might of Ollie Palmer bearing down on him in injury-time he ran for cover, stumbled over then lay on the ground trembling in fear as the Orient striker slotted the ball into the net. Come and have a go if you think you're hard enough? Oh, you're not.

In the dugout... Given that he's now selected the same XI for three League games running, it would be easy to describe Ian Hendon as the polar opposite of Fabio Liverani. But then again, it would be easy to describe anyone with even the faintest notion that football is a sport in which eleven players try to get a ball into their opponents' net the polar opposite to Fabio Liverani. What is evidently true is that the new manager has engendered a team spirit and has got the squad enjoying playing football. Something that only the most depraved of masochists could have said of last season.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Respect to Pór Bæring Ólafsson for travelling all the way from Iceland – the country, not the shop – to watch his beloved Leyton Orient. He got to meet Francesco Becchetti, but it wasn't all bad because Pór also rubbed shoulders with Paul McCallum and witnessed the Os in superb form. What a top geyser. (Yeah, sorry, my Iceland material is pretty limited.)

Leyton Orient 2 Barnet 0, 8/8/15

A game which... was preceded by a sort of 80s rock band reunion version of the Cheery Os, which saw Francseco Becchetti, Alessandro Angelieri, Ian Hendon and two other random blokes take to the pitch. But just as quickly as fans thought "Hey, I didn't know Flock of Seagulls had reformed" and meted out a mild ripple of token applause, they were gone again.

If we were underwhelmed by that, then the first half really let us down when Orient were out-muscled by a physical, if profligate, Barnet side and it became apparent there was a huge Romain Vincelot-shaped vortex in the middle of the pitch. But in the second 45 minutes the home side were transformed, almost as if the half-time team talk was delivered in the English language, and put the opposition under the cosh with some neat passing and attacking verve. Seeds of promise, then...

Jump off your seat moment... What a joy it was in Orient's first chance of the game to see Paul McCallum rather than David Mooney clean through on goal. "At least he's not just going to try to chip the keeper," thought every fan who'd been exasperated by our former striker's season-and-a-half's worth of failed lobs. Hearts sank when McCallum did actually try – and inevitably fail – to chip the keeper, though the new front man did redeem himself later when he stuck his laces through a fortunate rebound to put Orient 2-0 up. This is League Two lads – leave the showboating on the training ground.  

Give that man a medal... It's one of the immutable laws of physics that if Bradley Pritchard is within a five-mile radius of a football match his bodily matter will instantly teleport and rematerialise in the starting XI. And so it was with grinding inevitably that the fifth Orient manager in succession deemed the midfielder worthy of selection, and a typically lightweight first-half performance left fans once again scratching their heads as to why. In the second half, however, Pritchard showed what he could really do – which is play very short passes near the touchline to players better able to cross the ball. As such he was instrumental in both Orient goals and made a good case for further influence this season.

Martin Allen. That's not the sea: it's his sweat

Taxi for... Martin Allen. Although it would have to be a taxi in which the interior was entirely covered in water-resistant plastic tarpaulin, such was the rate at which sweat was cascading from every crevice of the Barnet manager's ample body. Particularly from his arse crack, interestingly, making his choice of beige chinos a particularly curious one. Either that or Mag Dog had genuinely shit himself at the prospect of facing Orient, which really would be a first for an opposition manager.

In the dugout... When Dean Cox finally departs this earth and is presumably playing in the Heaven FC first XI, what are the chances that even God thinks it's a good idea to play him at the tip of a diamond? And so it was that Ian Hendon – like every Orient manager before him – figured to himself: "Hey, Tiny is my best player so let's get him more involved and play him behind the strikers." NO, IAN, NO. THIS NEVER WORKS. It's like chucking a dwarf into the path of 11 onrushing juggernauts. Leave Coxy out wide, where he can do far more damage.

Meanwhile on Twitter... "Football is back!" tweeted an excitable Jamie Jones, almost as if he'd forgotten he's going to spend the whole season sitting on the bench. Still, that should leave him plenty of time to bait the fans of the club that paid his wages for five and half seasons, eh Scouse?

GUEST POST! Chesterfield 2 Leyton Orient 3, 15/2/15

Guest blogger Andy Brown has spent most of this season trawling round bleak northern towns watching Orient lose away from home. God knows the guy is due some luck, and he duly got it at Chesterfield. Here's Andy's take on the Os' spectacular win... 

A game which… looked like it would be as painful as a prolonged BDSM session with Christian Grey. But rather than read the script and bow out tamely, Orient embraced the spirit of lurve on Valentine’s Day and spread it among the 285 hardy souls that travelled to deepest, darkest Derbyshire in what has been a very one-way relationship this season.

Yup, with seemingly endless months of negativity about the malaise at Orient, reinforced by desperate performances on the pitch, this game had everything previous games lacked: persistence, positivity and, most of all, spirit. After going down twice, the Os came back twice and snatched a winner deep into injury time: 50 shades of last season rather than this one.

Chesterfield goalkeeper Tommy Lee

Jump off your seat moment… Despite being met with howls of derision at his substitution for Josh Wright, it was that twinkle-toed football genius Marvin Bartley’s cross that resulted in a mistimed punch from Tommy Lee, 11 minutes into injury time, and a toe poke home from Dean Cox to send the away fans into delirium. Granted, he often looks confused with a ball at his feet, but this event probably needs a T-shirt. Expect to see Liverani play Bartley on the wing against Bradford now.

Give that man a medal… A tie between David Mooney and Dean Cox. Both players never stopped working and showed flashes of class (the former a few moments of ineptitude as well) that typified Orient’s determination not to lose today. A class finish from Mooney for the second of his two goals, and winner for Cox, this was more like the performances we were used to seeing last year. And not an overpaid Italian in sight!

Taxi for… Elliot Omozusi. Where to start? Mistimed two-yard passes going straight out of play, simple balls going straight through his legs, and one of the most bizarre own goals I have ever seen that put Orient 2-1 down. Not a good day at the office, although he improved after his own goal. His counterpart Sawyer played a more solid game on the other side. Now to get both full backs and centre backs playing well together…

“Fuck the technical shit” With Fabio Liverani’s apparent desire to see every facet of Orient’s play go through Bradley Pritchard, it was surprising to see other players involved today… not that the players can understand the team talks anyway. It’s hard to know what to make of the frantically gesticulating Italian. He obviously seems to care, but from wanting to bin 11 players one game to being proud of them the next, he is somewhat schizophrenic in his assessment of performances.  

Meanwhile on Twitter… It’s been hard to miss the circus at Orient over the course of the season. So what’s the best way to advertise the goings in at the club? With a circus poster of course! This was created by Os fan Keith Williams. Respect, sir. 

Leyton Orient 0 Preston North End 2, 28/10/14

A game in which... the result could have been so different. Imagine if ex-Orient keeper Jamie Jones hadn't pulled off a double-worldy in the first half; if Jay Simpson had buried his one-on-one minutes earlier; if half our squad wasn't injured; if we hadn't conceded two soft goals; if we hadn't sold Moses Odubajo; if our Italian owners hadn't forced Russell Slade out of the club; if money grew on trees; and if troubles really could melt like lemon drops... perhaps then we could've scraped a draw.

As it was Orient actually put in a pretty spirited performance – you couldn't really fault their effort – without coming away with anything to show for it. Yeah Preston are pretty good, but God knows we finished above them last season, which demonstrates just how far this club has fallen in the space of a few months. Depressing, really.

Gianvito Plasmati after being lightly brushed on the arm 

Jump off your seat moment... The moment that the ball fell invitingly to new boy Gianvito Plasmati on the edge of Preston's six-yard box with the goal gaping. Were it not for the fact he smashed the ball straight at Jamie Jones the 6ft 6in Italian may have instantly won the hearts of the Orient faithful. Still, throughout his time on the pitch he showed a few good touches, a couple of bad ones and one theatrical swan dive to the ground reminiscent of Willem Dafoe's iconic death scene in the film Platoon. Still, let's give the lad a chance before we totally write him off, hey?

Give that man a medal... Dean Cox worked his little cotton socks off tonight – and that's no metaphor, he really does wear little cotton socks – but most pleasing was the performance of Jay Simpson. The former Thailand backpacker is getting better and better each game, and he looked lively and threatening throughout.

Taxi for... McAnuff said.

"Fuck the technical shit"... It was strange sight to see Mauro Milanese patrolling the touchline tonight – not because he was first non-British manager to take charge of Leyton Orient, but because his hair appears to contradict seven rules of evolutionary biology, nine rules of quantum physics and every rule of fashion that has existed since the dawn of time. On the pitch nothing much seemed to have changed save for the fact Mauro had lumped an unfit Italian up front and boldly elected to give 11-year-old Scott Kashket a run out ahead of a presumably #fuming Chris Dagnall. Still, let's give the manager a chance before we totally write him off, hey?

Meanwhile on Twitter... Nice work from the Orient Ramble podcast boys, who helpfully illustrated the current status of Orient's usual starting XI from last season. And if that depresses you even more, cheer yourself up with this video of manager Mauro Milanese indulging in what passes for "entertainment" in Italy, as discovered by Jay Lillington.

Leyton Orient 1 Swindon Town 2, 4/10/14

Darius Henderson

A game in which... Orient's aggression, desire and passion made them extremely dangerous. Unfortunately that aggression, desire and passion was concentrated entirely into a five-second melee in added time that saw Dean Cox shout at Nathan Byrne's knee and Darius Henderson juggernaut himself into an unfortunate Swindon player who is now presumably extracting himself from the back of the West Stand. 

Other than that the Os were insipid, error-strewn and lacking in ideas. If this is the new dawn then perhaps we should have all stayed in bed.

Jump off your seat moment... The moment Jay Simpson was released on goal by a wayward Swindon back pass only to be called offside in direct contradiction of the actual rules of the game of football. One can only imagine what would have happened if the striker had been able to continue his run. I'll go out on a limb and say that he would have scuffed a weak shot into the corner flag. That's what you get if you take a gap year from your career to go backpacking round Thailand. 

Give that man a medal... Poor old Dean Cox. God knows he gave it his all today but one man alone cannot win football matches. At the moment the midfielder must feel a bit like Keith Richards trying to jam with the Leyton 1st district cub scouts brass band and Rochelle from the Saturdays. 

Taxi for... Now, it's easy to knock Marvin Bartley, so that's exactly what I'm going to do. I really can't imagine what the question is if he is the answer, unless it's "What would happen if you asked a qualified window fitter with no previous experience of football to play in midfield for a League One club?" 

"Fuck the technical shit"... Presumably to put clear blue water between himself and his former boss, Kevin Nugent opted to tinker with his formation throughout the game, starting with a 4-2-3-1, moving back to 4-4-2, giving 7-2-3-4 a bash, reverting to a 8-0-0-7-1 then seeing how he fared with 0-1-9-8-2. None of this had any discernible effect so he instead resorted to trying to substitute Chris Dagnall 20 minutes after he'd already brought him off. 

Let's face it, Nuge – a decent and loyal guy – probably isn't the right person to sort this whole sorry mess out. When you have a mess of this size, you need someone with proper experience of waste management. Oh, hang on... 

Meanwhile on Twitter... Hats off to James Turley for producing this meme referencing the infamous moment last season when a Swindon pitch invader tried to attack Jamie Jones. Still, there was no such nonsense from Robins fans this time round. Instead they tried to set fire to the East Stand twice and then one have-a-go-hero tried to take on eight of the Metropolitan Police's finest. Top work lads! 

GUEST BLOG! Oldham Athletic 1 Leyton Orient 3, 16/8/14

With Orient in the midst of their deepest crisis ever, having lost 100% of their league games so far this season, Andy Brown travelled to Oldham to see if they could dig themselves out of their hole. Here's what he wrote... 

A game in which… Like buses, you wait for one to come along and three turn up at once. Yup, not
only did Orient return to winning ways in the league with three goals, but strikers scored all them and Dean Cox took his tally of assists for the season to 50 (Ok, five, but that’s still insane for three matches).

Scott Cuthbert’s return to the back four had little impact in the first half as they continued to play with all the precision of Stevie Wonder playing darts. Forte raced through unchallenged to put Oldham 1-0 up, but Cox and Henderson (who’s already earned his own song) yet again proved the decisive double-act in goals and assists to help the Os to a comfortable second half and deserved away win.

Jump off your seat moment... David Mooney responded to criticism of his shocking 1.5 game barren spell with a well taken goal from a narrow angle. It was a team goal that bore all the hallmarks of Germany’s mauling of Brazil in the World Cup, with Cox and Henderson’s superb vision picking out Mooney, who took his time to finish well. I cannot remember him being caught offside at any point either, so you may want to bookmark this historic occasion for posterity.

Dean Cox: More assists than tattoos

Give that man a medal… Dean Cox now has more assists than tattoos this season, which is impressive. While credit goes to Pritchard and Vincelot for their second half impressions of whippets chasing a rabbit, and Henderson for a complete centre-forward performance, Cox provided the continued vision and class to take the game away from Oldham, with the pass and cross assists for the first and third goals and ball into Henderson for the second, scored by Mooney.

Taxi for… Inspector Gadget or Hornblower as he became known, the Os fan who throughout the game abused a succession of instruments, from a high pitched horn, to lower-pitched horns to kazoos that you would find in a cracker to jingle bells, all of which were greeted with a warm reception of “Shut the fuck up, you’re giving me tinnitus."

Not so much a one man band, more how I imagine Sweep would sound if introduced face-first into a blender.

“Fuck the technical shit”...  Orient did a fantastic Jekyll and Hyde impression, with an ugly, disjointed first half and sublimely controlled second half. “What I asked them to do at ten to three, they didn’t do until after four o’clock” complained Russell Slade in the post-match interview.

Whatever Slade said at half-time, it clearly worked, as the team tightened up second half and Oldham didn’t get a clear shot on goal. Meanwhile a slightly delusional Lee Johnson felt Oldham weren’t ruthless enough: "That's what's frustrating, to know how to have a team on the ropes and then to kill them, punish them”. Er, Ok Lee, only everyone else saw a different game.

Meanwhile on Vine... A couple of fine Vines in contention this week. Everyone’s least favourite diving prima donna Ashley Young appeared to suffer the ignominy of a seagull deftly aiming its faeces into his mouth during Man Utd’s defeat to Swansea-surely a sign from the big man upstairs?

Meanwhile the winner goes to Martin Shaw for spotting a cracking Vine of a pitch invader at the West Ham v Spurs game who proceeded to run up and chip a freekick over the West Ham wall. The best part is the reaction from the West Ham wall who wondered if it had gone in, the Spurs player ruing the missed chance and the fat steward running after him Benny Hill style. Football gold, only made better by the result.

A guide to Leyton Orient players on Twitter 2014/15

Do you ever wonder what goes on in a footballer's mind? No, of course you don't, because these days the contents of footballers' minds are sprayed onto Twitter in an indiscriminate stream of consciousness. Here I delve into the brains of Leyton Orient's top tweeters...  

Legzdins: "euphoric" 

Adam Legzdins @AdamLegzdins

What does Adam's Twitter feed tell us? That he likes David Brent, the weather and that if he didn't have the minor inconvenience of being a professional footballer he'd spend all summer wearing oversized sunglasses and gurning at the sunrise outside various Ibiza clubs. "Eric Prydz once again giving me that euphoric feeling" he wrote in July, presumably mashed off his head on Red Bull and plant food.

Key moment: "Selfies go against everything that teamhandsome stands for due to our understanding for such folk who aren't so facially blessed" tweeted Adam recently, with brazen disregard for the hundreds of selfies he'd already posted. The new Jimmy Smith? Absolutely not. Adam has a healthy sense of irony. Smith thought irony was a brand of bodybuilding supplements.

Battman: oily 

Shaun Batt @BATTman_14

What does Shaun's Twitter feed tell us? That between DJ-ing, being photographed in his pants and wearing socks/shorts combos to festivals it's a wonder he has time to fit in the 20 minutes of football he is afforded by Russell Slade each week.

Key moment: "I went and got extremely drunk as my season is now over what do you want me to do sit at home crying into my pillow??" wrote Shaun after the play-off final defeat - not unreasonably - while skulling his 48th Jäger-bomb.

Lloyd James @LloydJames23

What does Lloyd's Twitter feed tell us? That, when he's not "doing bantz" with his team mates over their golfing abilities, he's drooling with pleasure over the placement of power outlets: "Best thing in a hotel is when there is a plug socket nex to the bed!!" he tweeted ecstatically last year. Next: Lloyd weeps with joy when he discovers his fridge light turns off when he shuts the door.

Key moment: "Just wen it couldn't get worse" tweeted Lloyd two days after the play-off final, leading fans to assume that the club had not offered him a new contract. Luckily the Welshman put our minds at rest with this: "Sorry I should of made my tweet more Pacific it's not football related". Still, anyone who pulls him up on his grammatical error is just being Atlantic. Sorry, I mean pedantic.

Cuthbert: angry

Scott Cuthbert @ScottCuthbert15

What does Scott's Twitter feed tell us? That if you think the Scotsman is hard on the pitch, that's nothing compared to the stone-cold terror with which he reigns social media. "Could you keep all the 'love of my life' and 'love you so much baby' chat down to a minimum," he raged recently, "nearly thrown up in my wheetabix twice."

Key moment: During Children In Need last year Jamie Jones - with admirable intentions - said he'd donate £1 for every retweet he got. Minutes and multiple retweets later he backtracked and tweeted "£1,000 limit reached". Cuthbert was straight on his case, writing: "I will give @jamiejones1 £1 for every retweet this gets, poor guys skint" and then following it up seconds later with: "Sorry my £1 limit has been reached, thanks for the retweets." Lolz.

Marvin Bartley @dothebartman1

What does Marvin's Twitter feed tell us? That if you're interested in detailed regular traffic updates from the Reading area, then Marvin is the man to follow. "The workmen who left the traffic cones out on the A329 need their heads testing! #HugeCockUp" is the sort of thing you can expect. The fun never starts.

Key moment: "People who drive in the middle lane when no cars to their left seriously annoy me! #MostlyWomenDrivers lol" wrote Marvin in April, almost as if he was a struggling stand-up comedian from the 1970s.

Dean Cox @Dean_7Cox

What does Dean's Twitter feed tell us? Everything, pretty much, because Tiny is Orient's most prolific tweeter and a man unafraid to reveal the most intimate details of his life. Want to see a photo of Coxy mowing the lawn? You got it! How about Coxy having a massage? You got that too! What next, Coxy and his fiancee wearing matching animal-themed onesies? Yep, that too...

Key moment: "Walking round the house like I have shit myself this morning." Okay...

Mathieu Baudry @MathBaudry5

What does Mathieu's Twitter feed tell us? That the Frenchman is Orient's philospher-in-residence: "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up," he tweeted after the play-off final. A quote from Descartes? Sartre? Chumbawumba? No, American football coach Vince Lombardi actually. But Mathieu is certainly prone to his own moments of existential angst: "Football is shit sometimes" he mourned wistfully in April, presumably shortly after Robbie Simpson's loan deal was extended.

Key moment: "3days before miami!! Any tips of what to do or see there?" tweeted Mathieu earnestly before his American holiday last year. Fellow countryman Romain Vincelot had some blunt advice: "Please go there and stay there" to which Mathieu responded simply "haha u french twat". Touché.

GUEST BLOG! After the Lord Mayor’s Show: Where next for the “Group that never gives up”?

Instead of crying into his pint, Andy Brown - blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - has been looking at what happens next for the most successful Orient team in decades...

I write this on an overcast Bank Holiday Monday trying, as I suspect most Os fans are, to rationalise how we came so close to promotion again in a play-off final and yet fell short, for the third time in a row, to northern opponents.

Was it the West End of Wembley, the fact that the fourth team always seems to win play-offs or the fact that Slade didn’t bring on Robbie Simpson to score a 40-yard screamer in extra time?

This time we had real hope, unlike the dismal performance in 1999 or the team that fell short in 2001. Orient went into half-time with a 2-0 lead after a shaky start, but a combination of bad refereeing, Rotherham persistence and a wonder goal from ex-Orient striker Revell pegged the Os back.

Despite being the better team in extra-time, tiredness and a lack of cutting edge saw the game go to penalties, where Baudry and Dagnall missed to give promotion to Rotherham and leave us heartbroken.

Football is cruel, but in truth this game reflected our season; out ahead, only to be pegged back, then out ahead on penalties, only to be pegged back and miss out. It goes without saying that what Orient have achieved this season is phenomenal.

Joint LMA manager of the year Russell Slade has established a solid base of talented footballers that play good, passing football. With the vastly superior budgets of Wolves (and Brentford), it was always going to be hard to sustain an automatic push over 46 gruelling games, but third place was a massive achievement.

Nevertheless, the reality is we’ll be playing in League One again next season, travelling to Crewe and Scunthorpe rather than Leeds, Fulham and Middlesbrough.

As upset as I am, I’ll still get my season ticket, as I know many other Orient fans will - irrespective of what player or management changes happen in the summer. However, the question remains, where next for these players and this management team that came so close this season and how will Barry Hearn react to yesterday’s events?

Glass half-full scenario

Barry Hearn sees enough potential in Russell Slade and the key players to increase investment in the management team and playing squad to prevent fragmentation, very much as Brentford pushed on after falling short last season.

Key players Moses Odubajo and Dean Cox – even though they are under contract – stay rather than leaving for fees. Out of contract players Lloyd James and Elliot Omozusi decide to stay at the club. Hearn persuades Russell Slade to stay longer term and allows him to add to the squad in several key positions, setting Orient up well for a push on promotion again in the 2014/15 season.

Outcome: Orient finish top 6 again or pushing for automatic promotion.

Glass half-empty scenario

Russell Slade receives an offer from a Championship club and decides to leave. Offers come in for Dean Cox and Moses Odubajo and are accepted, while Elliot Omozusi and Lloyd James decide not to take up new contract offers and leave on free transfers.

A new manager needs to come in an entirely rebuild the midfield and get the new team to gel. Hearn stays true to form and invests zero in new players or improving the squad.

Outcome: Orient finish lower mid-table or fighting relegation.

Realistic scenario

Russell Slade stays. One of Cox or Odubajo leaves for good money. Orient bring in a winger to replace the departing player. James and Omozusi stay for another year. Most of this squad stays and Orient compete, once again, with a small squad.

The team doesn’t replicate this season’s success but still manages a top 10 finish. Tough decisions then need to be made in June 2015.

Outcome: Orient finish 10th

Overall it’s hard to know what to predict will happen after such an emotional day. Most of the key players are under contract, meaning that for them to leave, there will need to be good transfer fees.

But this team has been in the shop window all season, meaning a club of Orient’s size will not turn down a £1 million offer if it comes in for Moses Odubajo or a high fee for Dean Cox, both of whom are critical to this team.

Much of this also depends on Russell Slade. He was keen to talk to Barnsley when they wanted to discuss the job with him in 2011 and his stock is much higher after this season’s endeavours, which may make him hard to keep.

He may also feel he cannot go further with Orient and want a new challenge, after the disappointment of missing out in the play-offs. May and June’s movements will tell us much about the chances of this Orient team next season.

If this team stays together, there is a chance it could compete again next year. In the background, however, the Olympic Stadium and Barry Hearn’s desire to sell the club still loom large, leaving the long-term future of Orient questionable.

Orient fans are hoping the squad will stay together and grow, very much as Brentford have succeeded. But for that to happen, Hearn will need to invest even more, not just in the running of the club, but also in the playing staff, which would require a change in his philosophy or a sustainable club that succeeds on its own merits.

Either way, it has been a season to be proud of and I hope another is just around the corner. Up the Os!

Play-off final: Leyton Orient 2 Rotherham United 2, 25/5/14

And so it all came down to the last kick of a ball. A season in which Orient defied odds, broke records, exceeded expectations, battled adversity and made new friends all hinged on Chris Dagnall's final spot kick.

The lifetime Orient fan in me knew he'd miss. Typical Orient, right? Two-nil up at half-time and we fucked it up. Typical Orient.

But maybe not. There was something different about this season. I sensed it first when Kevin Lisbie scored the late, late winner against Port Vale in September to preserve the winning run at the start of the campaign. The way the players, the crowd celebrated... It mattered more than usual, somehow.

The feeling built throughout the season. Coming from behind to win impressively away at Peterborough and Swindon. Grinding out four wins in a row in a bitter January. Winning the play-off semi-final on an electric night at Brisbane Road.

We had momentum, desire, a tight unit of talented, gutsy players. So when Dagnall stepped up to take that final penalty, though the lifetime Orient fan in me knew he'd miss, the deeply proud Orient fan of this season actually thought he'd score...

Play the game, not the occasion

The day didn't start that well. They say "play the game, not the occasion" and Orient did just that. Unfortunately the game they were playing appeared to be called "Let's spoon the ball into touch".

Orient celebrate Odubajo's goal

They settled down soon enough, mind - helped by Moses Odubajo's stunning goal. The celebration that followed was a strange one, as the Os players seemed to simultaneously congratulate the winger while admonishing him for taking his shirt off, much like a reluctantly aroused mother-of-the-bride forced to watch the Chippendales at her daughter's hen party.

Dean Cox's goal meant we went into half-time 2-0 up, and while no one who's watched Orient for more than three seconds of their life thought it was game over, the evidence of this season suggested this wonderful team would be able to see out a victory.

Revelling in it

It had to be, didn't it? 

But then there was Alex Revell. It had to be. Two goals for the former Orient favourite illustrated that in Rotherham, Orient had met their match.

Because ask any Millers fan the reasons behind their team's success this season and they'll tell you about their players' never-say-die attitude, their team spirit... Sound familiar? Yes, unfortunately this group never gives up either. (Though the £30 million of investment over the last five years probably helped too. Sour grapes? Don't mind if I do...)

With the scores level it was Orient who looked like they were trying to win the game (and with our penalty record this season, they had no choice) and Rotherham who were trying not to lose.

Twelve yards of heartbreak

And so it was penalties. We're shit at penalties. Though to be fair James, Lundstrum and Clarke all dispatched theirs with confidence and class. Two of Rotherham's spot kicks were what I like to call "coward's penalties" (straight down the middle) and Jamie Jones gave us temporary hope that Orient would prevail with one stunning save.

But, of course, it was not to be. No blame can be attached to Baudry and Dagnall. We would not have even been in the play-off final were it not for those two fine players.

Not so typical

So it hurts. It hurts real bad. I do not think I will ever get over this. Ever.

But let's remember that Orient have no monopoly on footballing heartbreak. Anyone who supports a club other than the handful in the world who can afford to be repeatedly successful will tell you that.

Are Orient fans feeling any worse than Brentford fans did at the same point last year? Any worse than the Peterborough fans who saw their team get relegated last season with record points? Probably not.

The boys of 05/06

In fact, there's no such thing as "typical Orient" - not really. And what I loved about yesterday and what I love about Orient are the untypical things. John Mackie, captain of the promotion-winning side of 2005/06 (nothing "typical" about that game at Oxford), galvanising his former team mates via Twitter to come and support their 2013/14 counterparts at Wembley.

Mathieu Baudry, after missing a crucial penalty, joining fans at the pub after the game to apologise and commiserate with them.

The almost 100 per cent lack of post-match recriminations from fans on Twitter and instead a groundswell of pride, honour and love for a team - heroes to a man - that has provided us with so many moments to savour in this wonderful season.

Yeah, it's shit that we're in League One again next season. This squad might get broken up. The manager might leave. We may never got a shot at the Championship like this one again.

But, you know, I wouldn't swap one second of it. Not one second. Apart from the one where Dagnall missed I suppose...

Play-off semi final: Leyton Orient 2 Peterborough United 1, 13/5/14

A game in which... everything finally made sense for Orient fans: all those bitterly cold 0-0 draws with Macclesfield; those long, gruelling trips to Carlisle to watch us lose 5-0; the toothless capitulations to lower league opposition in cup competitions; and the entire reign of Paul Brush... All that was worth it for this: a night of glorious payback courtesy of our gutsy, resilient, never-say-die squad and their heroic manager.

Something is different in the east London air this season - and I don't just mean Kevin Dearden's ongoing flatulence issues. It feels like this brilliant team genuinely has the talent, momentum and belief to go all the way. Or, as Russell Slade himself put it: "We're not just going to Wembley to make up the numbers." 

Let's all pile in on Coxy 

Moment of magic... The celebration that followed Dean Cox's opening goal in which the diminutive winger was descended upon by all his team mates and half of the North Stand. It looked dangerous: like the entire sumo wrestling community of Tokyo had inexplicably decided to attack a small guinea pig. That Tiny came out alive is a miracle. 

Moment of madness... When, in the fifth minute of injury time, Chris Dagnall decided that instead of herding the ball into a corner he'd unleash a loose speculative shot at the Peterborough goal, almost as if he hadn't seen - let alone played - a single second of football in his entire life. The Scouse goal hero apparently explained his folly in his post-match interview, but all I could make out was a repetitive high-pitched screech tempered occasionally with a word I believe to be "cheese".

Top gun... All of them. Really, all of them. This was a performance of collective brilliance and commitment. Admittedly the spectre of history loomed large in the dying minutes when it almost looked like 'new Orient' were going to revert to 'typical Orient' and blow their two-goal lead with all the staggering carelessness of a Euro Millions lottery winner who accidentally leaves his ticket on the bus while on the way to collect his cash. Thankfully they held firm, and were even confident enough to let Peterborough's Craig Alcock have a free shot on goal in the last action of the game. 

In the dug out... You have to hand it to Russ: he's got a sense of humour. Why else would he have played right back Syam Ben Youssef up front in 2012 or signed Marc Laird? His pre-match interview with Sky Sports was classic Slade:

Interviewer: Have you practised penalties?

Slade: Of course.

Interviewer: Are you confident you can win if it comes to that?

Slade: Not from what I've seen.

View from the opposition... You could make a book out of a season's worth of increasingly hollow tweets from the Peterborough trolls. However, that book would be the worst book ever printed, the literary equivalent of an embarrassing uncle still desperately trying to get a laugh by placing his glasses slightly askance on his face. Still, respect to all their proper fans at Brisbane Road who kept up a relentless chant of "When the Posh go steaming in" throughout the game. Good luck "steaming in" to the likes of Fleetwood Town or Burton Albion next season, lads.

Tweet of the week... Respect to the legend that is John Mackie, who's currently in the process of trying to round up the 2005/06 promotion-winning squad via Twitter for a trip to the play-off final. John tweeted this picture of the team in Las Vegas, where they appear to have been photo-bombed by a pasty white English guy on a stag do... Oh, no, hang on, that's Joe Keith. It seems there's one member of the squad who won't be getting an invite though: Joe Dolan. "He joined the year after," clarified John, who has perhaps erased from his mind the full horror of Joe's two appearances in the 2005/06 promotion season. Awkward. 

Play-off preview: Leyton Orient v Peterborough United head to head

Leyton Orient have the looks, Peterborough have the money. But who is better placed to advance to Wembley through the play-off semi-finals? 

I thought I'd find out by scientifically* matching up the teams' relative attributes. However, since it was only a week ago that I discovered Peterborough were actually in the same division as us – I thought they were in League Two – I know literally nothing about them. Luckily James Masters is a proper journalist for The Times and stuff, so he's written all the bits about the Posh players... 

(*unscientifically) 

The Cats

Jamie Jones versus Bobby Olejnik

Jamie Jones

Former Everton trainee Jamie Jones guards the Orient net like a Scouser fiercely protecting his six-pack of Tesco own-brand lager from fellow guests at a Toxteth house party. Take a shot at Jamie and he’ll almost certainly save it; drop a ball from a great height and he’ll almost certainly waft a punch at it like a nine-year-old girl half-heartedly trying to burst a pinata. But never mind that: Jones is Orient’s best goalkeeper in years – maybe ever – and his prowess could prove critical.   

Score: 8/10

Bobby Olejnik

Bobby – or 'B.O' as the kids in the changing rooms at school are alleged to have called him – was born in Vienna where he became a national dancing champion with his famous waltz. Little Bobby’s quick dancing feet and 'can, can' attitude has made him a favourite at Posh where he was named player of the year and celebrated by busting moves to Haydn, Mozart and Schubert.  

Score: 9/10

The Rocks

Nathan Clarke versus Jack Baldwin

Nathan Clarke

A towering physique, threatening tattoos and a look of cold, hard terror in his eyes... which makes it all the more strange that when Nathan Clarke opens his mouth he sounds like an ageing bit-part actress from Coronation Street. Luckily the only words he needs to say on the pitch are: "Shit lads we’re losing, I’m going to luzz it into the mixer so get your fookin’ nonces on it."  Not much gets past Orient’s Captain Fantastic, so the Posh will have their work cut out.

Score: 9/10

Jack Baldwin

JB is the defensive rock – the young wolf who keeps the back door slammed shut. He cost £500,000 from Hartlepool earlier this season, a figure so large nobody in Leyton has ever managed to count to it. Balders, who ironically is well endowed in the follicle department, was actually born in Redbridge but was never welcomed at Orient – a club where there’s only room for one bald winner.

Score 8/10

The Engines

Romain Vincelot versus Michael Bostwick 

Romain Vincelot

Watching Romain Vincelot go about his job you’re minded not just of a footballer, but of an over-zealous French serial killer frantically trying to cover his tracks by eradicating all the witnesses to his many crimes. Yes, the immaculately-bearded midfielder is everywhere, tearing into opponents, breaking up their play and amassing enough yellow cards to build them into a full-sized replica of the Pyramids of Giza. This guy is immense.

Score: 8/10

Michael Bostwick

Posh’s enforcer, known as 'The Boss' because of his unyielding desire for victory and not his range of Hugo Boss underwear, is well known to O’s supporters. It’s unclear whether Bostwick has taken out an injunction over what I’m about to tell you…but he used to play for Stevenage. I say play, he used to run up and down while the ball went over his head. Posh paid £800,000 for him – imagine how many Bovril lids Orient could buy with that.

Score: 8/10

The Prima Donnas

Dean Cox versus Nathaniel Mendez-Laing 

Dean Cox

Orient's diminutive winger has a special talent – and I don't just mean his ability to enter and leave buildings via the cat flap. So far this season Tiny has 15 goals and 13 assists - the most in League One - proving he's absolutely critical to the success of the Os. Recently Russell Slade has been playing Cox in a position called "just fucking run about and try to do something" rather than on the wing, but wherever he's stationed, he's sure to be a threat. 

Score: 9/10

Nathaniel Mendez-Laing

Pies, doughnuts and a lifetime supply of Ben and Jerry’s – those are just three of the guilty pleasures which may or may not have contributed to NML turning up to pre-season a bit heavier than he was supposed to. His talent has never been in doubt but neither has his ability to seek trouble – as he did in November 2012 when he was cautioned by police after a wild night out and promptly transfer-listed. It is unclear if he escaped by eating his way out of the cell.

Score: 7/10

The Marksmen

David Mooney versus Britt Assomalonga 

David Mooney

Over David Mooney's time at Orient he has metamorphosied from a slow-moving caterpillar – all criss-crossed legs and malfunctioning antennae – to a beautiful butterfly, soaring to the top of the League One scoring charts in the early part of this season. Since chipping the keeper at Swindon back in November, Moon's will now only ever attempt to score through the medium of a lob. Despite this he remains a major threat. 

Score: 8/10

Britt Assombalonga

There are not many men fortunate enough to share a name with Jewish ritual circumcision but Britt is not any ordinary man. This guy, rather aptly, has so much cutting edge that he can scythe through the spurious bullshit espoused by UKIP on a daily basis. He cost a cool £1.5 million from Watford but his 17-point scrabble surname means he’s always a favourite at the local old-aged home.

Score: 9/10

The Gaffers

Russell Slade versus Darren Ferguson 

Russell Slade 

Legend has it that Russell Slade broke into football management only after erroneously turning up at Notts County's Meadow Lane when intending to interview for an assistant head of PE position at the nearby Nottingham Girls' High School. And when I say "legend", I mean I have made this up. But a lack of playing pedigree hasn’t stopped the balding Berkshire man from crafting a team of free transfers into Championship prospects – a feat that puts him right up there with the best football managers of the moment. 

Score: 9/10

Darren Ferguson

When Darren Ferguson retires he’d like to move to Turkey and become an expert in kebabs – that’s the word on the street in Leyton. What other explanation could there be for his constant presence in local haunt, Anatolia, on Leyton High Road, which even has its own shrine to Fergie in the gents toilets with a personalised hairdryer. It has also been revealed that every time Fergie washes his hands, he looks in the mirror, waves and says, 'Halloumi'.

Score: 8/10

And the final score? 

Leyton Orient: 51/60 

Peterborough United: 49/60

And THAT'S science so you can't even argue with it. Bring on Wembley!