Leyton Orient 2 Southend United 0, 29/12/20

A game in which... Orient took to the field massively disadvantaged by the fact Ross Embleton was self-isolating on account of wanting to finish season four of The Crown. Well, I say massively disadvantaged but it soon became apparent the Os were playing with exactly the same tactical nous as in previous games. Which was none.

Luckily this was ultimately an improved performance nonetheless and two typical moments of class from McAnuff and Wilkinson and a unprecedented lack of catastrophic defensive errors were enough to polish off a woeful Southend side. 

But let me say this: Orient really aren't as bad as many doomsayers have been making out in the past few weeks. We're actually worse. Ok, JUST KIDDING... Christ! We're one point of the play offs, and while we obviously won't actually get promoted, in a messed up season we ain't doing too bad, and very occasionally have looked pretty good. And remember, finishing 17th in the fourth tier is actually Orient's natural resting state, so we're all good... 

Moment of magic... The moment referee Craig Hicks measured out the 10 yards required for the placement of the Southend wall when facing an Orient free kick. It seems finickity Southend players and fans believe that the man in black miscalculated by, say, a couple of kilometres or so making it too simple for McAnuff to pop the ball in the net. I guess looking at the evidence we can concede that Mr Hicks probably does have a problem estimating measurements, but it's not Southend you should feel sorry for, it's the referee's string of disappointed lovers sold a false promise, amirite? 

Praise be... It's now a firmly held Orient tradition that whenever Sam Ling – who unrelatedly is the son of the Director of Football – doesn't put in a car crash performance we have to overly praise him, so let's get that out the way: MIND-BLOWING 90 MINUTES FROM SAM LING – WHO UNRELATEDLY IS THE SON OF THE DIRECTOR OF FOOTBALL – ONE IN THE EYE FOR ALL THE LING-BASHERS. Aside from that Akinola played quite well, hey? 

Taxi for... It's now five months since Martin Ling's bizarre interview in which he ends up congratulating himself on signing Ouss Cisse then realises in horror what he's done so tries to backtrack by executing a two-footed tackle on the English language: "A sigh of a job well done we thought we were losing." So let's all think about what Cisse has achieved since then. Well that's three milliseconds of your life you'll never get back. But let's not be too harsh on the player who looked so promising on loan but has delivered so little this campaign. After all, I think he's just about to complete the tackle he began in the season-opener against Oldham. 

In the dug out... Forget Brexit, the real schism in this country is between the ROSS OUT-ERS and the ROSS IN-ERS. (Not forgetting, of course, the MONSTER RAVING ROSS-ERS, the THE PEOPLE'S FRONT OF ROSS, THE ROSS-IAN PEOPLE'S FRONT and a new organisation called RECLAIM ROSS set up by the actor Laurence Fox, who believes that #allRossesMatter and that all the rich, privileged, white Rosses have a really hard time these days.) 

Is Ross the right manager for Orient or not is the question. The answer: hard to say for the long run, but it's difficult to imagine that a different gaffer would have us topping the table right now without some changes to the squad. Still, there may be a neat compromise lurking in the fact that we now have a 100% record in games in which Embleton was the manager, but didn't actually attend... 

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Southend 2 Leyton Orient 2, 20/2/13

A game which... left Orient fans sicker than Sean Thornton and JJ Melligan the morning after a particularly debauched St Patrick's Day. God knows it's heartbreaking to lose in the dying minutes of what's effectively a pre-Wembley semi-final, but to do so to your arch nemeses hurts really bad.

Still, despite their very best efforts, over the two legs Orient only have themselves to blame for not capitalising on the long spells of pressure they did have and for somehow allowing all three of Southend's only shots on goal in 180 minutes to actually go in.

Moment of magic... David Mooney's headed goal, demonstrating that if you need an ice-cool striker who'll reliably put away one in every 46 chances, he's your man.

Moment of madness... That time-bending moment in the second half when - at 2-1 up - the ball spooned up off Shaun Batt's shin, over the Southend keeper and towards the goal. It seemed to hang for hours - suspending the hopes and dreams of Os fans in mid-air - before finally, inevitably and predictably plopping on to the crossbar like Kevin Dearden collapsing onto an armchair after polishing off a Pizza Hut Jumbo Dinner Box and three bumper packs of Doritos.

Knight in shining armour... Lee Cook caused the opposition many problems, presumably confusing them by being the only Orient player not to repeatedly hoof the ball up the pitch as soon as it came near him. Shaun Batt too was a constant nuisance, often to himself, and continues to be Orient's best 'big man' since the imaginary ones Martin Ling talked up every summer.

Pantomime horse... This is no time to blame individuals - that time comes after league games - because it was clear quite how much this mattered to the team. The players gave their all and were crestfallen at the final whistle - a situation not helped by the fact they were surrounded by pitch-invading Southend fans celebrating like they'd just heard Essex's own Jodie Marsh had been given an OBE.

In the dug out... Clearly Russell had issued some very specific instructions about the way Orient should be playing. He calls it 'direct'; others know it as 'LUMP IT'. Either way it was a surprise to see just how quickly the players were releasing the ball upfield rather than letting the likes of Cox, Cook and Odubajo get on it. Particularly as this seemed to be playing to Southend's strengths rather than our own, a ploy that makes about as much sense as challenging Andy Murray to game of tennis after he's just offered to play you at Monopoly.

Meanwhile on Twitter... This week saw a smart innovation from the official @leytonorientfc Twitter feed. Just send a tweet explaining why you should follow Orient and you could win a pre-match meal of minced horse at the club restaurant. Simple. There were plenty of entries, although unfortunately for the club almost all of them went something like this: "You thought Chris Huhme was good at getting someone to take his points? You've seen nothing yet. #ff @leytonorientfc for car crash endings." Or this: "#ff @leytonorientfc so you can brag to friends about supporting 'real football' before going home to cry alone." It even made the news in Sweden.

Statto corner... Contrary to popular opinion Orient have actually secured some silverware in their history - and not just the cutlery set Kevin Nugent won in the tombola at the annual Leyton Women's Institute fete. In 1973 the club won the now defunct London Challenge Cup, a competition in which teams from the capital competed against local primary schools. "It was a proud moment," recalled captain Peter Allen. "Enfield Girls High School are a tough side to break down, but we stuck at it and got the result."

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Leyton Orient 0 Southend United 1, 5/2/13

Paul Sturrock... or is it Christopher Biggins?

A game which... demonstrated that while losing football matches is always painful, defeat to Southend is like being strapped to a bed of spikes, set on fire and made to watch Paul Sturrock slowly disrobe. But Orient have only themselves to blame, really: they created enough chances to be 47-0 up at half-time but failed to convert any of them and then did a passable impression of an average League Two side - Southend, for example - for the final 45 minutes. Still, if we win at Roots Hall it will have been worth losing just to have temporarily got the Shrimpers fans' hopes up.

Moment of magic... One driving run from Shaun Batt in the first half that teed up David Mooney perfectly to slot in from the six-yard box. Or at least it would have done had Mooney's first touch not taken the ball to somewhere just outside of Epping. Yes, while both strikers did plenty of good work in creating opportunities, unfortunately neither had the wherewithal to actually put the ball in the net when it mattered.

Moment of madness... Mathieu Baudry's inexplicably weak header in the lead-up to the Southend goal, which hung invitingly in the air for so long that Ben Chorley, watching at home on Sky, had time to send a fax to the club office berating the Frenchman for his ineptitude.

Knight in shining armour... No one particularly covered themselves in glory tonight so let's instead focus on the fact that Jamie Jones - after an uncharacteristically nervous performance against Stevenage - was commanding his area with much more authority. At one point in the first half he charged off his line with all the speed of a Scouse autograph hunter who's just spotted Cilla Black having a ciggy with Atomic Kitten and the entire cast of Brookside.

Pantomime villains... The Southend fans, of course, who did themselves proud by ripping up the seats in the East Stand. I guess they still haven't forgiven us for selling them Marc Laird.

In the dug out... "Don't worry, it's only half-time," said Russell at the end of the game, confusing poor Jimmy Smith who was still to be seen running round the pitch at 10:30pm wondering why he was being afforded so much time and space on the ball. Still didn't score, mind.

Statto corner... Back in the early 90s manager Peter Eustace didn't pay the Football League Trophy - or the Beaphar Care-plus Hamster Food Trophy as it was known then - as much respect as Russell Slade does now. In a first round game against Brentford in 1993, for example, the Orient team contained three ball boys, two tea ladies and five members of the local Women's Institute. "We would have won if I hadn't also given Colin West a run out," said Eustace.