Leyton Orient 1 Peterborough United 2, 13/12/14

A game in which... Orient's fourth new era of the season began much like the other three: with a whimper rather than a slightly louder whimper. Once again the team fell meekly to defeat against an average side, and it's clear that confidence is at rock bottom.

But let's not get on the players' backs: it really does seem like they are trying ("Yes, very trying!" Lolz) and they actually looked pretty shellshocked at the final whistle. The trouble was that they also played like they were shellshocked for the preceding 90 minutes.

Jump off your seat moment... The goalmouth scramble in the sixth minute of added time during which seven separate Orient players attempted to score into an open net from two inches, and yet each failed to do so. To be honest, luck isn't on our side at the moment – on another day, for example, one of the two shots we had on target in the entire game might have fluked a deflection and gone in.

Give that man a medal... Given a rare start in the even rarer position of lone striker, Shaun Batt deserved his well-taken goal and acquitted himself pretty well. And by that I mean he didn't fall over as much as usual. Lowry, Vincelot and Cox also tried their hearts out. Even Jobi McAnuff didn't play badly. Instead he opted not to play at all.

Adam Legzdins

Taxi for... Have you ever found yourself wondering if Adam Legzdins would be a better keeper if he shaved off his beard? No, me neither, but we were nonetheless given the chance to find out today when the freshly-shorn hipster took to the pitch. And the good news was that Legzdins didn't make his one customary blunder. The bad news was that instead he made two blunders, fumbling twice in succession in the first half. Probably should have done better with their second goal too, no?

"Fuck the technical shit"... Or, as Fabio Liverani would put it: "Cazzo la merda tecnica". God only knows what the new Italian-speaking gaffer was saying when instructing Romain Vincelot on the touchline, but the outcome was that the midfielder was last seen in Leyton Asda trying to buy truffle oil. But let's give Liverani time before we write him off (or Mr Becchetti fires him). After all, if he's going to insist upon playing Scott Cuthbert up front for the final 15 minutes of each game then at least we're going to be in for some fun in League Two.

Meanwhile on YouTube... Dancing girls! Drum and bass! Chiselled-jawed Azzurri! Yes, it can only be another trailer for the Leyton Orient reality show, currently taking Italy by storm (in a teacup). Sit back and enjoy watching 22 Italians playing in an empty Brisbane Road while remembering it was only seven months ago that we were beating Peterborough on the way to the play-off final. How times change...

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Peterborough United 2 Leyton Orient 3, 2/9/14

Orient's formation tonight 

A game in which... Russell Slade didn't just rip up the football book of tactics, but doused it in petrol, set it alight and scattered its burning embers over the London Road turf. Yes, by fielding four central defenders, four central midfielders and two centre forwards, the manager played a team so lacking in width that it was like watching 11 players do the conga for 90 minutes.

Not that it prevented Orient recording a relatively straightforward victory over the league leaders – despite playing much of the second half with only 10 men – and there were plenty of signs that things are going in the right direction this season.

Jump off your seat moment... The moment that led to Orient's second goal when Lloyd James released Chris Dagnall with an outside-of-the-boot pass so sublime it was almost as if he actually meant it. Just kidding: this was no accident and was the leek-flavoured icing on the Welsh cake of a superb performance by Orient's midfield playmaker.

Give that man a medal... Despite Lloyd James's heroics and another commanding display by Gary Woods, it was Chris Dagnall who swiped the man-of-the-match fake Champagne tonight – and for good reason. The little Scouse terrier was a constant menace, scoring two goals and setting up the other. But don't listen to me, hear it from the man himself in his post-match interview in which he screeched: "Laaaaaaa wheeee laaaa eeeee llaaaa wheee laaa laaaa llama whee." Or something like that.

Don't worry Marvin, there's always this...

Taxi for... Oh Marvin Bartley. Stitched up like a kipper for Peterborough's first goal, wasteful in possession and demonstrating an alarming inability to control a football. It turns out the midfielder used to install double glazing for a living –  and he certainly continues to deliver twice the pane for Orient fans whenever he's on the pitch. Sorry.

"Fuck the technical shit"... What is Russell Slade's preferred staring XI? Well, it's September and still only one man knows the answer to this... so if anyone comes across that man can you ask him to tell Russell what it is. Woods or Legzdins in goal? Mooney or Henderson up front? Omozusi or Lowry at left back? Bartley or a packet of Monster Munch on the bench? Tough decisions for the manager.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Much consternation from Os fans tonight over the Sky Sports commentary team's relentless drooling over Peterborough. After the 34,000th mention of the fact that Posh have a relatively young team Kris Hood was moved to tweet this picture of their fresh-faced players. At one point co-commentator and professional idiot Garry Birtles got so over-excited he compared a Posh free kick to those of David Luiz. "Bit different because he plays for Peterborough and it went over the bar," deadpanned Os fan Edina. Touché.

Play-off semi final: Leyton Orient 2 Peterborough United 1, 13/5/14

A game in which... everything finally made sense for Orient fans: all those bitterly cold 0-0 draws with Macclesfield; those long, gruelling trips to Carlisle to watch us lose 5-0; the toothless capitulations to lower league opposition in cup competitions; and the entire reign of Paul Brush... All that was worth it for this: a night of glorious payback courtesy of our gutsy, resilient, never-say-die squad and their heroic manager.

Something is different in the east London air this season - and I don't just mean Kevin Dearden's ongoing flatulence issues. It feels like this brilliant team genuinely has the talent, momentum and belief to go all the way. Or, as Russell Slade himself put it: "We're not just going to Wembley to make up the numbers." 

Let's all pile in on Coxy 

Moment of magic... The celebration that followed Dean Cox's opening goal in which the diminutive winger was descended upon by all his team mates and half of the North Stand. It looked dangerous: like the entire sumo wrestling community of Tokyo had inexplicably decided to attack a small guinea pig. That Tiny came out alive is a miracle. 

Moment of madness... When, in the fifth minute of injury time, Chris Dagnall decided that instead of herding the ball into a corner he'd unleash a loose speculative shot at the Peterborough goal, almost as if he hadn't seen - let alone played - a single second of football in his entire life. The Scouse goal hero apparently explained his folly in his post-match interview, but all I could make out was a repetitive high-pitched screech tempered occasionally with a word I believe to be "cheese".

Top gun... All of them. Really, all of them. This was a performance of collective brilliance and commitment. Admittedly the spectre of history loomed large in the dying minutes when it almost looked like 'new Orient' were going to revert to 'typical Orient' and blow their two-goal lead with all the staggering carelessness of a Euro Millions lottery winner who accidentally leaves his ticket on the bus while on the way to collect his cash. Thankfully they held firm, and were even confident enough to let Peterborough's Craig Alcock have a free shot on goal in the last action of the game. 

In the dug out... You have to hand it to Russ: he's got a sense of humour. Why else would he have played right back Syam Ben Youssef up front in 2012 or signed Marc Laird? His pre-match interview with Sky Sports was classic Slade:

Interviewer: Have you practised penalties?

Slade: Of course.

Interviewer: Are you confident you can win if it comes to that?

Slade: Not from what I've seen.

View from the opposition... You could make a book out of a season's worth of increasingly hollow tweets from the Peterborough trolls. However, that book would be the worst book ever printed, the literary equivalent of an embarrassing uncle still desperately trying to get a laugh by placing his glasses slightly askance on his face. Still, respect to all their proper fans at Brisbane Road who kept up a relentless chant of "When the Posh go steaming in" throughout the game. Good luck "steaming in" to the likes of Fleetwood Town or Burton Albion next season, lads.

Tweet of the week... Respect to the legend that is John Mackie, who's currently in the process of trying to round up the 2005/06 promotion-winning squad via Twitter for a trip to the play-off final. John tweeted this picture of the team in Las Vegas, where they appear to have been photo-bombed by a pasty white English guy on a stag do... Oh, no, hang on, that's Joe Keith. It seems there's one member of the squad who won't be getting an invite though: Joe Dolan. "He joined the year after," clarified John, who has perhaps erased from his mind the full horror of Joe's two appearances in the 2005/06 promotion season. Awkward. 

Play-off semi-final: Peterborough United 1 Leyton Orient 1, 10/5/14

Peterborough prepare their pitch for today's game

A game in which... Peterborough did everything they could to stop Orient - ploughing their own pitch with an industrial-sized bulldozer, for example. Yes, this first leg proved exactly why the Os are in the play-offs as they took the game to the expensively-assembled home side and really should have come away with more than a draw.

The consequences of failing to win when dominant will become clear on Tuesday, but what's not in doubt is that this is a team burning with belief, desire and commitment.

Moment of magic... The moment in the second half when Mathieu Baudry, after riding a couple of tackles, began to stride majestically up the pitch like a returning French war hero leading a victory parade up the Champs-Elysees before spending the night in an expensive bordel. The move ultimately came to nothing, but it epitomised an epic performance from the central defender.

Moment of madness... The moment Kevin Lisbie - who, incidentally put in an awesome shift that belied his 56 years of age - found the ball popping up to him in front of goal in the first half. It was one of those at a height that makes a striker think "Should I volley it or head it?", although inexplicably Lis choose neither and instead opted for belly-flopping towards the ball like a fat kid trying to impress his classmates at the local swimming pool. It didn't work.

Top gun... Particularly excellent performances from Cuthbert, Baudry and (in the second half) Vincelot, but man of the match has to go to Moses Odubajo for a) a driving, penetrative 45 minutes down the right flank after half-time and b) somehow resisting the weight of Orient's entire history and not spooning his shot at an open goal over the bar.

Not quite so top gun... By his standards, John Lundstram had a disappointing game. At one point in the first half he gave away the ball four times in quick succession, the only explanation being that since he's been on loan so many times he literally forgot what team he was playing for. Either that or he was temporarily possessed by the ghost of Paul Terry.

In the dug out... You have to hand it to Russell, this season he's shown that he's not afraid to experiment when it comes to making substitutions. For example, sometimes he's brought Shaun Batt on with 20 minutes to go, and sometimes he's brought Shaun Batt on with 19 minutes to go. Today the manager went renegade, ripped up the rule book and brought Shaun Batt on with 21 minutes to go. It worked, mind, and the big striker was instrumental in Orient's equalising goal.

Orient's player budget for 2013/14

View from the opposition...  "Why does everyone think we come from money?" moaned the one-joke wind-up merchant
Secret Posh Fan, apparently without irony. "We spent just under £2 million on players this year." Yeah, we spent just under £2 on players this year, mate - and that was for a couple of packs of party poppers and a Twix to help the team celebrate securing a play-off place.

Tweet of the week... "Strange day today. No Prem games and no academy fixtures to watch," tweeted former Stoke City benchwarmer Michael Owen this morning, almost as if he had literally no idea that football existed beneath the Premier League. Next Tuesday: Michael expresses surprise when Sky Sports televises Leyton Orient v Peterborough: "Enjoying the Kabbadi from east London on TV tonight. In many ways, it seems to be a similar game to football."

Ready for the second leg? Read James Masters and me running the rule over the relative merits of Orient and Peterborough 

Play-off preview: Leyton Orient v Peterborough United head to head

Leyton Orient have the looks, Peterborough have the money. But who is better placed to advance to Wembley through the play-off semi-finals? 

I thought I'd find out by scientifically* matching up the teams' relative attributes. However, since it was only a week ago that I discovered Peterborough were actually in the same division as us – I thought they were in League Two – I know literally nothing about them. Luckily James Masters is a proper journalist for The Times and stuff, so he's written all the bits about the Posh players... 

(*unscientifically) 

The Cats

Jamie Jones versus Bobby Olejnik

Jamie Jones

Former Everton trainee Jamie Jones guards the Orient net like a Scouser fiercely protecting his six-pack of Tesco own-brand lager from fellow guests at a Toxteth house party. Take a shot at Jamie and he’ll almost certainly save it; drop a ball from a great height and he’ll almost certainly waft a punch at it like a nine-year-old girl half-heartedly trying to burst a pinata. But never mind that: Jones is Orient’s best goalkeeper in years – maybe ever – and his prowess could prove critical.   

Score: 8/10

Bobby Olejnik

Bobby – or 'B.O' as the kids in the changing rooms at school are alleged to have called him – was born in Vienna where he became a national dancing champion with his famous waltz. Little Bobby’s quick dancing feet and 'can, can' attitude has made him a favourite at Posh where he was named player of the year and celebrated by busting moves to Haydn, Mozart and Schubert.  

Score: 9/10

The Rocks

Nathan Clarke versus Jack Baldwin

Nathan Clarke

A towering physique, threatening tattoos and a look of cold, hard terror in his eyes... which makes it all the more strange that when Nathan Clarke opens his mouth he sounds like an ageing bit-part actress from Coronation Street. Luckily the only words he needs to say on the pitch are: "Shit lads we’re losing, I’m going to luzz it into the mixer so get your fookin’ nonces on it."  Not much gets past Orient’s Captain Fantastic, so the Posh will have their work cut out.

Score: 9/10

Jack Baldwin

JB is the defensive rock – the young wolf who keeps the back door slammed shut. He cost £500,000 from Hartlepool earlier this season, a figure so large nobody in Leyton has ever managed to count to it. Balders, who ironically is well endowed in the follicle department, was actually born in Redbridge but was never welcomed at Orient – a club where there’s only room for one bald winner.

Score 8/10

The Engines

Romain Vincelot versus Michael Bostwick 

Romain Vincelot

Watching Romain Vincelot go about his job you’re minded not just of a footballer, but of an over-zealous French serial killer frantically trying to cover his tracks by eradicating all the witnesses to his many crimes. Yes, the immaculately-bearded midfielder is everywhere, tearing into opponents, breaking up their play and amassing enough yellow cards to build them into a full-sized replica of the Pyramids of Giza. This guy is immense.

Score: 8/10

Michael Bostwick

Posh’s enforcer, known as 'The Boss' because of his unyielding desire for victory and not his range of Hugo Boss underwear, is well known to O’s supporters. It’s unclear whether Bostwick has taken out an injunction over what I’m about to tell you…but he used to play for Stevenage. I say play, he used to run up and down while the ball went over his head. Posh paid £800,000 for him – imagine how many Bovril lids Orient could buy with that.

Score: 8/10

The Prima Donnas

Dean Cox versus Nathaniel Mendez-Laing 

Dean Cox

Orient's diminutive winger has a special talent – and I don't just mean his ability to enter and leave buildings via the cat flap. So far this season Tiny has 15 goals and 13 assists - the most in League One - proving he's absolutely critical to the success of the Os. Recently Russell Slade has been playing Cox in a position called "just fucking run about and try to do something" rather than on the wing, but wherever he's stationed, he's sure to be a threat. 

Score: 9/10

Nathaniel Mendez-Laing

Pies, doughnuts and a lifetime supply of Ben and Jerry’s – those are just three of the guilty pleasures which may or may not have contributed to NML turning up to pre-season a bit heavier than he was supposed to. His talent has never been in doubt but neither has his ability to seek trouble – as he did in November 2012 when he was cautioned by police after a wild night out and promptly transfer-listed. It is unclear if he escaped by eating his way out of the cell.

Score: 7/10

The Marksmen

David Mooney versus Britt Assomalonga 

David Mooney

Over David Mooney's time at Orient he has metamorphosied from a slow-moving caterpillar – all criss-crossed legs and malfunctioning antennae – to a beautiful butterfly, soaring to the top of the League One scoring charts in the early part of this season. Since chipping the keeper at Swindon back in November, Moon's will now only ever attempt to score through the medium of a lob. Despite this he remains a major threat. 

Score: 8/10

Britt Assombalonga

There are not many men fortunate enough to share a name with Jewish ritual circumcision but Britt is not any ordinary man. This guy, rather aptly, has so much cutting edge that he can scythe through the spurious bullshit espoused by UKIP on a daily basis. He cost a cool £1.5 million from Watford but his 17-point scrabble surname means he’s always a favourite at the local old-aged home.

Score: 9/10

The Gaffers

Russell Slade versus Darren Ferguson 

Russell Slade 

Legend has it that Russell Slade broke into football management only after erroneously turning up at Notts County's Meadow Lane when intending to interview for an assistant head of PE position at the nearby Nottingham Girls' High School. And when I say "legend", I mean I have made this up. But a lack of playing pedigree hasn’t stopped the balding Berkshire man from crafting a team of free transfers into Championship prospects – a feat that puts him right up there with the best football managers of the moment. 

Score: 9/10

Darren Ferguson

When Darren Ferguson retires he’d like to move to Turkey and become an expert in kebabs – that’s the word on the street in Leyton. What other explanation could there be for his constant presence in local haunt, Anatolia, on Leyton High Road, which even has its own shrine to Fergie in the gents toilets with a personalised hairdryer. It has also been revealed that every time Fergie washes his hands, he looks in the mirror, waves and says, 'Halloumi'.

Score: 8/10

And the final score? 

Leyton Orient: 51/60 

Peterborough United: 49/60

And THAT'S science so you can't even argue with it. Bring on Wembley! 

Leyton Orient moments of the season 2013/14

Whatever happens in the play-offs, this has been a season to remember for Orient fans. Here some of them pick out their highlights so far...


When David Mooney felt "Glad All Over"

"I have to say my highlight of the season was away at Swindon. With the PA still waiting for the final bars of 'Glad All Over' to finish while announcing Swindon’s goalscorer, Mooney was busy applying the finish to make it 1-1. I don't think they were feeling 'Glad All Over' after that - particularly when one of their fans swung a punch at Jonesy."

Laurie Hann. Read Laurie’s Orient blog Hannover And Out 

Jump around!

"My favourite moment so far this season is without doubt Peterborough away. I got goosebumps watching 60- and 70-year old men getting up and singing with us."

Frank Bish

Romain the Lionheart

"Not often are the Orient crowd treated to a display of passion and true grit as they were when Romain Vincelot, bursting with Gallic flair and an impressive beard, did his best lion impression against Hull City in the second round of the Capital One Cup. Beating his chest and roaring at the West Stand crowd, Vincelot showed how passionate he was, not only about winning the game but also preserving the boys 100 per cent record from the start of the season.

"Romain has proved to be a big hit amongst the fans throughout the season and this was easily my favourite moment from him. I’ve seen many gestures from the Orient players since but this had to be the best."

Evy Stark

Batt batters big club

"It has to be when Shaun Batt came on away at Brentford and put those smug mugs in their place!"

Julian Lloyd-Webber. Hear more from Orient's number one celebrity fan

When we all became Lisbians...

"Kevin Lisbie’s winning goal against Port Vale in September. Orient’s perfect record was under threat as the Valiants had made it 2-2 early in the second half, but just when it looked like the Os would drop points for the first time, Lisbie grabbed the winner in the 88th minute. Not only did the goal keep Orient’s unprecedented start intact, it was also Lisbie’s 100th career goal.

"However, the goal is of even greater significance to me because it encapsulates the spirit around the club this season. The players celebrated the goal in among the Orient fans, showing the strong connection between the team and the supporters. Furthermore, the Os had to come from behind after initially going a goal down and they fought until the end to claim the victory, epitomising this season’s mantra: ‘This group never gives up’."

James Mealing. Read James’s blog Total Orient

Running with the Wolves

“I’d go with the consensus and say Peterborough away - perhaps the most accomplished away performance I’ve ever seen Orient turn in - but my girlfriend is a Posh fan and said game was thus capped by the most miserable Nandos visit ever. Instead I’ll go with Wolves away. Sure, it was a bit like The Alamo, and debutant goalie Jake Larkins most likely still wakes up screaming in the night about men in gold shirts running at him. But somehow we got away with it and it was delicious. Honorable mention: Mathieu Baudry wearing his head bandage all winter despite nothing really being wrong with him, he just thought it looked cool. And it did.”

James McMahon

Bosnia's number one

"I think it has to be Eldin. Never has a man been so passionate about doing his job. The way he would make a save and then roar at the South Stand was just amazing. I also loved it when we were winning against Colchester and a steward was about to throw the ball back to him and he screamed at him to drop it and leave it where it was. Essentially he was a bit mental but he was fucking brilliant. So his brief but brilliant stay has been my highlight. I actually enjoyed teams having shots at our goal!"

Adam Meagher

James on target

"The penalty brace from Lloyd James against Swindon in February is what stands out from the 2013/14 season. It fills me with dread. Since then Orient haven’t been awarded a single penalty. Not from lack of trying though (I’m looking at you David Mooney).

"Play-offs are sometimes decided by penalty shoot-outs. I can’t name an Orient fan who could name the team’s current penalty taker, let alone five of them. Matty Lockwood, he will always be first choice. Any player in a Lockwood mask would be an acceptable compromise for me.

"Ask again in the beginning of June for my season stand outs and I’ll deliver. Tales of Moses and Cox. Being a practising Lisbian. For now, I’m having nightmares imagining the referee pointing to the penalty spot at Wembley. Five minutes to go. The game is tied. Robbie Simpson picks up the ball and I wake up screaming!"

Robert de Mander. Read Robert’s blog View From Downstream

Heads up, Kev!

"The standout football moment for me was Super Kev's flying header against Gillingham. It confirmed that he was back on top form and to me it summed up all the hopes and dreams of the club in one moment."

Lin Wells

The return of Bosnia’s number one

"It has to be the first game back in Eldin's second era, against Preston. A very defining moment of our season having him back - he only let in a handful of goals (most of which he had a hand to anyway) in his time. After the Jalal hiccup against Bristol City, felt great to have him back. Loved by all and gutted for him not to be in the Bosnia World Cup squad."

Ellen Kaye

Away day magic

"My favourite two games of the season have got to have been Brentford and Peterborough away. Brentford was a really good atmosphere on the terrace and we maintained our 100 per cent start. Didn't expect to beat Brentford especially being on Sky and previous times we have been there and been disappointed! Peterborough away for me was definitely the away performance of the season - hope we can repeat it Saturday. Mooney was excellent, but I think as a team at Peterborough we showed why we were up there. We looked solid and so good going forward!"

Hannah Smeeton

Nathan's tackle 

"In a season like no other in terms of quality and quantity of goals, I'm going to be contrary and pick a non-goal, in fact one of the most memorable preventions of a goal I can recall - Nathan Clarke's tackle on Clayton Donaldson just before half-time against Brentford. Our first seven straight wins of the season were mostly pretty emphatic - the thumping statement our win at Carlisle sent out, or the elegant slicing apart of Notts County. 

"But Brentford away, game number eight, was the toughest on the lot, and boy did it feel like it in that first half when the Bees really came at us. It looked like our resistance was going to break in the 43rd minute when the ever-tricky Clayton Donaldson barged his way through our defence and deep into the penalty area with only the keeper to beat. From nowhere Clarke zoomed across and whipped the ball from the striker's feet without coming close to fouling - from a player not always known as the most graceful, the timing and guts was astonishing. The game turned our way after that."

Tom Davies 

And finally...

"My favourite moment of the season is yet to come I believe..."

James Masters