Leyton Orient 0 Crawley Town 1, 23/2/13

A game in which... Orient had the chance to put Wednesday's heartbreak behind them and come out all guns blazing. Instead they meekly took to the pitch waving white flags. Or maybe they were bedsheets, for this was a performance so soporific it could have been bottled up and sold as a miracle cure for insomnia.

Given that in the 13 remaining games the team will probably amass the four or five points that'll keep them in the division (best not bet your mortgage on it though) our season is effectively over in February. On the one hand it makes a refreshing change not to be fighting relegation. On the other, expect the next two months to feel like watching an ageing runner with a torn hamstring slowly and tortuously complete the last three miles of the London Marathon in just under seven hours.

Moment of magic... Moment of magic? Tricky one that. Imagine Paul Daniels turning up to a show without his wand, playing cards, white dove or Debbie McGee. Yes, Orient's performance was far from spellbinding, although Leon McSweeney did hoof one from 40 yards or so that only missed the goal by a few metres.

Moment of madness... Russell Slade's decision to bench Moses Odubajo, presumably for disobeying instructions on Wednesday by trying to dribble round people and create chances. Sure, the youngster's probably a bit knackered, but so is Kevin Dearden after walking from the dressing room to the dug out and you don't see him sitting on the bench all game. Oh, hang on...

Mathieu Baudry

Knight in shining armour... Yet again Mathieu Baudry put in a performance with all the class of a French aristocrat gliding majestically through an ambassador's ball as the wives of foreign dignitaries swoon at his feet. But let's instead hail the return of Leon McSweeney BA (Hons), whose earthier Irish qualities and lively running gave us a bit of impetus down the left today. The emphasis being on "a bit". 

Pantomime horse... A while ago I hailed the qualities of Lloyd James. Yeah, sorry about that. For though he is a tidy and sometimes effective player (and is tasked with a relatively unglamorous role), today he put in a shift that even Paul Terry might have been embarrassed about. Time for a spell on the bench? 

In the dug out... To be fair to our management team, there was a flurry of activity in the dug out during the match. Kevin Nugent was scribbling furiously on his notepad trying to work out if it would be cheaper for him, Russell and Kevin Dearden to share a villa in Marbella or an apartment in Corfu for their summer holiday. Slade was questioning physio Nick Dawes on the most reliable brand of diarrhoea tablets to take with them, while Dearden was mentally calculating how much it is physically possible to eat per day on an all-inclusive deal. 

View from the opposition... "Deserved victory," says Crawley fan Warren Lucy. "Always nerve-wracking when it's only 1-0 though. Should have killed Leyton Orient off. Poor atmosphere at Brisbane Road."

Meanwhile on Twitter... Tweet of the week has to go to Val Jacobs for summing up the plight of Os fans thus: "Supporting Orient is a long line of little disappointments with the odd massive disappointment here and there." Meanwhile, exciting news as Orient's number one celebrity fan and all round top fella Julian Lloyd Webber joins Twitter, tweeting football and cello-related banter from @JLloydWebber.  

Statto corner... Today David Mooney broke the Orient record for being caught offside, clocking up an impressive 427 offences. The previous record was held by Steve Watts in a 2001 game against Chesterfield, albeit due to the mitigating circumstances that he spent 38 minutes in the opposition penalty area trying to figure out how to re-tie his shoelaces. 

Hartlepool United 2 Leyton Orient 1, 28/4/12

A game which… ended with Orient celebrating like an unattractive beauty queen who's won a pageant by virtue of the fact that all her fellow contestants had the previous night contracted a flesh-eating virus. Yes, sometimes losers do win, and while Orient’s performance was another familiarly flaccid string of defensive errors and limited attacking prowess, the fact that Wycombe, Chesterfield and Exeter all lost means that the Os will be playing League One football again next season.

Moment of magic… Notts County’s winning goal against Wycombe, consigning the Sofa-heads or whatever they're called to relegation and ensuring that even when Orient lose to Rochdale next week, they’ll still be safe. Forgive me if I’m being churlish, but aside from the 1-0 victory at Oldham back in March, Orient’s own battle against relegation was about as spirited as an after-party at a teetotallers’ convention.

Moment of madness… Ben Chorley’s reaction to Hartlepool’s second goal when, true to form, he started wildly berating everyone around him… until he realised there was actually no one around him and the goal was entirely his own fault. This was preceded by giving an earful to Leon McSweeney after the first goal, probably upset that the Irishman hadn’t offered him a custard cream on the coach or something.

Knight in shining armour… Jamal Campbell-Ryce, whose lively display and superb goal was really the only ray of hope in the shroud of darkness that’s enveloped the Orient team. His performances may suggest to Russell Slade that having a flair player in the team other than Dean Cox can actually be quite handy.

Pantomime horse… Probably Chorley again, though to be fair the whole defence looked as shaky as a trifle in a wind tunnel.

In the dug out… So, Russell Slade has had one wonderful season and one dreadful one. Since we stayed up, the former excuses the latter, but the gaffer is more likely to get an offer from B&Q than he is Barnsley this summer, so hopefully he can focus on rebuilding the Orient squad.

Meanwhile on Twitter… “Best of luck to Notts County, Hudders and Yeovil” tweeted Leon McSweeney before the match, a stirring call to arms for an Orient victory reminiscent of Iain Duncan Smith at his very finest. George Porter, meanwhile, showed how focused and up for the game he was with this: “A jelous woman does more work than the F.B.I.” It was actually left to former O and current star of Bambi On Ice, Loick “Robert” Pires to give some proper advice: “DO NOT RELY OR DEPEND ON OTHERS.”

Lesson for the day… DO RELY AND DEPEND ON OTHERS.

Leyton Orient 2 Yeovil Town 2, 21/4/12

A game in which... Orient did the footballing equivalent of spending 84 minutes tentatively and inexpertly building a makeshift sandcastle, only to see it kicked down by two mild-mannered eight-year-old girls. Or, to dispense with the metaphors and give a more technical appraisal of the game: Orient are shit.

For while, relatively speaking, the home side put in a reasonable performance in the first 45 minutes, one of Russell Slade's now legendary half-time team talks sent the Os back out on the pitch with all the fire in their bellies of someone who's just eaten a bowl of tofu-flavoured blancmange. Even then, Orient were just eight minutes from virtual League One safety, but given the confidence with which they're playing at the moment, the capitulation was all too predictable.

Moment of magic... Jamie Jones's athletic first-half save, pushing a rifling shot from Andy Williams against the bar. We can only dream what may have been had the Scouser been between the sticks all season. We might have only lost 4-0 to Brentford, for example.

Moment of madness... Yeovil's 92nd-minute equaliser, in which yet again Orient failed to defend a relatively innocuous set piece. I'm not saying the current team are bottlers, but there are 11 vacancies at the local Coca-Cola factory which they'd be well-qualified for.

Knight in shining armour... It says a lot about our season that one of our most valuable players has been a striker who's only scored 12 goals, but God knows we'd be down and out without Kevin Lisbie. Today the former Charlton man put in another battling, classy performance - and linked up well with Jamal Campbell-Ryce - but nonetheless he must feel at times like a lead singer who takes to the stage only to find his band has forgotten how to play all the songs. (Or never knew them in the first place.)

Pantomime horse... He's been out for six weeks and has actually been one of the better performers this season, but Leon McSweeney had a shocker - especially in the first half. Particularly bizarre was his decision to compensate for his woeful passing by electing to repeatedly shoot from 45 yards.

In the dug out... There's been much post-match talk about the wisdom of Russell substituting (injured) Adam Reed and Jamal Campbell-Ryce for Jimmy Smith and Calvin Andrew in the 90th minute, though to be honest wasting a bit of time to bring on an experienced midfielder and someone whose height might help in defending corners wasn't the most insane decision the manager's ever made. That was signing Andrew in the first place. More of an issue was the ongoing spectacle of just how negatively Slade presumably asked Orient to play in the second half.

A word on the opposition... Credit to the Yeovil fans for keeping up their bizarre pagan cowbell chant throughout the entirety of the first half - bombed out of their minds on cider, no doubt. And while their team can't be described as the classiest to play at Brisbane Road this season, they certainly aren't the worst. That honour goes to Orient.

Meanwhile on Twitter... An extraordinary spat between Dean Cox and ex-O Gabriel Zakuani, who tweeted "If Orient went down it would probably hurt me more than any player that's currently there." "No it wouldn't," Tiny fired back. "Disrespectful saying that... your spose to be an experienced pro, you should know better. You have been and gone your a Peterborough player concentrate on that." Go Coxy! If only we could translate all the energy the players put into tweeting how up for it they are into actual performances we might just scrape out of this mess.

Lesson for the day... Which this week comes from Russell Slade himself, who said post-match: "We're in a better position than what we were before today's game." Which is an interesting way of interpreting the fact that Chesterfield and Exeter both gained two points on us. Essentially, we're in deep trouble. Where the hell is Accrington Stanley anyway?

Leyton Orient 0 Sheffield Wednesday 1, 24/3/12

A game in which... Orient put in an effort but - like a knight who can't really be bothered to climb a tower to rescue a damsel in distress but does at least have the decency to call the fire brigade - it was hardly a valiant one. Essentially, Sheffield Wednesday are a much, much better team than us and, despite the 1-0 scoreline, didn't really have to break a sweat to take the three points.

Moment of class... Leon McSweeney's perfectly executed penalty area tackle in the second half that surely prevented a goal. Mind you, though the Irishman has a degree from Loughborough University surely even he couldn't figure out why Slade asked he and Terrell Forbes to swap right and left back positions today.

Moment of madness... Slade's second-half decision to take off Adam Reed rather than Dean Leacock to make way for George Porter. A small section of the crowd (i.e. the Orient fans) let the manager know exactly what they thought of that, and Reed himself wasn't exactly shy in letting his feelings show. I'm not saying Slade has totally lost the plot, but he's certainly misplaced it somewhere around the stadium and is going to have trouble finding it again before Tuesday.

Knight in shining armour... Chorley had a reasonable game but once again Scott Cuthbert was the only player to really shine in an Os' shirt. God only knows we might have even keep a clean sheet once in a while had we occasionally fielded a recognised right and/or left back alongside our centre backs.

Pantomime horse... Fair play to Slade, he's finally realised Terrell Forbes isn't a right back. Bizarrely the manager elected to give former Yeovil man a run out at left back today instead, the footballing equivalent of figuring that someone who's just failed their First Aid Certificate might fare better if they were allowed to perform brain surgery.

In the dug out... "The important thing was to stay in it," said Slade after the game, telling you all you need to know about his ambitions for a home game in which three points were crucial. Enough said.

A word on the opposition... Sheffield Wednesday were well-organised, battling and have a fair bit of pace and flair. I would suggest they didn't need to get out of second gear to take the three points, but in truth they didn't even need bother starting the engine.

Meanwhile on Twitter... This week Orient's philosopher-in-residence Jimmy Smith has been trying to tackle the big existential questions of life, via the medium of Only Fools And Horses. He tweeted: "Trigger- iv had the same broom for 10 years, its had 17 new heads an 10 new handles. HaHaHaHa (How the F**K is it the same broom thn LOL)" Clearly this metaphysical conundrum was a bit much for Jimmy and shortly after the midfielder posted the rules you see pictured here, which should help him get through the week without overtaxing his brain.

Lesson for the day... The only time we look even vaguely like scoring was when George Porter came on. Many managers may interpret this as an indication that George Porter should perhaps be allowed more time on the pitch. Russell??

Leyton Orient 2 Preston North End 1, 1/10/11

A game in which... you'd probably have got better odds on Amy Childs winning the Nobel Prize for Literature than the eventual result. But, yes, ladies and gentlemen, Leyton Orient have finally won a game of football. And fully deserved it too, for while at times they rode their luck like a rodeo champion on a fairground bucking bronco, over the 90 minutes the Os were the better team.

Admittedly the last 15 minutes were as nerve-wracking as the words "Today's flight is under the command of captain Stevie Wonder", but never in the history of modern culture have 4000 people actually been pleased to hear the soft-rocking jangle of Status Quo's Rockin' All Over The World.

Moment of magic... Lee Butcher, remember, has failed to save any of his last 14 penalties. Preston's Graham Alexander is one of the most reliable spot kickers in the whole of football. So when the two stared each other down from 12 yards at the start of the second half, it was like watching Mad Frankie Fraser square up to Brian Dowling. Incredibly, though, Butcher defied the odds, pulled off a remarkable save and gave Orient the confidence that things just might go their way.

Moment of madness... Preston's first goal, in which a hole opened up in Orient's defence so big that even Simon Cowell's ego couldn't have plugged it up. At that point it looked like it was game over, but massive credit to the players for pulling themselves out of the mire.

Knight in shining armour... Coxy got the goals, but it was Stephen Dawson that drove Orient to victory, with a performance so gritty it could have melted snow-covered roads across the whole of Essex. If the team are going to avoid relegation we're going to need our captain to put in plenty more shifts like this.

Pantomime horse... Yes, Leon McSweeney was playing out of position, but surely that doesn't excuse a repeated inability to control or pass the ball? In one particularly bizarre moment the former Hartlepool man elected to prevent a ball going out for a throw-on 40 yards up the pitch by booting it out for a corner.

In the dug out... Today Russ was more fired up than he's been all season and was twice seen passionately issuing complex instructions - "Watch the ball!" "Try not to let any goals in!" - from the touchline. But you have to hand it to him for his bold tactical genius in lulling Preston into a false sense of security by failing to win the previous 10 games then hitting them with a sucker punch.

A word on the opposition... After the first 30 minutes, in which they waltzed around Orient as if they were auditioning for the new series of Strictly Come Dancing, Preston suddenly seemed to suffer collective sunstroke - possibly under the glare of Phil Brown's tan. A classy side no doubt - the young Jamie Proctor looked impressive - but today wasn't their day.

Meanwhile on Twitter... While the followers of Jimmy Smith were no doubt on tenterhooks awaiting his comments on the recent hot weather - "Lovely HOT day, time 4 Trim + Food + watch TV" he eventually tweeted, much to everyone's relief - the young George Porter was less impressed with the temperature. "If I see 1 more girl in leggings I'm gunna start kicking off ! Look at the weather females," he wrote, while presumably cruising the streets of Essex in his Ford Focus.

Lesson for the day... If all else fails lob the ball up into the six-yard box for your 4ft 9in midfielder to head in. If improbable goals are the way forward, then, next week Orient should try lining up Charlie Daniels to shoot with his right foot - that or bring back Loick Pires.

Leyton Orient 1 Bournemouth 3, 13/9/11

A game which... was something akin to watching a boxing match between Vladimir Klitschko and Justin Bieber, in which Bieber is forced to fight with one arm tied behind his back. Yep, Orient hardly need handicaps at the moment and given that we can't win with 11 players, we're not going to get three points with just 10. The focus of some of the post-match attention will be on the dubious penalty and sending off, but let's first at least credit the Orient players with a bit of spirit for vaguely attempting a fight back, while acknowledging that even with 11 on the pitch they mostly looked as threatening as a feather duster-wielding toddler.

Moment of class... Just the one really, Orient's goal, which was both initiated and finished by Dean Cox. The pocket-sized winger is still the Nicole Scherzinger in a team of underperforming Pussycat Dolls, but it would help if his colleagues occasionally backed him up with a bit of harmony.

Moment of madness... Russell Slade's rather defeatist decision to take off a striker when Orient went down to ten men with the score at 1-1. He might as well have thrown in a towel than send on Elliot Omozusi - probably about as effective.

Knight in shining armour... George Porter looks to have a bit of spark - start him next game, he can't exactly do any worse - but expecting him alone to get Orient out of trouble is a bit like asking a Boy Scout to single-handedly eradicate Third World debt simply because he'd once raised £150 on a sponsored walk.

Pantomime horse... David Mooney is just one letter of the alphabet away from being a Rooney, although on the evidence of tonight's totally ineffective performance he has more in common with Coleen than Wayne.

In the dug out... No call for Slade's head from the stands just yet, but the manager cut a disconsolate figure in the technical area and it can't be long (a loss to Oldham on Saturday?) before Hearn's seen enough.

A word on the opponents... Although in a similarly low league position, Bournemouth showed Orient that it is actually possible to move the ball around the pitch with some sort of purpose. Marc Pugh and Wesley Thomas were a particular handful, but the whole team showed commitment - particularly when racing up to surround the referee after Scott Cuthbert's late but not red card-worthy challenge.

Meanwhile, on Twitter... If you follow Jimmy Smith on Twitter you'll know that the midfielder's days generally consist of nothing more than "Training - bath - bedtime". Today, however, Jimmy showed that sometimes he mixes things up a bit with "Training - take photo of Coxy having haircut - bath - bedtime." Tiny's standing up in that picture, by the way.

Lesson for the day... We've tried to win with 11 players - that didn't work. We've tried to win with 10 players - that didn't work either. Next week let's try nine - either that or play both Marc Laird and Leon McSweeney in midfield, which is much the same thing.

And from the darker reaches of Freeview HD...

Carling Cup: Leyton Orient 3 Bristol Rovers 2, 30/8/11

A game in which... Orient would have sold their own grandmothers in exchange for a win, so don't be surprised if you see 11 elderly ladies with price tags round their necks in the window of the Leyton High Road pawn shop tomorrow morning. When Stephen Dawson scored in added time the players celebrated with such unbridled passion, excitement and relief it was almost as if they'd just been told that Jedward were emigrating to New Zealand forever. And though if you look at the fine detail of the performance you'd discover that, well, there wasn't much fine detail, the important thing is that Orient finally have a platform upon which to start building a season.

Moment of class... Jonathan Tehoue's little bit of touchline trickery - reminiscent of his sneaky shuffle past the Arsenal defence in last season's FA Cup tie - that led to the winning goal. The Beast is so adept at getting Orient out of tight spots he could easily find alternative employment as a can of WD-40.

Moment of madness... Less a moment of madness, more the entire second half. Yes, Orient seemed to be under the impression they were taking part in a Scott McGleish testimonial, such was their willingness to present Bristol Rovers with scoring opportunities.

Knight in shining armour... Stephen Dawson put in a typically energetic midfield performance and should be applauded for electing to shoot in the penalty area to score the winning goal, rather than opting for his usual ruse of poleaxing himself to the ground as if felled by an invisible lumberjack.

Pantomime horse... Leon McSweeney, whose performance in midfield showed all the composure of a teenage boy trying to negotiate the wine list at Pizza Express. The ex-Hartlepool man repeatedly gave the ball directly to the opposition before being moved to right-back, whereupon he was replaced by Elliot Omozusi - the ultimate indignity.

In the dug out... Fair play to Russ, he's trying to address the problems and started tonight's game with a new formation, the midfield diamond. Nice idea, but unfortunately Orient's version rather more resembled a midfield lump of coal.

A word on the opposition... No goal for Scott McGleish, despite Orient's best efforts to gift him one, though the veteran striker did combine well with the impressive Chris Zebroski for Bristol Rovers' first. Still, the Pirates can consider themselves unlucky to come away with nothing after a sprightly second half.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Big news on Twitter this week: Jimmy Smith threatened to leave, but pulled back from the brink and is still relaying essential information such as when he's having a bath, what time he's going to bed and the like. His continued presence will be, of course, a huge relief to Barcelona and Spain star Andres Iniesta, who has become totally reliant on Jimmy's advice such as this: "iniesta relax next time when ya 1on 1 with keeper".

Lesson for the day... At last Orient have found a way to win! Admittedly this only seems to work against League Two teams, but don't despair - at least we'll be in with a fighting chance next season.