GUEST BLOG! After the Lord Mayor’s Show: Where next for the “Group that never gives up”?

Instead of crying into his pint, Andy Brown - blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - has been looking at what happens next for the most successful Orient team in decades...

I write this on an overcast Bank Holiday Monday trying, as I suspect most Os fans are, to rationalise how we came so close to promotion again in a play-off final and yet fell short, for the third time in a row, to northern opponents.

Was it the West End of Wembley, the fact that the fourth team always seems to win play-offs or the fact that Slade didn’t bring on Robbie Simpson to score a 40-yard screamer in extra time?

This time we had real hope, unlike the dismal performance in 1999 or the team that fell short in 2001. Orient went into half-time with a 2-0 lead after a shaky start, but a combination of bad refereeing, Rotherham persistence and a wonder goal from ex-Orient striker Revell pegged the Os back.

Despite being the better team in extra-time, tiredness and a lack of cutting edge saw the game go to penalties, where Baudry and Dagnall missed to give promotion to Rotherham and leave us heartbroken.

Football is cruel, but in truth this game reflected our season; out ahead, only to be pegged back, then out ahead on penalties, only to be pegged back and miss out. It goes without saying that what Orient have achieved this season is phenomenal.

Joint LMA manager of the year Russell Slade has established a solid base of talented footballers that play good, passing football. With the vastly superior budgets of Wolves (and Brentford), it was always going to be hard to sustain an automatic push over 46 gruelling games, but third place was a massive achievement.

Nevertheless, the reality is we’ll be playing in League One again next season, travelling to Crewe and Scunthorpe rather than Leeds, Fulham and Middlesbrough.

As upset as I am, I’ll still get my season ticket, as I know many other Orient fans will - irrespective of what player or management changes happen in the summer. However, the question remains, where next for these players and this management team that came so close this season and how will Barry Hearn react to yesterday’s events?

Glass half-full scenario

Barry Hearn sees enough potential in Russell Slade and the key players to increase investment in the management team and playing squad to prevent fragmentation, very much as Brentford pushed on after falling short last season.

Key players Moses Odubajo and Dean Cox – even though they are under contract – stay rather than leaving for fees. Out of contract players Lloyd James and Elliot Omozusi decide to stay at the club. Hearn persuades Russell Slade to stay longer term and allows him to add to the squad in several key positions, setting Orient up well for a push on promotion again in the 2014/15 season.

Outcome: Orient finish top 6 again or pushing for automatic promotion.

Glass half-empty scenario

Russell Slade receives an offer from a Championship club and decides to leave. Offers come in for Dean Cox and Moses Odubajo and are accepted, while Elliot Omozusi and Lloyd James decide not to take up new contract offers and leave on free transfers.

A new manager needs to come in an entirely rebuild the midfield and get the new team to gel. Hearn stays true to form and invests zero in new players or improving the squad.

Outcome: Orient finish lower mid-table or fighting relegation.

Realistic scenario

Russell Slade stays. One of Cox or Odubajo leaves for good money. Orient bring in a winger to replace the departing player. James and Omozusi stay for another year. Most of this squad stays and Orient compete, once again, with a small squad.

The team doesn’t replicate this season’s success but still manages a top 10 finish. Tough decisions then need to be made in June 2015.

Outcome: Orient finish 10th

Overall it’s hard to know what to predict will happen after such an emotional day. Most of the key players are under contract, meaning that for them to leave, there will need to be good transfer fees.

But this team has been in the shop window all season, meaning a club of Orient’s size will not turn down a £1 million offer if it comes in for Moses Odubajo or a high fee for Dean Cox, both of whom are critical to this team.

Much of this also depends on Russell Slade. He was keen to talk to Barnsley when they wanted to discuss the job with him in 2011 and his stock is much higher after this season’s endeavours, which may make him hard to keep.

He may also feel he cannot go further with Orient and want a new challenge, after the disappointment of missing out in the play-offs. May and June’s movements will tell us much about the chances of this Orient team next season.

If this team stays together, there is a chance it could compete again next year. In the background, however, the Olympic Stadium and Barry Hearn’s desire to sell the club still loom large, leaving the long-term future of Orient questionable.

Orient fans are hoping the squad will stay together and grow, very much as Brentford have succeeded. But for that to happen, Hearn will need to invest even more, not just in the running of the club, but also in the playing staff, which would require a change in his philosophy or a sustainable club that succeeds on its own merits.

Either way, it has been a season to be proud of and I hope another is just around the corner. Up the Os!

Play-off final: Leyton Orient 2 Rotherham United 2, 25/5/14

And so it all came down to the last kick of a ball. A season in which Orient defied odds, broke records, exceeded expectations, battled adversity and made new friends all hinged on Chris Dagnall's final spot kick.

The lifetime Orient fan in me knew he'd miss. Typical Orient, right? Two-nil up at half-time and we fucked it up. Typical Orient.

But maybe not. There was something different about this season. I sensed it first when Kevin Lisbie scored the late, late winner against Port Vale in September to preserve the winning run at the start of the campaign. The way the players, the crowd celebrated... It mattered more than usual, somehow.

The feeling built throughout the season. Coming from behind to win impressively away at Peterborough and Swindon. Grinding out four wins in a row in a bitter January. Winning the play-off semi-final on an electric night at Brisbane Road.

We had momentum, desire, a tight unit of talented, gutsy players. So when Dagnall stepped up to take that final penalty, though the lifetime Orient fan in me knew he'd miss, the deeply proud Orient fan of this season actually thought he'd score...

Play the game, not the occasion

The day didn't start that well. They say "play the game, not the occasion" and Orient did just that. Unfortunately the game they were playing appeared to be called "Let's spoon the ball into touch".

Orient celebrate Odubajo's goal

They settled down soon enough, mind - helped by Moses Odubajo's stunning goal. The celebration that followed was a strange one, as the Os players seemed to simultaneously congratulate the winger while admonishing him for taking his shirt off, much like a reluctantly aroused mother-of-the-bride forced to watch the Chippendales at her daughter's hen party.

Dean Cox's goal meant we went into half-time 2-0 up, and while no one who's watched Orient for more than three seconds of their life thought it was game over, the evidence of this season suggested this wonderful team would be able to see out a victory.

Revelling in it

It had to be, didn't it? 

But then there was Alex Revell. It had to be. Two goals for the former Orient favourite illustrated that in Rotherham, Orient had met their match.

Because ask any Millers fan the reasons behind their team's success this season and they'll tell you about their players' never-say-die attitude, their team spirit... Sound familiar? Yes, unfortunately this group never gives up either. (Though the £30 million of investment over the last five years probably helped too. Sour grapes? Don't mind if I do...)

With the scores level it was Orient who looked like they were trying to win the game (and with our penalty record this season, they had no choice) and Rotherham who were trying not to lose.

Twelve yards of heartbreak

And so it was penalties. We're shit at penalties. Though to be fair James, Lundstrum and Clarke all dispatched theirs with confidence and class. Two of Rotherham's spot kicks were what I like to call "coward's penalties" (straight down the middle) and Jamie Jones gave us temporary hope that Orient would prevail with one stunning save.

But, of course, it was not to be. No blame can be attached to Baudry and Dagnall. We would not have even been in the play-off final were it not for those two fine players.

Not so typical

So it hurts. It hurts real bad. I do not think I will ever get over this. Ever.

But let's remember that Orient have no monopoly on footballing heartbreak. Anyone who supports a club other than the handful in the world who can afford to be repeatedly successful will tell you that.

Are Orient fans feeling any worse than Brentford fans did at the same point last year? Any worse than the Peterborough fans who saw their team get relegated last season with record points? Probably not.

The boys of 05/06

In fact, there's no such thing as "typical Orient" - not really. And what I loved about yesterday and what I love about Orient are the untypical things. John Mackie, captain of the promotion-winning side of 2005/06 (nothing "typical" about that game at Oxford), galvanising his former team mates via Twitter to come and support their 2013/14 counterparts at Wembley.

Mathieu Baudry, after missing a crucial penalty, joining fans at the pub after the game to apologise and commiserate with them.

The almost 100 per cent lack of post-match recriminations from fans on Twitter and instead a groundswell of pride, honour and love for a team - heroes to a man - that has provided us with so many moments to savour in this wonderful season.

Yeah, it's shit that we're in League One again next season. This squad might get broken up. The manager might leave. We may never got a shot at the Championship like this one again.

But, you know, I wouldn't swap one second of it. Not one second. Apart from the one where Dagnall missed I suppose...

Play-off final: The ten ways Orient can beat Rotherham

So in advance of Orient's biggest game in decades I thought I'd calm nerves by revealing 10 ways our east London heroes can win at Wembley. Worryingly I could only think of five. 

Luckily Os fan and Times journalist James Masters came up with another five, so together we present you the cold hard evidence that Orient will be in the Championship next season. Possibly. 

No need to dress up for the
Wembley cameras, Romain

1. Play the game, not the occasion
Yes it's Wembley, yes it's a big day out and yes, there will be half and half scarves, but it's important the players treat the game like any other. That means no waving to your loved ones on the way out of the tunnel, no stopping on the edge of the area to check out the big screen to see if your hair is in place and no smiling in the tunnel at your opponents. It's just another game. You're there to win - Wembley is not a place for losers.
James Masters

2. Out-sing the Millers
If you're one of the 19,000 new fans Orient seem to have acquired in the space of the week, you've got some catching up to do to learn all of our terrace chants. To be fair, that catching up will take you about seven seconds given we only have about three songs, but you'll need to sing them loudly and proudly to drown out the famously catchy Rotherham ditty "It's right grim oop north, but if thi'ivver does owt for nowt, allus do it for thissen".
Matt Simpson 

"We've got THIS much money!"

3. Don't mention the money
Steve Evans, who is rumoured to sleep in Egyptian cotton sheets, much to the dismay of the local UKIP councillors, hates nothing more than hearing how Rotherham have bought their success. The Millers have only paid for one player in their squad - one more than Orient, mind you. Forget the fact that chairman Tony Stewart has pumped in £30 million in the past five years and built a brand new stadium. Compare that to Orient who can't even get the Wi-Fi to work in the press box after running out of 10p pieces.
James Masters

4. Take out Revell 
Though there is no statistical evidence for it whatsoever, it is 100 per cent fact that all footballers score a goal whenever they play against a former club. Behold Rotherham's Alex Revell, then: he of chiselled jaw, ice-white teeth and one profitable season at Brisbane Road. The big striker has been strength training by trying to roll Steve Evans up a slight incline and will be a menace to Nathan Clarke and Mathieu Baudry throughout the final. Our defensive duo will need to be at their eye-bulging best.
Matt Simpson 

5. Don't concede early
You can't win the game in the first 10 minutes but you can certainly lose it. Don't start like Arsenal did last week at Wembley - still in the changing room with the headphones on whiling away time to what today's kids call "hip hop". Yes, Arsenal fought back but Orient probably aren't going to be able to bring Rosicky and Wilshere off the bench. Take a breath, stay calm and do what you've done all season. It's just another game.
James Masters 

Shaun Batt: unpredictable 

6. Unleash the Battman
When Russelll Slade brings Shaun Batt off the bench with 20 minutes to go - you can set your watch by it if you like - the Rotherham defence will know they're in for a rough time. The striker is delightfully unpredictable: sometimes, for example, he'll knock the ball 30 yards ahead of himself and then charge after it and sometimes he'll knock the ball 35 yards ahead of himself and charge after it. Two of Orient's three play-off semi-final goals were set up by the Battman, and he's sure to have a say in the final one way or the other.
Matt Simpson

7. Back our big man
Big games call for big game players and you won't find many men bigger than Kevin Dearden or Steve Evans. Dearden has grown into his role as a figure of fun, serenading fans with chants regarding his rather rotund waistline. Evans, whose list of misdemeanours is as long as his daily order a the local kebab shop, is far more prone to explode and lead to allegations of him pulling down his trousers. Wembley are apparently so concerned about the two men meeting that they've been given separate departure times to walk out the tunnel.
James Masters 

This guy's lined up to take a penalty for Orient

8. Do not let the game go to penalties
A word of advice: if the scores are still locked after extra-time you might as well cut your losses, leave early and beat the traffic rather than watch Orient lose a penalty shoot-out. The Os have already missed six out of 11 this season and in the vain hope of finding a reliable spot-kicker have rotated the duties between Mooney, Lisbie, Omozusi, James, Ada the groundsman and an 11-year-old boy who looked to have promise when he put one past Theo the Mascot in a sponsored shoot-out at half-time.
Matt Simpson

9. Keep it in the family
While Rotherham's "comical" duo the Chuckle Brothers might have got a giggle back in the 1990s with their famous "to me, to you" gag, Orient supporters the Lloyd-Webbers have brought the house down with their musical talent. While Julian chills out on the cello, Andrew has raked in the cash with Evita, Aspects of Love and Starlight Express - as well as Stephen Ward the musical, inspired by the Wolves and Ireland left-back. Nobody does a showstopper like Lloyd-Webber and his experience will be valuable to the Os on the biggest stage of them all - Wembley.
James Masters 

Robbie Simpson: secret weapon

10. Rely on our secret weapon
Every final needs a hero, and could it be that on Sunday that hero comes from the most unlikely place? Has Russell Slade been keeping Robbie Simpson well away from the pitch in the latter half of the season purely to preserve his strength and fitness for the ultimate play-off cameo? The answer is definitely no, but if Orient are losing with minutes to go, maybe - just maybe - the manager will throw one last roll of the dice and bring on Simpson. And then fate awaits...
Matt Simpson 

GUEST BLOG! "Orient is not just a club. It's a family"

In a tear-jerking guest blog, Orient fan and Times journalist James Masters explains why he's got "O's CD"... 

EVERY MORNING when I leave the house, I walk down the steps and slowly turn full circle while clapping a non-existent crowd.

I wave to the bushes, who in my mind represent the thousands of fans lining the stands, and then readjust my tie and walk out onto the main road as if nothing had happened.

Each and every day, I replicate that  same routine and yes, I know it's not what you would call normal, but I don't care. I do it anyway.

It is not so much a case of OCD - rather what I've termed as O'S CD.

It has been that way, more or less, since I can remember and after 30 years, it's probably never going to change.

Consumed by a unhealthy and obsessive love for Leyton Orient, I somehow believe that every little thing I do is connected to the success of the club.

In itself, that is ridiculous and yet, I cannot stop.

On Sunday, when Orient face Rotherham in the League One play-off final, I am sure that I will not be alone in performing such rituals, for only pirates could be classed as more superstitious than football fans.

The dream of a victory at Wembley is one that we've all held dear for more years than we care to remember.

Wembley 1999: Didn't quite work out

In 1999, Wembley only brought misery. We consoled ourselves with a reassuring "next time we'll do it".

Next time came around just two years later at Cardiff's Millennium Stadium and again it ended in defeat - a defeat which still rankles to this day.

"This year it will be different," is what I keep telling myself. And for once, I believe those words.

This time, older, ever slightly more mature, evidently balder and having somewhat miraculously managed to convince a lady to enter into an adult relationship with me, the realisation that it's not all about winning has finally revealed itself.

If football was all about winning then I'd probably not have plumped for Orient.

What I've come to learn is that, in all honesty, it's not even about football. It's about feeling like you belong.

It's about the four-year-old child who will arrive at Wembley and believe every week supporting Orient will be full of grandeur and glamour.

It's about the middle-aged supporter who, consumed by such bitter memories of years gone by and scarred with anguish, will drink in every last drop of the day knowing it may never come again.

It's about those who saw the East End blown to smithereens during the Blitz and sought refuge by clinging to the precarious fortunes of their local club.

It is about those who arrived as refugees from the shtetls and shtiebels of Eastern Europe and found somewhere they could call home.

It is about the keyboard warriors, the teenage tearaways, the romantics, the dreamers. It's about every single one of us.

For whichever walk of life we come from, and they are vast and plentiful, we all find ourselves searching for the same destination.

Leyton Orient is not just a football club. It is a family, a community, a place where people feel they belong. There is a togetherness, an atmosphere which is truly special, and a management which embraces those around it at every opportunity.

I've watched these players produce performances which they had no right to produce. I've witnessed displays of courage and resilience which no other Orient team has managed.

But it's not what they do on the pitch, but what they do off it, which helps the club cement itself at the epicentre of the local community.

For while the spectre of the Olympic Stadium and West Ham's impending move casts a shadow, this club strains ever sinew to reach the light and blossom in the harshest of times.

I've watched David Mooney spend hours in a care home carefully reassuring a 99-year-old fan that he will bring a trophy to show him at the end of the season.

I've seen Elliot Omozusi, a man who went to jail and did his time, emerge as a stronger person with a determination that the younger generation do not make the same mistakes as he once did.

I've heard of Russell Slade taking time out to send birthday cards to an 88-year-old supporter because he knows the importance of what 'community' means.

This is a club which has been reborn. It is a club which has had its very DNA transformed in the past year by Slade, a man who has understood what Leyton Orient is all about.

It has never been about solely winning - that much is obvious from the club's history - it is about making each and every person feel like they have a place they can call home.

It is about making each and every person, from the players to the supporters, feel that they are all in it together in a way George Osborne could only dream of.

Every single cog is as important whether that be Kevin Lisbie in attack, the famous bearded contingent who spend the entire contest stroking their fancy follicles, or the lady in the East stand who spends the entire 90 minutes reading her book.

Slade has woven together a spirit which has not been seen at Brisbane Road in many a year - and all that while opponents have waited for Orient's run to come to a shuddering halt.

That may yet come to pass at Wembley although defeat is scarcely worth contemplating.

But if the worst should happen, then ponder this.

At a time where the game's authorities consider introducing 'B' teams and a loan system which would render clubs as feeder sides and at a time where many 'smaller' clubs are struggling financially, the success of Orient is inspiring for real football fans across the country.

Not a single penny spent on players, no players in the League One Team of the Year, patronised whenever possible and consistently written off at every opportunity. But this group never gives up.

As Orient put Peterborough to the sword in the play-off semi-final, the Sky commentator coined the phrase, "The small club with a big heart."

A small club with a big heart perhaps, but don't define Orient by its size. Not any more. Define Orient by its ambitions.

Define it as the club which brings people together, which helps each and every person find their place in a jigsaw which only appears to grow with each passing day. It does not belong to you or I - it belongs to each and every one us.

And it is with that in mind that I will walk out my door on Sunday, jog down the steps, and slowly clap the non-existent crowd.

I will wave to the bushes, imagining thousands draped in red and white, chanting vociferously as I 'enter' Wembley stadium.

I'll adjust my tie, take a deep breath and then walk out onto the main road as if nothing has happened.

It may sound like madness to you, but I can't say I've ever felt like I belonged anywhere else.

Play-off semi final: Leyton Orient 2 Peterborough United 1, 13/5/14

A game in which... everything finally made sense for Orient fans: all those bitterly cold 0-0 draws with Macclesfield; those long, gruelling trips to Carlisle to watch us lose 5-0; the toothless capitulations to lower league opposition in cup competitions; and the entire reign of Paul Brush... All that was worth it for this: a night of glorious payback courtesy of our gutsy, resilient, never-say-die squad and their heroic manager.

Something is different in the east London air this season - and I don't just mean Kevin Dearden's ongoing flatulence issues. It feels like this brilliant team genuinely has the talent, momentum and belief to go all the way. Or, as Russell Slade himself put it: "We're not just going to Wembley to make up the numbers." 

Let's all pile in on Coxy 

Moment of magic... The celebration that followed Dean Cox's opening goal in which the diminutive winger was descended upon by all his team mates and half of the North Stand. It looked dangerous: like the entire sumo wrestling community of Tokyo had inexplicably decided to attack a small guinea pig. That Tiny came out alive is a miracle. 

Moment of madness... When, in the fifth minute of injury time, Chris Dagnall decided that instead of herding the ball into a corner he'd unleash a loose speculative shot at the Peterborough goal, almost as if he hadn't seen - let alone played - a single second of football in his entire life. The Scouse goal hero apparently explained his folly in his post-match interview, but all I could make out was a repetitive high-pitched screech tempered occasionally with a word I believe to be "cheese".

Top gun... All of them. Really, all of them. This was a performance of collective brilliance and commitment. Admittedly the spectre of history loomed large in the dying minutes when it almost looked like 'new Orient' were going to revert to 'typical Orient' and blow their two-goal lead with all the staggering carelessness of a Euro Millions lottery winner who accidentally leaves his ticket on the bus while on the way to collect his cash. Thankfully they held firm, and were even confident enough to let Peterborough's Craig Alcock have a free shot on goal in the last action of the game. 

In the dug out... You have to hand it to Russ: he's got a sense of humour. Why else would he have played right back Syam Ben Youssef up front in 2012 or signed Marc Laird? His pre-match interview with Sky Sports was classic Slade:

Interviewer: Have you practised penalties?

Slade: Of course.

Interviewer: Are you confident you can win if it comes to that?

Slade: Not from what I've seen.

View from the opposition... You could make a book out of a season's worth of increasingly hollow tweets from the Peterborough trolls. However, that book would be the worst book ever printed, the literary equivalent of an embarrassing uncle still desperately trying to get a laugh by placing his glasses slightly askance on his face. Still, respect to all their proper fans at Brisbane Road who kept up a relentless chant of "When the Posh go steaming in" throughout the game. Good luck "steaming in" to the likes of Fleetwood Town or Burton Albion next season, lads.

Tweet of the week... Respect to the legend that is John Mackie, who's currently in the process of trying to round up the 2005/06 promotion-winning squad via Twitter for a trip to the play-off final. John tweeted this picture of the team in Las Vegas, where they appear to have been photo-bombed by a pasty white English guy on a stag do... Oh, no, hang on, that's Joe Keith. It seems there's one member of the squad who won't be getting an invite though: Joe Dolan. "He joined the year after," clarified John, who has perhaps erased from his mind the full horror of Joe's two appearances in the 2005/06 promotion season. Awkward. 

Play-off semi-final: Peterborough United 1 Leyton Orient 1, 10/5/14

Peterborough prepare their pitch for today's game

A game in which... Peterborough did everything they could to stop Orient - ploughing their own pitch with an industrial-sized bulldozer, for example. Yes, this first leg proved exactly why the Os are in the play-offs as they took the game to the expensively-assembled home side and really should have come away with more than a draw.

The consequences of failing to win when dominant will become clear on Tuesday, but what's not in doubt is that this is a team burning with belief, desire and commitment.

Moment of magic... The moment in the second half when Mathieu Baudry, after riding a couple of tackles, began to stride majestically up the pitch like a returning French war hero leading a victory parade up the Champs-Elysees before spending the night in an expensive bordel. The move ultimately came to nothing, but it epitomised an epic performance from the central defender.

Moment of madness... The moment Kevin Lisbie - who, incidentally put in an awesome shift that belied his 56 years of age - found the ball popping up to him in front of goal in the first half. It was one of those at a height that makes a striker think "Should I volley it or head it?", although inexplicably Lis choose neither and instead opted for belly-flopping towards the ball like a fat kid trying to impress his classmates at the local swimming pool. It didn't work.

Top gun... Particularly excellent performances from Cuthbert, Baudry and (in the second half) Vincelot, but man of the match has to go to Moses Odubajo for a) a driving, penetrative 45 minutes down the right flank after half-time and b) somehow resisting the weight of Orient's entire history and not spooning his shot at an open goal over the bar.

Not quite so top gun... By his standards, John Lundstram had a disappointing game. At one point in the first half he gave away the ball four times in quick succession, the only explanation being that since he's been on loan so many times he literally forgot what team he was playing for. Either that or he was temporarily possessed by the ghost of Paul Terry.

In the dug out... You have to hand it to Russell, this season he's shown that he's not afraid to experiment when it comes to making substitutions. For example, sometimes he's brought Shaun Batt on with 20 minutes to go, and sometimes he's brought Shaun Batt on with 19 minutes to go. Today the manager went renegade, ripped up the rule book and brought Shaun Batt on with 21 minutes to go. It worked, mind, and the big striker was instrumental in Orient's equalising goal.

Orient's player budget for 2013/14

View from the opposition...  "Why does everyone think we come from money?" moaned the one-joke wind-up merchant
Secret Posh Fan, apparently without irony. "We spent just under £2 million on players this year." Yeah, we spent just under £2 on players this year, mate - and that was for a couple of packs of party poppers and a Twix to help the team celebrate securing a play-off place.

Tweet of the week... "Strange day today. No Prem games and no academy fixtures to watch," tweeted former Stoke City benchwarmer Michael Owen this morning, almost as if he had literally no idea that football existed beneath the Premier League. Next Tuesday: Michael expresses surprise when Sky Sports televises Leyton Orient v Peterborough: "Enjoying the Kabbadi from east London on TV tonight. In many ways, it seems to be a similar game to football."

Ready for the second leg? Read James Masters and me running the rule over the relative merits of Orient and Peterborough 

Play-off preview: Leyton Orient v Peterborough United head to head

Leyton Orient have the looks, Peterborough have the money. But who is better placed to advance to Wembley through the play-off semi-finals? 

I thought I'd find out by scientifically* matching up the teams' relative attributes. However, since it was only a week ago that I discovered Peterborough were actually in the same division as us – I thought they were in League Two – I know literally nothing about them. Luckily James Masters is a proper journalist for The Times and stuff, so he's written all the bits about the Posh players... 

(*unscientifically) 

The Cats

Jamie Jones versus Bobby Olejnik

Jamie Jones

Former Everton trainee Jamie Jones guards the Orient net like a Scouser fiercely protecting his six-pack of Tesco own-brand lager from fellow guests at a Toxteth house party. Take a shot at Jamie and he’ll almost certainly save it; drop a ball from a great height and he’ll almost certainly waft a punch at it like a nine-year-old girl half-heartedly trying to burst a pinata. But never mind that: Jones is Orient’s best goalkeeper in years – maybe ever – and his prowess could prove critical.   

Score: 8/10

Bobby Olejnik

Bobby – or 'B.O' as the kids in the changing rooms at school are alleged to have called him – was born in Vienna where he became a national dancing champion with his famous waltz. Little Bobby’s quick dancing feet and 'can, can' attitude has made him a favourite at Posh where he was named player of the year and celebrated by busting moves to Haydn, Mozart and Schubert.  

Score: 9/10

The Rocks

Nathan Clarke versus Jack Baldwin

Nathan Clarke

A towering physique, threatening tattoos and a look of cold, hard terror in his eyes... which makes it all the more strange that when Nathan Clarke opens his mouth he sounds like an ageing bit-part actress from Coronation Street. Luckily the only words he needs to say on the pitch are: "Shit lads we’re losing, I’m going to luzz it into the mixer so get your fookin’ nonces on it."  Not much gets past Orient’s Captain Fantastic, so the Posh will have their work cut out.

Score: 9/10

Jack Baldwin

JB is the defensive rock – the young wolf who keeps the back door slammed shut. He cost £500,000 from Hartlepool earlier this season, a figure so large nobody in Leyton has ever managed to count to it. Balders, who ironically is well endowed in the follicle department, was actually born in Redbridge but was never welcomed at Orient – a club where there’s only room for one bald winner.

Score 8/10

The Engines

Romain Vincelot versus Michael Bostwick 

Romain Vincelot

Watching Romain Vincelot go about his job you’re minded not just of a footballer, but of an over-zealous French serial killer frantically trying to cover his tracks by eradicating all the witnesses to his many crimes. Yes, the immaculately-bearded midfielder is everywhere, tearing into opponents, breaking up their play and amassing enough yellow cards to build them into a full-sized replica of the Pyramids of Giza. This guy is immense.

Score: 8/10

Michael Bostwick

Posh’s enforcer, known as 'The Boss' because of his unyielding desire for victory and not his range of Hugo Boss underwear, is well known to O’s supporters. It’s unclear whether Bostwick has taken out an injunction over what I’m about to tell you…but he used to play for Stevenage. I say play, he used to run up and down while the ball went over his head. Posh paid £800,000 for him – imagine how many Bovril lids Orient could buy with that.

Score: 8/10

The Prima Donnas

Dean Cox versus Nathaniel Mendez-Laing 

Dean Cox

Orient's diminutive winger has a special talent – and I don't just mean his ability to enter and leave buildings via the cat flap. So far this season Tiny has 15 goals and 13 assists - the most in League One - proving he's absolutely critical to the success of the Os. Recently Russell Slade has been playing Cox in a position called "just fucking run about and try to do something" rather than on the wing, but wherever he's stationed, he's sure to be a threat. 

Score: 9/10

Nathaniel Mendez-Laing

Pies, doughnuts and a lifetime supply of Ben and Jerry’s – those are just three of the guilty pleasures which may or may not have contributed to NML turning up to pre-season a bit heavier than he was supposed to. His talent has never been in doubt but neither has his ability to seek trouble – as he did in November 2012 when he was cautioned by police after a wild night out and promptly transfer-listed. It is unclear if he escaped by eating his way out of the cell.

Score: 7/10

The Marksmen

David Mooney versus Britt Assomalonga 

David Mooney

Over David Mooney's time at Orient he has metamorphosied from a slow-moving caterpillar – all criss-crossed legs and malfunctioning antennae – to a beautiful butterfly, soaring to the top of the League One scoring charts in the early part of this season. Since chipping the keeper at Swindon back in November, Moon's will now only ever attempt to score through the medium of a lob. Despite this he remains a major threat. 

Score: 8/10

Britt Assombalonga

There are not many men fortunate enough to share a name with Jewish ritual circumcision but Britt is not any ordinary man. This guy, rather aptly, has so much cutting edge that he can scythe through the spurious bullshit espoused by UKIP on a daily basis. He cost a cool £1.5 million from Watford but his 17-point scrabble surname means he’s always a favourite at the local old-aged home.

Score: 9/10

The Gaffers

Russell Slade versus Darren Ferguson 

Russell Slade 

Legend has it that Russell Slade broke into football management only after erroneously turning up at Notts County's Meadow Lane when intending to interview for an assistant head of PE position at the nearby Nottingham Girls' High School. And when I say "legend", I mean I have made this up. But a lack of playing pedigree hasn’t stopped the balding Berkshire man from crafting a team of free transfers into Championship prospects – a feat that puts him right up there with the best football managers of the moment. 

Score: 9/10

Darren Ferguson

When Darren Ferguson retires he’d like to move to Turkey and become an expert in kebabs – that’s the word on the street in Leyton. What other explanation could there be for his constant presence in local haunt, Anatolia, on Leyton High Road, which even has its own shrine to Fergie in the gents toilets with a personalised hairdryer. It has also been revealed that every time Fergie washes his hands, he looks in the mirror, waves and says, 'Halloumi'.

Score: 8/10

And the final score? 

Leyton Orient: 51/60 

Peterborough United: 49/60

And THAT'S science so you can't even argue with it. Bring on Wembley! 

Orient v Peterborough play-off preview: The view from Posh

For Orient these are the two biggest games in decades. Our opponents Peterborough, on the other hand, appear in the play-offs pretty much every other season. So how are Posh fans feeling about the prospect of taking on the mighty Os? I asked Kelly Green - from the Peterborough blog Standing On The Glebe - for her views... 

At the start of the season, would you have considered anything but automatic promotion a failure for Peterborough? 

Personally no. Of course automatic promotion would have been great but the majority of fans agreed at the start of the season that anything lower than the play-offs would be a disaster so we're still on target.

You did end up pretty far off of automatic promotion - 20 points. Why do you think that was? 

We were too inconsistent. We lost 18 games which is ridiculous for a team aiming for promotion. There was also a spell where it seemed we just forgot how to score which of course isn't going to help win games.

Would Orient have been your preferred choice as semi-final opponents rather than Rotherham or Preston?

Definitely. A: It's the easiest to get to, and who doesn't love a London away day? And B: We're very similar teams. We're the same sort of size club and we play in the same style so you would think that would make you the easiest to beat. Of course that doesn't mean we're underestimating you though.

Were the two league games between our teams the play-off semi-finals, Orient would have won on goal difference. What do Peterborough need to do differently to beat Orient this time around? 

Tighten up at the back and make the most of the counter. The game at your place was the grittiest I'd seen us play all season so we just need to replicate that over 180 minutes. Easier said than done!

Is there anything that frightens you about Orient?

We know from when you destroyed us at our place that you're dangerous going forward so obviously your strike force. The thought of Lisbie, Cox, or our old favourite Batt, racing towards our relatively inexperienced defence already brings me out in cold sweats.

And finally, how do you think each leg of the semi-final will pan out? 

In my head I have us winning at home and getting a draw at your place. Whatever happens I think there will only be one goal separating us at the end of the ties.

Follow @KeliMarie92 on Twitter and read more from Posh bloggers on the play-offs at Standing On The Glebe