FA Cup 5th round replay: Arsenal 5 Orient 0, 3/3/11

The build up

Can lightning strike twice in the same place? Well, something must explain what happened to Mick Hucknall's face. But Orient were hoping that they could repeat their miracle of a week and a half ago and pull off another result against Arsenal. For the Gunners' part, they were out to prove they were still a force to be reckoned with after a disappointing run of results. Mind you, beating a League One side at home would be about as convincing as a Tom Cruise wedding.

The first half 
Orient lined up with a patched-up midfield boasting a combined weight equivalent to about 11 bags of sugar, and the total height of a medium-sized bungalow. Nonetheless our heroes begun the game more confidently than in the home tie and set out to play neat passing football. Unfortunately for Orient, after years of embarrassing himself in front of top flight defences, Nicklas Bendtner finally found his footballing level and helped Arsenal to a 3-0 lead.

The second half
More valiance from the Os and a neat little spell of pressure in the first 10 minutes of the second half, and again towards the end. But by the time super sub Jonathan Tehoue came on Orient were 4-0 down. And although the big Frenchman regularly passes the time in between migraines and training by turning water into wine, curing lepers and parting the Red Sea, even he couldn't work a miracle of this magnitude.

Who played well?
Stephen Dawson. It's as if medical science has created a strange hybrid creature consisting of parts of Craig Easton, Adam Chambers and Sean Thornton which manages to run all round the pitch, tackle and play classy through balls despite suffering from a furious hangover and being friends with JJ Melligan. More plaudits again go to Charlie Daniels, who provided Orient with their best chances. Plus, an honorable mention for Tom Carroll, whose appearance was part of his coursework for his physical education GCSE - and he looks bang on to achieve at least a grade B.

Where do we go from here?
In fact, a 5-0 defeat is the perfect result for Orient, for these reasons. Play-offs a definite possibilty - and there's already a good portent for Saturday's game against Notts County. They've got Stuart Nelson in goal.

FA Cup: Leyton Orient 1 Arsenal 1, 20/2/11

The build-up
As befits one of the biggest games at Brisbane Road for many years, the club did everything in its power to try and hype up the atmosphere before kick off. Essentially this involved letting off about 50 balloons and getting a few girls from Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill, to stand around in their pants. But no matter - today the entertainment was going to be provided by the football. Or more likely, by Arsenal.

The first half
Orient, it has to be said, began the game as nervously as a thirtysomething buying a Justin Bieber CD. Still, you can hardly blame them for the odd misplaced pass under the circumstances. And while losing the ball to an Arsenal player is like asking Richard Madeley to keep an eye on your shopping - that is, you ain't going to see it again for a while - the defence held heroically firm. This was helped in no small part by the fact that Nicolas Bendtner has apparently been taking shooting lessons off of Adrien Patulea.

The second half
Better from the Os - they were more composed and created a number of chances, especially in a neat little spell of pressure after the Arsenal goal. The stats might say that the Gunners completed almost 4 billion passes to Orient's 17, but simply knocking a ball from player to player isn't a measure of success - otherwise Ryan Jarvis's half-time kickabouts would be the stuff of legend. Anyway, Arsenal of course had chances, but there were relatively few heart in mouth moments. Then this happened...

The moment when the roof came off
There have been some great moments at Brisbane Road over the years - I won't list them all as I don't have a spare 15 seconds - but Jonathan Tehoue's masterful late goal is one that's set to live long in the memories of Os fans. Not so much a super sub, more a highly advanced thermo-nuclear watercraft.

Who played well?
Ok, we just drew with Arsenal. Everyone in an Os shirt is a hero. Special mentions should go to Stephen Dawson, whose performance was so industrious it could have provided the power for a small village in Essex. Jamie Jones was commanding; Charlie Daniels indefatigable; Jimmy Smith energetic and Ben Chorley immense. Andrey Arshavin, meanwhile, was presumably so put off his game by the incredible likeness of Andrew Whing to Max from EastEnders that he fluffed Arsenal's big chance to go 2-0 up towards the end of the game.

Moment to savour
Dean Cox marking Nicolas Bendtner at a throw-in. Bendtner had him in his pocket. Literally.

Going to Wembley?
Of course not, but this season has been a real joy for Os fans and only a fool - Robbie Savage, for example - would bet against the team making a late bid for the play-offs. Hats off to you, fellas.

Seven things Arsenal need to watch out for against Leyton Orient

Today is likely to be the most exciting day in east London since Danny Dyer decided to move out to Essex. Yes, it's Leyton Orient v Arsenal, a repeat of the 1978 FA Cup semi-final and a chance for the Os to exact revenge on the Gunners for being much, much better than them on that fateful day and throughout their entire history.

All known logic points towards a heavy Arsenal victory, but then again all known logic also suggests that Olly Murs should not be able to eke out a living as a pop star, yet he does. In other words, you never know - and if Orient play out of their skins and Arsene Wenger decides to give valuable experience to the Arsenal under-11 side, then the Os could well keep the margin of defeat down to just four or five goals.

Here, then, are the seven things that Arsenal need to be wary of:

1. Dean Cox

Yes, the Arsenal defence might have stopped Lionel Messi scoring midweek, but it's unlikely they've had to deal with a 4ft 7in winger hiding behind a corner flag and then popping out to headbutt someone in the knee. Already this season the man they call 'Tiny' has scored seven goals and made 15 assists - and that's one more than a certain Cesc Fabregas has made over the same period.

2. The food

As anyone who's ever eaten a burger at Brisbane Road (and lived) can testify, food isn't one of Orient's strong points. Should the Arsenal team decide to indulge in any pre-match nourishment at the stadium, then it's likely that Theo Walcott won't be the only player with the driving runs.

3. Jimmy Smith

Previously a player so bland that he was once asked to endorse a new brand of mild tofu, the midfielder has recently turned himself into a formidable goal machine. If he can get his head on the end of a few crosses he may well accidentally skew one of them into the net.

4. Orient's 'two-ball' trick

Unlike at proper clubs, the Leyton Orient crowd delight in throwing one ball back on to the pitch just as play has restarted with another. And while Arsenal might be all big and clever with one ball, they're probably less used to defending against two, which could play to Orient's advantage.

5. Jamie Jones

All of Orient's goalkeepers throughout their entire history have had a pronounced weak spot. Ashley Bayes's was his inability to collect crosses; Glenn Morris's was his kicking; Stuart Nelson's was his madness; Peter Shilton's was his obesity; and Mervyn Day's was, you know, saving stuff. Not Jamie Jones, though - a hero between the sticks and a player who might just be able to prevent Arsenal scoring more than seven.

6. The manager

Arsene Wenger may be a master tactician, but could he devise a sound defensive strategy if he was forced to play Elliott Omozusi at centre-back? Probably not. Big Russell Slade, on the other hand, has tranformed Orient into a delightful, ball-playing team who've lost just once in the last 20 games and who keep defying the traditions of the club by winning games by more than a one-goal margin.

7. The celebrity fans

Arsenal may claim Prince Harry, Piers Morgan, Jay-Z and Dido as supporters, but can their team be inspired by the man who wrote the moving and historically accurate musical Joseph And The Amazing Technicolour Dreamcoat? I think not. Yes, Andrew Lloyd Webber will be cheering on the Os on Sunday and hoping, like me, that any dream will do.

"Then we all got hammered... " - Tony Grealish on Orient v Arsenal, FA Cup semi-final 1978

A few years ago I had the pleasure of speaking to Tony Grealish about his time at Orient. The London-born Irish international made 195 appearances for Orient between 1974-79 and was a vital component in the team that reached the FA Cup semi-final against Arsenal in 1978.

In advance of the forthcoming FA Cup tie against Arsenal, here's what Tony had to say about that semi-final of 33 years ago, a game Orient eventually lost 3-0, thanks to two deflected goals by Malcolm McDonald and another by Graham Rix.

　

“I remember watching the draw for the semi-finals. Bloody hell, we were the bottom of the barrel so it didn’t matter who we played. But Arsenal, that was a humdinger.

"In the week leading up to the game, I just couldn’t wait to get out there. I couldn’t sleep. Everyone wanted to take a picture of us. We’d go to training and there’d be six or seven television crews there. It was massive. Even when I went for a game of golf people would be taking photos. Good thing was you’d often get a free Indian out of it or something. Peter Kitchen, in particular, was always scrounging something out of everyone. Typical northerner.

"Unfortunately it had affected our league form. In the bread-and-butter games, the ones that put bums on seats, we weren’t performing. You’re not supposed to be distracted as a professional player, but for some reason we couldn’t reproduce the performances from the FA Cup in the league. You go from playing in front of 40,000 people to going to Rotherham or something with people eating fish and chips in your face. It’s a bit of a comedown.

"To be honest, I didn’t think we could beat Arsenal in the semi-final. We’d ridden our luck to get that far and at times you’d think, maybe we do have a chance. But then realistically you think there’s no way on God’s Earth. If you looked at the players in the Arsenal team, well, you just had to hope it wouldn’t be an embarrassment. I know this sounds terrible now, but I thought if we could get through the game, it would be a bloody miracle. But then I just thought, who gives a shit? Let’s go out and have a blast and see what happens.

"I wasn’t too nervous before the match itself. I was excited and just wanted to get out there – my adrenalin was pumping. Jimmy Bloomfield [Orient’s manager at the time] always told me to express myself. That sunk into my brain. Be confident and express yourself.

"I had to man-mark Liam Brady, who was my team mate in the Republic of Ireland side. Jimmy said to me, ‘If he goes for a shit, go with him.’ It was a simple as that. My job was to make him do nothing. To be honest I found it a bit embarrassing. I know it sounds daft, but I felt that I’d only just got to know that lads in the Irish team, and now I had to give Liam a bit of fucking grief.

"But I did my job - I got into him a bit and niggled him to slow him down. He got a bit huffy and puffy. Once they went two goals up, though, he relaxed a bit. And those two deflected goals by that bloody idiot Malcolm McDonald, well, one was going for a throw in and the other one was going for a corner. When they got the goals they played better. They had a two goal start and they started to take the piss. We needed luck on our side and we didn’t have it.

"In the dressing room afterwards, everyone was a bit sad and choked. As much as we’d lost, it was the way that we lost it. Those two horrible goals. But then Peter Angell [Orient’s coach] came in and said that we’d had a fantastic run, we’d been fantastic for the club, and not to forget who we’d played to get this far. He got a bottle of beer, opened it up and said, ‘Here’s to you lads, well done.’ It broke the ice. We were all feeling sorry for ourselves, but once a few more beers came out we realised that we’d had a good run. Then we all got fucking hammered.

"I’ll never forget the experience. For a little club in those days it was fantastic. I’ve had some good times since, but our FA Cup run of 1978 was one of my best all-time experiences.”
　
You can read the full story of Tony's time at Brisbane Road in the book Leyton Orient Greats