Leyton Orient 0 Notts County 3, 6/4/12

A game in which… Orient didn’t so much as shoot themselves in the foot, but blasted off their whole legs with a bazooka. Make no mistake, for the first 65 minutes this was a much improved performance in which the Os not only retained possession but also – unlike the games against Charlton and Huddersfield – created numerous chances. The fact that they couldn't convert any of them or avoid conceding three goals at the other end, however, means that we are utterly doomed.

Moment of magic… The sweeping counter-attack early in the second half that teed up Jimmy Smith on the edge of the area. That he put his shot wide demonstrated that there was more chance of Jonathan Tehoue ordering ‘Just the salad for me, thanks’ at the Pizza Hut all-you-can-eat buffet than Orient actually getting the ball in the back of the net.

Orient's defence

Moment of madness… That horrifying, heart-in-mouth moment when Jamie Jones collected a cross, only to collide with Terrell Forbes – presumably confused as to where he was supposed to be standing having played in 11 different positions over the last six games – and spill the ball. Don’t get me wrong, it was a joy to have Jones back – a typically athletic leap to deny Lee Hughes in the second half reminded us what a talent he is – but it’s a shame he’s playing behind a defence who are about to be served a lawsuit by the Swiss Cheese Marketing Board for blatant copyright infringement.

Knight in shining armour… Today’s man of the match was David Mooney. WARNING! WARNING! FATAL ERROR IN THE INTERNET. EVACUATE THE VICINITY IMMEDIATELY. No, seriously, the former pub team ringer, sorry, Colchester player, got involved, laid the ball off well and set up a number of chances, almost as if he was an actual footballer.

Pantomime horse… Fair play to Jimmy Smith, he never lacks in effort and actually did get himself involved a bit more than usual today. But in squandering so many gilt-edged chances, the shaven-haired lothario’s performance was the footballing equivalent of a night out at Loughton's Nubar in which numerous hot women offer him sexual favours, only to be disappointed when he accidentally throws up on each of them.

In the dug out… Today Russell reverted to the 4-4-2-ish sort of formation that worked so well last year and, were it not for the abysmal finishing, might have actually paid off. But the manager’s constant tinkering – today Dean Leacock had a crack at right back – and apparent inability to recognise what his best team is meant that once again the Os were ripped apart like a papier-mache clown thrown to the lions.

A word on the opposition… A pretty easy day out for the Notts County players. All they had to do was to sit back, watch Orient miss chance after chance and then wait until the home defence gave them the ball and said, ‘Hey, why don’t you score into this empty net?’ They’ll probably have easier victories, but only if they challenge a group of claustrophobics to a game of hide-and-seek.

Lesson for the day… If, as a fan, you want to continue to follow Orient’s push for League One survival, your money is probably better spent going to Wycombe games and heartily cheering on their opponents.

Leyton Orient 1 Huddersfield Town 3, 3/4/12

A game in which... Orient conceded three goals so soft that if you bagged them up you could flog 'em as a new brand of ultra-fluffy cotton wool. That aside, as in Saturday's game against Charlton, the Os did enjoy some spells of possession, but once again the inability to turn this into anything like a meaningful attack means that Russell Slade's side literally have no hope of winning matches at the moment. Indeed, the manager seems to be so lacking in ideas that if Lionel Messi were to turn up and offer his services, Slade would simply shrug his shoulders and mutter, 'Hey, maybe you can repaint the changing rooms?'

Moment of magic... Just the one, Matt Spring's goal. Orient have a long-standing tradition of endangering low-flying pigeons with their goal attempts from balls that break loose on the edge of the box (Andy Harris, I'm looking at you) but tonight the former Charlton man expertly brought the ball down and fired it into the net.

Paul Rachubka

Moment of madness... Pretend goalkeeper Paul Rachubka was back to his old tricks tonight, in particular for Huddersfield's second goal. Though he might have expected the professional footballers in front of him to adequately defend an innocuous throw-in, that's no excuse to let the ball squirm under him as if he was trying to use two lumps of butter to apprehend an eel.

Knight in shining armour... Ryan Dickson, whose battling display could herald an innovative new era of tactics at Brisbane Road where left-footed players play on the left-hand side of the pitch.

Pantomime horse... Not that he was particularly worse than anyone else, but the ongoing ineffectiveness of Marc Laird is symbolic of the malaise in Russell Slade's team. The manager has thrown numerous players into central midfield this season - Taiwo, Reed, Clarke, Leacock, for example - without much success and the lack of a player to get on the ball and drive forward (like, say, Stephen Dawson) is surely a big reason behind Orient's inability to create anything in the final third of the pitch this season.

In the dug out... Perhaps the most telling point of the evening was a full two minutes after Kevin Lisbie had come on for Marc Laird, when Matt Spring and Jimmy Smith were still asking Russell Slade what revised formation they were supposed be playing. The answer, of course, was the classic '4-no-width-Coxy-runs-anywhere-but-lump-it-to-Moons-and-hope-for-the-best' formation that's served the Os so well this season.

Huddersfield's team spirit

A word on the opposition... Huddersfield spent much of the match bickering between themselves like a bunch of teenage girls who'd all accidentally turned up to the school disco wearing the same Top Shop dress. Not that this stopped them easing to victory over Orient - as they did last season - with the help of prize weapon Jordan Rhodes.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Orient's resident women's rights campaigner and ardent feminist George Porter was up to his old tricks this week, tweeting: 'The awkward moment when a girl dosent pick the iron in monopoly! ha' to his followers. Next week: George shows his support for animal welfare by decapitating his cat.

Lesson for the day... THERE ARE NO MORE LESSONS! Really, with the squad we've now got at our disposal our options to change anything are gone it's hard to see where the next point is going to come from. It almost makes you wish Jonathan Tehoue could come back. Almost.

Charlton Athletic 2 Leyton Orient 0, 31/3/12

A game in which... the Orient team had presumably forgotten to put their clocks forward the weekend before, since when Charlton kicked the game off at 3pm, the Os were still ambling round the pitch in a gentle warm-up. Russell Slade's team did finally wake up 15 minutes in and had a few sporadic spells of possession throughout the game, but possession doesn't win football matches, otherwise Barcelona would be the best team in the world. Oh, hang on...

Moment of magic... He leapt like a salmon, he was fearless in the face of danger... No, not a new comic book superhero who tries to save the world by fumbling round objects and tripping over his shoelaces, but loanee goalkeeper non-extraordinaire Paul Rachubka. The former Man Utd man (yes, you did read that correctly) pulled off a remarkable double save in the second half to keep the score at 1-0, before ruining all his good work by failing to come out to meet the cross that led to Charlton's winner.

Moment of madness... The moment when George Porter was caught napping as Charlton took the quick free kick that led to their first goal. No doubt it's tiring work driving round Essex wolf-whistling at girls all day, but the young winger really needs to pay more attention during matches.

Knight in shining armour... It was an afternoon of performances as flaccid as a Brisbane Road burger (where the imminent danger of gastroenteritis is much more threatening than the Os' attacks.) I suppose Matt Spring played ok though.

Pantomime horse... Ok, so Terrell Forbes isn't a natural left back, but that shouldn't really excuse another performance that wasn't so much a car crash, more a motorway pile-up.

In the dug out... Russell Slade's decision to go into the game with Terrell Forbes and David Mooney lined up on the left was like a gladiator going in to battle with one arm tied behind his back and a massive fluorescent arrow painted down one side of his body with the words 'STAB ME HERE' emblazoned on it. Worse still, once Syam Ben Youssef came on in place of the injured Scott Cuthbert, it turned out he was a perfectly adequate full back, begging the question as to why, in an injury crisis, he hadn't actually been on the pitch before.

A word on the opposition... Let's not forget Charlton are top of the league and, as opposed to our last meeting with them, actually had 11 players on the pitch for the majority of the game. That is, we were hardly going to win anyway. What is worrying is Orient's consistent inability to turn possession into any meaningful attacks.

Meanwhile on Twitter... This week key members of Orient's glorious promotion squad of 2005/06 such as, erm, Derek Duncan and Aiden Palmer have been talking up a John Mackie-organised reunion on 12 May. "John Mackie #ledge apart from that time he tried to fight efe! Lmao" tweeted Duncan. "hahah Mackie hated Efe with a passion!" replied Palmer. And while the thought of the uncompromising Mackie squaring up to Echanomi conjures up an image of an ageing hippopotamus trying to attack a whippet, I wish them all the best on their night out...

Lesson for the day... Despite the impressive win against Oldham, we're not out of the relegation mire just yet. And with Jordan Rhodes versus Paul Rachubka on Tuesday night - which may resemble using an anti-aircraft missile to wipe out a small, frightened gerbil - there's more trouble ahead...

Leyton Orient 0 Sheffield Wednesday 1, 24/3/12

A game in which... Orient put in an effort but - like a knight who can't really be bothered to climb a tower to rescue a damsel in distress but does at least have the decency to call the fire brigade - it was hardly a valiant one. Essentially, Sheffield Wednesday are a much, much better team than us and, despite the 1-0 scoreline, didn't really have to break a sweat to take the three points.

Moment of class... Leon McSweeney's perfectly executed penalty area tackle in the second half that surely prevented a goal. Mind you, though the Irishman has a degree from Loughborough University surely even he couldn't figure out why Slade asked he and Terrell Forbes to swap right and left back positions today.

Moment of madness... Slade's second-half decision to take off Adam Reed rather than Dean Leacock to make way for George Porter. A small section of the crowd (i.e. the Orient fans) let the manager know exactly what they thought of that, and Reed himself wasn't exactly shy in letting his feelings show. I'm not saying Slade has totally lost the plot, but he's certainly misplaced it somewhere around the stadium and is going to have trouble finding it again before Tuesday.

Knight in shining armour... Chorley had a reasonable game but once again Scott Cuthbert was the only player to really shine in an Os' shirt. God only knows we might have even keep a clean sheet once in a while had we occasionally fielded a recognised right and/or left back alongside our centre backs.

Pantomime horse... Fair play to Slade, he's finally realised Terrell Forbes isn't a right back. Bizarrely the manager elected to give former Yeovil man a run out at left back today instead, the footballing equivalent of figuring that someone who's just failed their First Aid Certificate might fare better if they were allowed to perform brain surgery.

In the dug out... "The important thing was to stay in it," said Slade after the game, telling you all you need to know about his ambitions for a home game in which three points were crucial. Enough said.

A word on the opposition... Sheffield Wednesday were well-organised, battling and have a fair bit of pace and flair. I would suggest they didn't need to get out of second gear to take the three points, but in truth they didn't even need bother starting the engine.

Meanwhile on Twitter... This week Orient's philosopher-in-residence Jimmy Smith has been trying to tackle the big existential questions of life, via the medium of Only Fools And Horses. He tweeted: "Trigger- iv had the same broom for 10 years, its had 17 new heads an 10 new handles. HaHaHaHa (How the F**K is it the same broom thn LOL)" Clearly this metaphysical conundrum was a bit much for Jimmy and shortly after the midfielder posted the rules you see pictured here, which should help him get through the week without overtaxing his brain.

Lesson for the day... The only time we look even vaguely like scoring was when George Porter came on. Many managers may interpret this as an indication that George Porter should perhaps be allowed more time on the pitch. Russell??

Leyton Orient 2 Brentford 0, 17/3/12

A game in which... Orient didn't so much as throw the monkey off their back, but flung it into a corner and beat the living daylights out of it. Yes, a home win - the first since New Year's Eve - and a victory by two clear goals, which according to the record books hasn't happened at Brisbane Road since nippy inside forward Frankie 'Sailor Boy' Oliver's goal sealed a victory over Glossop North End back in September 1907*.

Granted it wasn't the most fluid performance - and Brentford blew three big chances to score in the first half - but it was committed and effective and by the second half the victory was a relatively comfortable one. Rejoice!

Moment of magic... The first-half moment when Paul Rachubka confirmed that he wasn't taking part in a Channel 4 Faking It documentary by saving brilliantly from Leon Legge's point blank header and proving he was an actual goalkeeper. Admittedly the perennial loanee's first action of the game had been to let an innocuous ball spoon off his chest and into the path of Brentford's Saido Berehino, but after that he was flawless. As an added bonus, unlike the 78 keepers who've previously turned out for Orient this season, he managed to avoid getting crocked. (So expect him to suffer a bizarre finger injury later tonight while setting the dishwasher.)

Moment of madness... When Russell Slade made his usual 80th-minute substitution and brought on Jonathan Tehoue... only to remember he'd let the Frenchman go two weeks ago and had inadvertently allowed defender Syam Ben Youssef onto the pitch to lead the attack. Full credit to the Tunisian though - he looked more at home up there than David Mooney.

Knight in shining armour... It was a committed team performance today, though Ben Chorley, Adam Reed and Jamal Campbell-Ryce all had particularly good games. Man of the match, however, should go to Kevin Lisbie for a much-improved performance and the fact that - in a break from the time-honoured tradition of Orient strikers - he actually scored. More of that please.

Pantomime horse... No bad performances from any Orient players, so instead let's focus on officiously self-important referee Paul Tierney for trying to book Dean Cox for a wild tackle actually committed by Adam Reed. After Tiny had protested his innocence Tierney pointed the finger of accusation at various other Orient players while Reed skulked self-consciously into the background like a naughty schoolboy about to be disciplined for giving the French exchange kid a wedgie. Ultimately the referee simply gave up and waved play on. Where's David Elleray when you need him?

In the dug out... Today Russell Slade threw caution to the wind and played both Dean Cox and Jamal Campbell-Ryce, the first time he's trusted in that much flair since buying a pair of bell-bottomed jeans in 1972 after a Jefferson Airplane gig.

A word on the opposition... After the 5-0 drubbing Brentford dealt to Orient earlier in the season Bees fans must have come to Brisbane Road licking their lips with all the relish of Jermain Defoe at an X Factor past-winners party. Unfortunately for them their team have been about as bad on the road as Orient have at home so something had to give. Three big chances in the first half went begging and from there the home team were in control.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Jamie "Orient goalkeeper... for now" Jones showed his ongoing dedication to the team week this week when his partner posted a picture of their young son wearing a Spurs shirt. "No chance" the injured Scouser tweeted back before presumably swapping it for an Everton one.

Lesson for the day... It is not, after all, scientifically impossible for Orient to win at Brisbane Road. And if we can defy the laws of physics like this today, who knows what might happen on Tuesday. Calvin Andrew to score?

* Actual fact

Leyton Orient 1 Scunthorpe United 3, 18/2/12

Jon Parkin

A game in which... Scunthorpe started with one simple tactic: wrestling Orient players to the ground at every available opportunity. (And had even taken the bold step of employing Giant Haystacks as a lone striker to help them do so.) The Os dealt with this fairly effectively in the first half, such that in the second the Iron had to resort to playing actual football, something that Orient are clearly unable to cope with at Brisbane Road. So, yet again, an impressive away victory has been followed up by a woeful performance at home. Sigh.

Moment of magic... Scott Cuthbert's fingertip save in the final minutes after he'd taken the gloves in place of the injured Lee Butcher, instantly elevating him above Stuart Nelson, Glenn Morris, Ashley Bayes and Lee Harrison in the list of Orient's best goalkeepers of this century. 

Moment of madness... Jon Parkin's ludicrous decision to shoot from near on 40 yards in the second half. His effort - which looped apologetically towards the corner flag - bore all the finesse of a rhinoceros trying to perform Swan Lake. 

Knight in shining armour... Once again selecting an Orient man of the match is like trying to figure out which is the best episode of Piers Morgan's Life Stories. The answer, of course, is none of them. Lisbie worked hard, Ryan Dickson seemed solid and debutant Soloman Taiwo looked vaguely promising - like an incomplete version of Stephen Dawson with less inclination to mouth off to opposing players and the referee. 

Dean Leacock

Pantomime horse... Russell Slade described Dean Leacock as his 'Rolls Royce', though unfortunately on this underwhelming performance the defender was more reminiscent of a malfunctioning Kia Picanto. 

In the dug out... Russell Slade made a real slip-up today - and I don't just mean his decision to bring on David Mooney. The manager actually slipped over in the rain, which would have been funny save for the fact that Jonathan Tehoue clearly interpreted the gesture as his instructions for the game and proceeded to follow suit for 90 minutes. 

Andy Barcham

A word on the opposition... No surprise to see former O and part-time Shrek impersonator Andy Barcham get on the scoresheet, and to be fair to Scunthorpe they took the game to the hosts in the second half and didn't look like a team that are sitting in the bottom four. Orient took that honour on their behalf.

Meanwhile on Twitter... George Porter is Orient's ladies' man-in-residence on Twitter and frequently regales the opposite sex with tweety charmers that go along the lines of "Hey fit birds why don't U ware tighter clothes?" Valentine's Day, then, gave him a perfect opportunity to share the love. Instead, however, he tweeted this: "I bet that at least 75% per cent of people in a relationship have cheated on there partner.... happy valentines day you dreamers!! X" Charming. Still, Georgie's a little misunderstood, as he himself later explained: "I wish people would see me for who I am not my massive 6 pack haa."

Lesson for the day... Given that the main positive of the day was Scott Cuthbert's performance in goal, perhaps playing people out of their natural position is the way forward? Lee Butcher in midfield? Kevin Lisbie at left back? David Mooney as a striker? Oh, hang on...

Leyton Orient 0 Colchester United 1, 28/1/12

Not Brisbane Road

A game which... demonstrated that Brisbane Road is less a fortress, more a dolls' house made of no-frills tissue paper, glitter and orphans' tears. Four wins in 15 home league games this season tells its own story, and today was yet another occasion in which the Os followed up an impressive away victory with an utterly underwhelming performance. Disorganised in defence, wobbly in midfield and (two debatable penalty shouts aside) toothless up front... Not to mention more inappropriate passes than a night on the pull with George Porter.

Moment of magic... The out-of-character moment in the first half when Orient did actually manage to string together around 40 consecutive passes - albeit 39 of them in their own half and 38 of them backwards. Barcleona's reputation as the masters of possession is probably safe for the moment.

Moment of madness... Though it saddens me to say it, yet again Kevin Lisbie (as against Preston and Chesterfield) failed to put away his big chance - this time when he was clean through near the start of the first half. It seems he's finally succumbed to that east London-specific virus known as Fletcher-Cureton Syndrome that renders previously prolific strikers entirely impotent until they sign for another club.

Knight in shining armour... Well, no Orient player exactly covered themselves in glory today, but Lee Butcher responded well to the fact that he's imminently going to be dropped in favour of the nearly-fit Jamie Jones with a faultless display punctuated by two sharp saves in the second half.

Pantomime horse... Dean Cox celebrated signing a new three-and-a-half year contract with perhaps his least effective performance in an Orient shirt ever. Assigned the responsibility of what Russell Slade likes to call the "just run anywhere you like and try to, you know, do something" position, the former Brighton man frequently lost possession and misplaced passes. Towards the end of the game he apparently tackled himself in front of the Colchester fans - either that or his only other option was to pass to Marc Laird so he cut his losses.

In the dug out... Somewhat bemusing tactics from Russell Slade today, lining up in a formation which apparently required Smith, Spring, Cox and Laird to all play in exactly the same position. Admittedly the manager did finally give substitute George Porter a late run-out, but by then it was like asking Robert De Niro to make a cameo towards the end of an Ashton Kutcher film - it was far too late to salvage anything.

A word on the opposition... Gargantuan defender Tom Eastman will have particularly enjoyed today's game as it will remove the need for him to partake in heading practice for the next three years, such was the regularity with which Orient popped the ball up towards his bonce. Aside from that Colchester were well-organised and effective and but for Gavin Massey's jaw-dropping miss at the start of the second half would have had the game sewn up even earlier.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Nothing out of the ordinary from our usual suspects this week so let's instead dwell on the self-proclaimed "lone wolf trying to find his way", ex-O Loick Pires. The former star of Bambi on Ice boasts a Twitter feed that mixes culinary ruminations - "Am I the only person out there who can eat cereal at any time of the day?" - with deep philosophical posturing, such as "Why do pigeons exist?" Best of all, however, was this: "I'd love to be a comedian. Imagine the buzz you'd get from making people laugh all the time." How quickly you forget the crowd reaction to your appearances at Brisbane Road, Loick.

Lesson for the day... Hey Russell! As the fat girl said to the supermodel, there's nothing wrong with a bit of width.