Leyton Orient 3 Notts County 1, 3/10/15

A game in which... the entire Orient team remained locked in the dressing room for a full 30 minutes of the second half. And while Andy Hessenthaler tried unsuccessfully to pick the lock with his credit card ("Leave this to me lads, I saw it in a film") and Connor Essam sat in the corner weeping like a baby ("My sisters used to barricade me in a cupboard, ok") Notts County simply waltzed around the pitch unencumbered by opposition players.

Thankfully they only managed to score once during that time, and when Orient eventually broke free from their temporary prison, a poacher's effort from Jay Simpson and a belter from Sammy Moore allowed them to take all three points. A win – hurrah! – and a just-about deserved one after an impressive first half.

Jump off your seat moment... Only one candidate here: that's right, the moment when Ian Hendon killed a plummeting ball stone dead on the touchline almost if he didn't used to be a lower league journeyman. Just kidding, of course we must hail Sammy Moore's wonder-goal, a shot that dipped and swerved so much it was almost if he just booted it and got lucky. Jesus, just kidding again.

Sammy Moore in action today 

Give that man a medal... Sammy Moore. Because aside from his thunder-strike, he also volleyed in a sublime Bradley Pritchard dink – yeah, you heard – and put in a performance so industrious that Jeremy Corbyn is currently trying to renationalise it.

Taxi for... It was an improved performance from Ollie Palmer after Tuesday's catastrophe, but the big striker still left fans scratching their heads – and not just because there's been an outbreak of nits at Brisbane Road in the last week after resident practical joker Paul McCallum hid everyone's shampoo in Alessandro Angelieri's in-tray. Palmer's a decent player, for sure, but he needs to start putting away some of his chances or he'll soon be replaced by... Oh, hang on, there isn't anyone.

In the dug out... With the squad at its current size, it's little surprise that Ian Hendon's tactics are to simply play the 11 senior players he has available to him in a diamond formation and then bring on Blair Turgott with 30 minutes to go. (Notts County, by contrast, have about 96 players available for selection.) With the loanee additions that the manager promises are coming this week, he should be able to radically shake things up. Expect, for example, Blair Turgott to sometimes come on with just 25 minutes to go next time.

Mathieu Baudry in action today 

Meanwhile on Twitter... "No footballer has ever loved a head bandage as much as Mathieu Baudry,"tweeted fan James McMahon today in response to the fact that the French defender ended up swathed like an Egyptian mummy for the 476th game in succession. His latest head injury is so bad it requires plastic surgery, prompting a sympathetic tweet from Aussie larrikin Alex Cisak: "It's not like his looks can get any worse!" What a drongo.

Leyton Orient 0 Notts County 1, 10/2/15

A game in which... Orient played like a ship without a rudder. Or an engine. Or an anchor. Or a captain. Or a crew. Or a map. Or a radio. Or a lifeboat... Obviously I could go on listing essential components of hazard-free sailing, but what I'm trying to illustrate is that this a club that is all at sea.

Or to put it non-nautically, this performance – or total lack of one – was evidence not only of certain relegation, but a deep, deep malaise running through every aspect of this football club. Now would be an appropriate time to make some sort of comparison between Orient and the Titanic, but I think that might be unfair on the Titanic.

Jump off your seat moment... The Orient fans were on their feet tonight for sure, but only to sing a vociferous rendition of "You don't know what you're doing" at Fabio Liverani for his bewildering substitution of Chris Dagnall. The Scouse striker was at least looking industrious – albeit in the manner of a barely-functioning steel works in a long-forgotten northern town.

Just think, Josh, you could have been
doing this instead... 

Give that man a medal... How Josh Wright must be ruing the day he told the producers of The Only Way Is Essex that he'd rather pursue his career as a professional footballer than join his brother and sister on the set of everyone's sixth-favourite ITV2 show. Don't get me wrong, Wright still played appallingly, just not quite as appallingly as everyone else.

Taxi for... Romain Vincelot had his worst game in an Orient shirt, so was inevitably awarded man of the match by today's sponsors in what's becoming a regular injection of deep, dark satire into each game. Everyone else was equally as shit but they can't all fit in a taxi, so let's instead call one for Fabio Liverani who – if we're lucky – might end up accidentally requesting a fare to Rome while stumbling through his English phrasebook.

"Fuck the technical shit..." Let's leave aside Fabio Liverani's bat-shit mental team selection, formation, tactics and substitutions for the moment, and focus on the fact that he spent the entire first half doing nothing but repeatedly urging Bradley Pritchard to move slightly to the left or right. Nothing else. Just that. I might point out that moving Bradley Pritchard anywhere other than outside of the stadium is unlikely to have a discernible effect on the team's fortunes, but more importantly it is now crystal clear that Liverani has zero chance of turning this round. Zero.

Meanwhile on BBC London... Francisco Becchetti speaks! Just when you thought the Grand Almighty Supreme Overlord-in-Chief of Leyton Orient (I'm contractually-obliged to use his official title) was too busy firing English-speaking staff and making hilarious videos to deign us with his presence, Franny pops up on the radio. And he has some good news for fans! Never mind about all the losing and the impending relegation and the ripping the soul out of the club stuff – you're always moaning about something you lot, lolz! – because according to Mr Becchetti a couple of young people in Italy asked him for Orient shirts. Every cloud...

GUEST POST! Notts County 0 Leyton Orient 0, 8/3/14

Much as I'd have loved to have travelled 1,000 miles to watch Orient draw 0-0 with Notts County, I, erm, didn't. But never mind: Andy Brown - Orient blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - loves a hearty goal-less draw. Here's his account of the game...

Meadow Lane

A game which... resembled two men in sumo suits wrestling in a paddy field. Yup, the best thing about this game was the weather, which was so balmy that the Notts County ground staff spent 30+ minutes using sprinklers before the game. Add into the mix poor refereeing and you have all the ingredients of a scintillating game of one-touch passing football… or at least my neck hurts from watching the ball spend most of its time being hoofed aimlessly into the air.

After a 6-0 spanking at Rotherham the previous week, Notts set up in order not to get beaten with five in midfield. Tactically it worked as the Os were outnumbered in a scrappy battle. Orient failed to get their passing going on the ridiculous pitch, giving the ball away when in possession and looked second best for the first half despite improving in the second.

Save for a Moses Odubajo shot that clipped the bar, Orient were sloppy in possession and had no answer to a dogged Notts County team. They will need to be much better if they want to hold on to a place in the top two.

Moment of magic... In an homage to International Women’s Day, I took a trip to Hooters (for those who don’t know, it’s a tacky wine bar/bistro place full of women in tight tops and hot pants. Disclaimer: it is near the ground). This was preceded by a drink in Ye Olde Trip to Jerusalem (which claims to be the oldest drinking establishment in Britain, founded in 1189 AD and frequented by Richard I’s Crusaders on their way to Jerusalem). It was real sublime to the ridiculous cultural pub-hopping and better than any of the rubbish served up by either team.

Moment of madness... Apart from Scott Cuthbert almost giving Notts a first-minute head start (he did improve), today it goes to the groundsmen for some 1950s/60s-style sabotage, watering a terrible churned up pitch for a lengthy period of time before the game and at half time, that effectively destroyed any chance the game had of being a passable footballing spectacle.

Top gun... Few players stood out in this attritional hoof-fest but once again Eldin Jakupovic looked solid and confident in goal and dealt comfortably with anything that came his way. Shaun Batt is worthy of note too as Orient looked far more dangerous once he came on in the 71st minute as he time and again wrestled his way through a determined Notts rear-guard.

Notts County's Jack Grealish

Little donkey(s)... There are two candidates for this award. Jack Grealish, the young Aston Villa winger clearly fancies himself as Joey Essex. With his socks rolled down and petulant swagger, it took all the patience of saints for the Os players to avoid hacking him down after several  dives.

Gary Sawyer, meanwhile, looked hopelessly out-of-his-depth against a marauding Jamal Campbell-Ryce (the best player on the pitch) who easily looked a class above his opposite number at full back. Maybe it’s hard to blame Sawyer against an excellent opponent, but several times Clarke and Cuthbert had to cover for the hapless full back, who had his worst game since the Bristol City home defeat.

In the dugout... Russell Slade set his team out to win the game, whereas Notts set out not to lose with a 4-5-1 formation. Combined with an abysmal pitch and some below par performances from the Os, it’s hard to see what more Slade could have done. However, he is going to have to figure out a plan B to win games as each match becomes more vital for every team in the final run of the season and relegation-threatened teams shut-up shop.

The introduction of Shaun Batt improved Orient, but there were too many below-par performances coupled with injuries that prevented the Os turning one point into three.

View from the opposition... Silver fox Shaun Derry praised his players and set the world record for the use of the word “honest” in his post-match analysis. If honest means turning the game into a scrap on a quagmire of a pitch to prevent the other team playing football, then I agree. He has a very “honest” team.

Tweet of the week... I’m still laughing five whole days after this appeared from Dan. If you know WTF this is please let me know, but I think it has something to do with a connection between Orient and dragons (Oriental). Either way, it is mental, and I want it as a poster!

Leyton Orient 5 Notts Co 1, 17/9/13

A game which... on paper, Orient should have won. But as anyone who's supported the Os for more than five seconds can attest, games which we should win "on paper" are almost always the ones we lose. The fact that we actually put Notts County to the sword so emphatically suggests that our winning run isn't just an inexplicable but short-lived quirk of history - like snow-washed jeans or Olly Murs - but a genuine tilt at promotion, if not the League One title itself. Did I just say that?

Moment of magic... So many to choose from, but let's take a moment to celebrate Shaun Batt who - with the best goals-to-minutes ratio of all our strikers - must be sitting on the bench feeling like he's waiting to audition for a part in a West End revival of Grease the Musical only to see John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John in the queue ahead of him. But with his typically rampaging goal and his assist for Jayden Stockley, he reminded fans that he's a more than able back up for Mooney and Lisbie.  

Half-time entertainment

Moment of madness... Notts County's goal. Slade out! Actually, the madness was restricted to half-time when for reasons that may be loosely associated with something or other, someone was allowed to sing a song about referees down the microphone. Thanks to Orient's late 16th-century PA system the effect was the sort of blood-curdling wail that hasn't been heard at Brisbane Road since Dean Morgan was lightly tapped on the arm by an opposition defender in 2008. 

Top gun... Tonight the Official Romain Vincelot Man Of The Match Award went to... Kevin Lisbie. And why not, hey, for a striker now averaging a goal per game in his eight appearances this season. At this rate he'll overtake the goal-scoring records of Tommy Johnston (36 goals in 1957/58), Peter Kitchen (29 goals in 1977/78), Carl Griffiths (21 goals in 1997/98) and the next best, Chris Tate (5 goals in 2000/01). 

Dean Leacock

Little donkey... There are no weak links in the Orient side at the moment so let's instead take a gratuitous pop at Notts County centre-back and former O Dean Leacock. Russell Slade infamously described Leacock as his Rolls Royce, presumably because he was best kept locked in a garage out of harm's way. Tonight, in the face of Orient's scintillating attacking, the Notts County man must have felt more like he was trying to win a Formula 1 Grand Prix in a second-hand Kia Picanto.

In the dug out... What a joy it must have been for Russell to be able to rest Lisbie, Mooney and Odubajo for the latter part of the game and see two of his three substitutes score goals and the other one dribble around in circles near the halfway line. At the moment everything the manager touches is turning to gold - which means there'll be trouble if he goes anywhere near Kevin Dearden's post-match KFC bucket. 

View from the opposition... "Playing three at the back against top of the league away from home when we are without a win all year is absolutely ridiculous," wrote Notts County fan James Pegg, not unreasonably, while Peter Caine added an earthier "Well I ain't paying any more money to watch that shower of shit until things change."

Tweet of the week... Orient's amazing run of form has even got our part-time celebrity fans excited, and this week The Only Way Is Essex star Debbie From The Only Way Is Essex tweeted simply: "east east east London" accompanied by this picture. Next stop Brisbane Road, Debs. 

Orient by numbers... The last time Orient had a positive goal difference of 16 goals was in 1932 after a 16-0 rout of Newport on the first day of the season. "I remember it well," chuckled goalkeeper Herbert Emery some years later. "Our inside left Reggie Tricker was driving the team bus to the game after 13 pints of mild and got us lost somewhere near Pontypool. We ended up having to play the fixture against the Wales under-15 ladies lacrosse team. The Football League were none the wiser!"

Leyton Orient 2 Notts County 1, 26/1/13

Today's match officials

A game in which... Orient recorded an impressive victory despite facing significant obstacles: Notts County's 22-game unbeaten away record; officiating apparently inspired by popular clown routines of the early 19th-century; and the fact the defence had to tame an opposition No.9 playing with all the elegance of an irate rhinoceros rampaging through a dolls' house.

Initially Orient looked like they might succumb to their old party trick of failing to convert pressure into goals - indeed, so many chances went begging that even substitute Michael Symes was moved to put down his bag of doughnuts, lick his lips and proclaim: "Reckon I could have put one of them away." But no matter, when it came to it, Mooney and Baudry put the ball in the net to send the Os soaring to exactly the same place in the table as they were before the game kicked off.

Moment of magic... The point at which official Lee Collins gave credence to the chant "You're not fit to referee" by, well, not being fit to referee and leaving the pitch midway through the second half. Apparently he'd inadvertently swallowed his one remaining brain cell, hence explaining some of his decisions earlier in the match.

Bartosz Bialkowski: time waster

Moment of madness... The South Stand's decision to boo County's Bartosz Bialkowski for having the temerity to require treatment after being kicked in the head by Charlie MacDonald. Next week: Orient fans rage at Swindon's goalkeeper for time-wasting after his arm is lopped off in a bizarre clash with David Mooney.

Knight in shining armour... Tough one this. Baudry, Cook, Chorley and Odubajo all class, but perhaps Martin Rowlands edges it as the architect of Orient's attacking play. One 50-yard pass to Lee Cook in the first half was particularly sumptuous, and the only blot on his copybook was a missed free kick - presumably he can only score when opposition fans are calling him a cunt.

Pantomime horse... Incredibly Charlie MacDonald managed to go through the entire match without touching the ball a single time - some feat given the game lasted about four hours. Yes, for a self-proclaimed goal-poacher the former Brentford man was conspicuous by his absence on the numerous occasions that the ball bobbled inviting around the County six-yard box. Less a fox in the box, more a dozy gerbil wandering aimlessly through a field.

In the dug out... Never let it be said that all Kevin Dearden does in a match is sit there idly doodling on an A4 pad while repeatedly breaking wind and wondering whether to have Findus crispy pancakes or a bumper pack of Hula Hoops for dinner. Never let that be said. Today Orient's goalkeeping coach was so incensed by the performance of the referee that he left his seat - no mean feat - and confronted the official. "Kev made his views pretty clear to me," said the referee after the match. "Apparently he reckons KFC is better than Nandos."

Meanwhile on Twitter... "Piss bored today so experimenting by launching a blog" revealed resident Brisbane Road brainbox Leon McSweeney this week, breaking all traditions of player tweeting by failing to make any spelling mistakes. The blog is good too. "Will hopefully stay inspired to write one regularly," he wrote later - although he won't be able to count on the readership of Lloyd James, who replied simply, "Please don't." Charming.

Statto corner... In the days before fourth officials, should a referee get injured during a game clubs had to be more creative around how they replaced them. In a game against Bradford City in 1994, for example, striker Colin West was required to both play up front and run the line for the last 35 minutes of the match after the referee pulled his hamstring. He would have scored a last-minute winner but for the fact he incorrectly flagged himself offside.

Leyton Orient 0 Notts County 3, 6/4/12

A game in which… Orient didn’t so much as shoot themselves in the foot, but blasted off their whole legs with a bazooka. Make no mistake, for the first 65 minutes this was a much improved performance in which the Os not only retained possession but also – unlike the games against Charlton and Huddersfield – created numerous chances. The fact that they couldn't convert any of them or avoid conceding three goals at the other end, however, means that we are utterly doomed.

Moment of magic… The sweeping counter-attack early in the second half that teed up Jimmy Smith on the edge of the area. That he put his shot wide demonstrated that there was more chance of Jonathan Tehoue ordering ‘Just the salad for me, thanks’ at the Pizza Hut all-you-can-eat buffet than Orient actually getting the ball in the back of the net.

Orient's defence

Moment of madness… That horrifying, heart-in-mouth moment when Jamie Jones collected a cross, only to collide with Terrell Forbes – presumably confused as to where he was supposed to be standing having played in 11 different positions over the last six games – and spill the ball. Don’t get me wrong, it was a joy to have Jones back – a typically athletic leap to deny Lee Hughes in the second half reminded us what a talent he is – but it’s a shame he’s playing behind a defence who are about to be served a lawsuit by the Swiss Cheese Marketing Board for blatant copyright infringement.

Knight in shining armour… Today’s man of the match was David Mooney. WARNING! WARNING! FATAL ERROR IN THE INTERNET. EVACUATE THE VICINITY IMMEDIATELY. No, seriously, the former pub team ringer, sorry, Colchester player, got involved, laid the ball off well and set up a number of chances, almost as if he was an actual footballer.

Pantomime horse… Fair play to Jimmy Smith, he never lacks in effort and actually did get himself involved a bit more than usual today. But in squandering so many gilt-edged chances, the shaven-haired lothario’s performance was the footballing equivalent of a night out at Loughton's Nubar in which numerous hot women offer him sexual favours, only to be disappointed when he accidentally throws up on each of them.

In the dug out… Today Russell reverted to the 4-4-2-ish sort of formation that worked so well last year and, were it not for the abysmal finishing, might have actually paid off. But the manager’s constant tinkering – today Dean Leacock had a crack at right back – and apparent inability to recognise what his best team is meant that once again the Os were ripped apart like a papier-mache clown thrown to the lions.

A word on the opposition… A pretty easy day out for the Notts County players. All they had to do was to sit back, watch Orient miss chance after chance and then wait until the home defence gave them the ball and said, ‘Hey, why don’t you score into this empty net?’ They’ll probably have easier victories, but only if they challenge a group of claustrophobics to a game of hide-and-seek.

Lesson for the day… If, as a fan, you want to continue to follow Orient’s push for League One survival, your money is probably better spent going to Wycombe games and heartily cheering on their opponents.

Leyton Orient 2 Notts County 0, 5/3/11

A game which... was so entertaining that even if you repackaged it as an early evening show on Channel Five presented by Amanda Holden and Reggie Yates it would still be worth watching. In the first half Orient totally overran Notts County with a wonderful display of attacking verve. That they only had one goal to show for it was a shame - and pre-Russell Slade Orient would definitely have gone on to lose the game 2-1 - but this is a whole new world we're in now. A good world. A bit like Pandora in the film Avatar, but without all the smurfs and tree-bothering.

Moment to savour... When Notts County manager Paul Ince tasted his half-time cup of Brisbane Road tea he was so incensed by the poor quality - and who can blame him? - that he elected to throw it over Orient goalkeeping coach Kevin Dearden. Ince, remember, is a ludicrous parody of himself - a self-proclaimed 'Guv'nor' who was so lacking in bottle that he refused to take a penalty at Euro 96 and sat with his back to the goal while Gareth Southgate fluffed his effort. He's done some pretty stupid things in his time, but shouting 'I'll see you outside' to Dearden as he was ejected to the stands must rank right up there. Dearden, remember, isn't afraid of a challenge. He had to try to teach Glenn Morris to kick properly - and it doesn't get any tougher than that.

Head in hands moment... There are only three certainties in life: death, taxes and the fact that Charlie Daniels will never, ever attempt to kick a ball with his right foot. Nonetheless every single person in the entire stadium could have predicted that Stuart Nelson - the former Orient keeper who was baited by the crowd throughout the match - was going to save Alex Revell's penalty.

King for a day... Another fantastic all-round team performance, with special mentions to Tom Carroll, Dean Cox and Terrell Forbes. But let's take this moment to eulogise Matthew Spring. One shouldn't understimate how important it is to have someone in the team who can execute a lazy pirouette then repeatedly pass the ball back to the goalkeeper. (Indeed, Spring almost scored a stunning own goal with this very move in the first half.) But the former Charlton man isn't in the team to simply give Jamie Jones kicking practice - his calm assurance on the ball, his incisive passing and his enormous nose make him stand out from the crowd, and his skills complement those of Stephen Dawson perfectly.

Boo boy... Once again it's impossible to choose someone who had a bad game for the Os, so instead let's make a cheap gag about Stuart Nelson. Although the goalkeeper's performance wasn't terrible, his own defence seemed intent on forcing a mistake out of him by continually lobbing bobbling balls back in his direction. And nothing makes him madder than that - apart from his own mind, of course.

In the dug out... Russell's got it spot on again, resting Scott McGleish; bringing in the impressive-looking Harry Kane; sticking with 11-year-old Tom Carroll in midfield and resisting the temptation to pile in on Paul Ince after the tea-throwing incident. Not that Ince would have come out the right side of that little tete-a-tete.

What would Martin Ling have done? Responded to the fracas in the dug-out by asking his 'big striker' to wade in, only to realise that the only 'big striker' he'd managed to sign was 5ft 6in Wayner Purser, who promptly gets splattered by the Notts County training staff.

Play-offs? Eight points off the play-offs with four games in hand and the team in formidable form. It's possible. And the good times - like George Michael with a massive bag of weed in front of him - are just continuing to roll and roll.