Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Luton Town 2 Leyton Orient 1, 1/9/15

These two were on the bench for Orient

A game which... Ian Hendon did everything in his power to lose. He wore a tracksuit; he selected a bench made of up three 11-year-olds and two unfortunate holidaymakers who'd got lost on the way to Luton Airport; he played Bradley Pritchard at left midfield for part of the game; he deliberately substituted off all his reliable penalty-takers when the game was level at 85 minutes... And yet still Luton wouldn't take the bait until they guaranteed themselves victory by going down to 10 men.

So, Operation Concentrate On The League ended perfectly for Orient. And while for obvious reasons it wasn't our most fluid performance of the season, there were also some encouraging moments from this makeshift, youthful team.

Jump off your seat moment... The moment in the first half when Luton's creaking behemoth of a centre back Stephen McNulty tried to shepherd the ball back to his keeper only for Scott Kashket to dart in front of him and nearly steal a goal. Indeed, the battle between the pair throughout the game was reminiscent of an ageing rhinoceros trying to lazily swat an irritatingly persistent dung beetle with his tail. What I'm saying here – the dung beetle comparison notwithstanding – is that Kashket was pretty good.

Give that man a medal... Since Joe Maguire only signed on loan from Liverpool yesterday, he obviously didn't get the secret memo from Ian Hendon that spelled out in morse code: "WE MUST LOSE THIS GAME BUT MAKE IT LOOK A BIT LIKE WE AT LEAST TRIED TO WIN BECAUSE I THINK IT'S ILLEGAL TO THROW GAMES." What else could explain the fact he actually looked pretty assured in central defence?

Jack Marriott: princess

Quiz question... If you're a professional footballer who's just missed a point blank header in front of the opposition fans, who then mildly goad you, do you: a) ignore them, being that you're a professional footballer b) ignore them, being that you're a professional footballer, then score your next chance to shut them up or c) sarcastically applaud them, stick your middle finger up then get sent off? If you answered c) then you're Jack Marriott, in which case what the hell are you doing reading this blog? You should be out doing things more consistent with your apparent level of maturity, such as playing peek-a-boo or dressing up as a princess from Frozen.

In the dugout... According to Ian Hendon, a number of players were taken ill before and during this game, including Sean Clohessy who came off at half-time. Did someone spike Orient's traditional pre-match meal of a massive fry up at a greasy spoon cafe? Did someone (other than Ian Hendon and every single Orient fan) want the Os to lose at any cost? I do not know the answers to these questions, but I did see Andy Hessenthaler buying 37 packets of laxatives at a chemist on Leyton High Road earlier in the day. You do the math.

A "club source" pens news of Jack Payne's
impending signing back in 1843

Meanwhile on Twitter... "Football. Bloody hell," said Sir Alex Ferguson once of the unpredictability of our beloved sport. And given that we never quite know what's around the corner it probably makes sense not to promise to tattoo your own face if a certain player signs for your club. Or similarly, best not pledge to "shit in your own hands and clap" as Dan Slawinski did when the Jack Payne to Orient rumours began back in the year 1843. Jack: welcome to Orient. Dan: hope you've got some strong detergent.

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Gillingham 1 Leyton Orient 0, 7/12/14

A game which... served as a telling – if rather depressing – counterpoint to the 5-1 victory that Orient enjoyed over Gillingham just eight months ago, when we ran them ragged and scored this incredible team goal. But we've plummeted such depths since then it's a surprise the team don't run out wearing deep-sea diving suits.

In fact, that wouldn't have made them any less mobile, because to be less mobile than today's performance would be impossible. I mean, yes, we did knock the ball around a bit in the first two-thirds of the pitch and fashion a couple of half-chances, but it was all pretty uninspiring. Chuck in the inevitable concession from a set piece and Orient's season is now swimming with the fishes.

Jump off your seat moment... There were no jump off your seat moments. But I did slightly raise one eyebrow in anticipation when substitute Shaun Batt crossed into the path of Bradley Pritchard who appeared to only have to breath on the ball to put it into the open net. Instead he chose to collapse in a heap on the ground so I could happily return my eyebrow to its default Orient 2014/15 setting of weary resignation.

Give that man a medal... Well done Gary Sawyer who was flawless in defence and provided a hint of attacking impetus. Maybe he could play left back, Dossena left midfield and Cox right midfield? God knows we have to try something different. Maybe he could play in goal and Legzdins up front? Maybe Mooney could play in central defence? Maybe Jobi McAnuff could play at all?

Taxi for... Gianvito Plasmati. Now, if the giant Italian is standing still – I say "if", obviously I mean "when" – then he is perfectly adapt at trapping the ball and then laying it off for someone else to cock up. Other than that he appears to have very little other use on a football pitch. Indeed, despite his height he rarely even wins headers, which means he's the worst jumper since this little number sported by Lloyd James.

"Fuck the technical shit..." "To score obviously makes a difference in this sport," said Mauro Milanese after the game, suggesting he really is almost at the point where he actually knows what he's doing. Five straight away defeats and just two victories (against one side bottom of League One and one side in League Two) in his eight games in charge doesn't bode particularly well for the future though.

Meanwhile on Linked In... Let's step away from the gloom of Orient for a moment to stalk today's referee Trevor Kettle on Linked In.

The Business Development Executive and worst referee in the whole of human history claims that he "thrives of delivering quality output". If you say so Trevor. "My strengths are my inter-personnel" he adds, somehow managing to break at least 14 different rules of grammar in one five-word phrase and possibly contradicting his later assertion that he has "excellent communication skills".

Still, he also says he's good at "simplifying complex matters and providing clear guidance." Want to be manager of Orient pal?

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Leyton Orient 2 Northampton Town 0, 11/11/14

A game in which... the 48 fans that bothered to turn up saw things they wouldn't believe: an Orient player score a one-on-one, a Marvin Bartley goal, a home victory... And all those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain. 

Yes, that's right readers, I'm almost certainly alienating 75% of you by trying to riff on the 1982 sci-fi film Blade Runner, but tonight did feel like a glimpse into the future. And by that I mean we'll probably fare ok when we're in League Two next season. Just kidding – actually there were signs of progress in a more solid defensive performance, an industrious display in midfield and encouraging interplay between strikers Simpson and Dagnall. Not quite time to die yet, then. (Here endeth the Blade Runner references.) 

Jump off your seat moment... A delightfully mazy run into the penalty box by Chris Dagnall at the start of the second half. He weaves left, he weaves right, he weaves left again, he briefly stumbles over his own Scouse accent, he breaks free on the edge of the six-yard box, he sets himself up for goal of the season... Oh, he's spooned his shot into the far corner of the south stand. Still, a great shift by the bearded goal-nipper. 

Give that man a medal... Now, Marvin Bartley was by no means the best player on the pitch tonight, but he possibly wasn't the worst and, by Christ, that's progress. A couple of his passes weren't backwards, a couple of his tackles weren't mistimed and – to top it all – he sealed victory with a well-taken goal that almost certainly wasn't a miscued cross. Do the Bartman? Yes I do. 

Taxi for... Gary Sawyer. Not because he played badly – he didn't – but because with the arrival of Champions League-pedigreed Andrea Dossena it looks like his days of being fifth-choice left-back after Omozusi, Lowry, Pritchard, Ling and Ada the kit man are numbered. Personally I always thought that when he wasn't being torn apart by Carl Baker he was pretty decent. Wanna make something of it? 

"Fuck the technical shit"... Mauro Milanese might just have saved his job with his first win in four attempts as Orient's caretaker-interim-temporary-manager. How did he do it? By playing the 11 fit professionals available to him mostly in their correct positions. But, joking aside, this was a markedly improved performance and from tiny seeds a mighty trunk may grow. Which begs the question: what the hell did he have planted in his head to explain that hair? 

Meanwhile on Twitter... For on-loan Orient midfielder Josh Wright there are many advantages to being the less-famous sibling to Mark Wright of The Only Way is Essex and Strictly Come Dancing and Jess Wright of The Only Way Is Essex and... well, just that. He gets VIP entry to Faces, Gants Hill, for example while lesser names such as, ooh, let's say Jimmy Smith, are left #fuming in the queue. But perhaps the best is that he gets Orient cup cakes made for him bearing his likeness, as seen in this photo he tweeted last week. Eat my face! 

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Peterborough United 2 Leyton Orient 3, 2/9/14

Orient's formation tonight 

A game in which... Russell Slade didn't just rip up the football book of tactics, but doused it in petrol, set it alight and scattered its burning embers over the London Road turf. Yes, by fielding four central defenders, four central midfielders and two centre forwards, the manager played a team so lacking in width that it was like watching 11 players do the conga for 90 minutes.

Not that it prevented Orient recording a relatively straightforward victory over the league leaders – despite playing much of the second half with only 10 men – and there were plenty of signs that things are going in the right direction this season.

Jump off your seat moment... The moment that led to Orient's second goal when Lloyd James released Chris Dagnall with an outside-of-the-boot pass so sublime it was almost as if he actually meant it. Just kidding: this was no accident and was the leek-flavoured icing on the Welsh cake of a superb performance by Orient's midfield playmaker.

Give that man a medal... Despite Lloyd James's heroics and another commanding display by Gary Woods, it was Chris Dagnall who swiped the man-of-the-match fake Champagne tonight – and for good reason. The little Scouse terrier was a constant menace, scoring two goals and setting up the other. But don't listen to me, hear it from the man himself in his post-match interview in which he screeched: "Laaaaaaa wheeee laaaa eeeee llaaaa wheee laaa laaaa llama whee." Or something like that.

Don't worry Marvin, there's always this...

Taxi for... Oh Marvin Bartley. Stitched up like a kipper for Peterborough's first goal, wasteful in possession and demonstrating an alarming inability to control a football. It turns out the midfielder used to install double glazing for a living –  and he certainly continues to deliver twice the pane for Orient fans whenever he's on the pitch. Sorry.

"Fuck the technical shit"... What is Russell Slade's preferred staring XI? Well, it's September and still only one man knows the answer to this... so if anyone comes across that man can you ask him to tell Russell what it is. Woods or Legzdins in goal? Mooney or Henderson up front? Omozusi or Lowry at left back? Bartley or a packet of Monster Munch on the bench? Tough decisions for the manager.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Much consternation from Os fans tonight over the Sky Sports commentary team's relentless drooling over Peterborough. After the 34,000th mention of the fact that Posh have a relatively young team Kris Hood was moved to tweet this picture of their fresh-faced players. At one point co-commentator and professional idiot Garry Birtles got so over-excited he compared a Posh free kick to those of David Luiz. "Bit different because he plays for Peterborough and it went over the bar," deadpanned Os fan Edina. Touché.

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Stevenage 3 Leyton Orient 2, 12/11/13

A game which… closely resembled a teenage couple's first evening alone: a heady rush of excitement at the beginning despite the schoolboy errors, some awkward fumbling and then 45 minutes of standing around looking embarrassed.

Yes, who apart from everyone in the world could have guessed that with Gary Sawyer at centre back Orient would be 2-0 down within 10 minutes? And while the Os rallied throughout the rest of the first half they ultimately found themselves unable to break down Stevenage's ten men in the second. Bit of a strange game, but no great disaster to be out of the Johnstone's Paint Trophy this season.

Moment of magic… The moment Lloyd James wrestled the ball from David Mooney to take our penalty. The Irish striker has missed 100 per cent of his last two spot kicks which was reason enough for the Welsh midfielder to step up and very nearly cock it up himself.

Graham Westley

Moment of madness… Every single moment that referee James Adcock made a decision. And I don't mean that in the sense that Orient were hard done by. In fact, Graham Westley could well have complained about Stevenage's red card and the penalty decision against them – and probably would have done if at the time he wasn't still rolling around on the floor screaming, crying and soiling his nappy about an Orient throw in that had been taken four centimetres higher up the pitch than it should have been.

Top gun... Comparing the Lloyd James of today with the Lloyd James that was run ragged against Tranmere in August 2012 is like comparing a gourmet meal at Heston Blumenthal's Fat Duck restaurant to a steaming pile of vomit. The midfielder is now the cog that makes Orient turn and tonight showed that even in adversity his intelligent passing is crucial to the team's attacking impetus. 

Jimmy Smith: fuming

Little donkey... You can say one thing about Jayden Stockley: he certainly does a lot of jumping. Then again so does a tree frog, and you wouldn't play that up front alongside David Mooney, even in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy. It would be rude of me not to mention Stevenage right back Jimmy Smith too, who has got himself a mohican since leaving Brisbane Road. "My team mates told me we were going out for an Indian," said Jimmy. "I didn't realise they meant Red Indian. I was fuming."   

In the dug out... "If they'd got any deeper, they'd have required snorkels," said Russell Slade of Stevenage's defending, saving me from the bother of coming up with my own rubbish metaphor. But you can hardly blame a team down to 10 men trying to protect their lead. It seemed, however, that the Os manager was unsure whether he really wanted to win the game or not. He put out a relatively strong side, yet when chasing the game chose to take off Mooney and Batt rather than the less effective Jayden Stockley. "We are only going to be successful if we taste failure," he added cryptically, thus explaining away the entire 2011/12 season. 

View from the opposition... "Best win in years," wrote menacingly-named Stevenage fan Chuds on the Borochat forum. "Most satisfying for a long time. They disgust me. Their fans and their players, and their chairman are all utterly despicable." Blimey. One can only imagine how excitable Chuds will be if Stevenage win anything more significant than a Johnstone's Paint Trophy area quarter-final. 

Daryl McMahon: Bjorn again

Tweet of the week... "It's getting to that time of year check shirt, big boots and @MumfordAndSons on in the motor on the way to work," wrote one-time Orient midfielder Daryl McMahon this week, almost as if the concepts of fashion and music had never existed. And what is Daryl up to these days? By the look of his profile pic, he's moonlighting in an Abba tribute band. 

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Leyton Orient 0 Coventry City 0, 8/10/13

A game which... was the perfect advert for cup sponsor Johnstone's, in that the spectacle was exactly like watching some of their paint dry. Yes, it was lucky the tickets were only £10 each because, in terms of value for money, that meant they were only £10 overpriced.

So Orient aren't hitting the heights of earlier this season and for most of the match struggled to play the final pass or construct purposeful attacks. On the plus side the defence were superb and all four penalties perfectly executed. And still no one other than a Premier League side has managed to beat us this season. Don't panic!

Moment of magic... Jamie Jones's brilliant penalty save - the first he had to make all match - and clearly inspired by the pre-shoot out pep talk from goalkeeping coach Kevin Dearden. "Right, Scouse. Chicken Cottage on Leyton High Road are doing two-for-one buckets of spicy chicken wings until 10pm so for Christ's sake save a couple so we can get the fuck out of here."

David Mooney's touch is somewhere here

Moment of madness... The moment towards the end of the match when substitute David Mooney was put clean through by Lloyd James. It would have been a certain goal, save for the fact that the Irish striker's touch didn't merely desert him, it booked a one-way flight to Australia and left without so much as a goodbye.

Top gun... Another towering performance by Nathan Clarke tonight, who's proving to be so solid at the back this season it's like having a six-foot brick wall in front of the Orient goal. Which, interestingly, Martin Ling once tried when he needed a bit more mobility than Joe Dolan could offer.

Little donkey... Yohann Lasimant - given his first start of the season tonight - certainly looks cultured. But then again so does a pot of strawberry yogurt and you wouldn't ask that to try to execute a successful pass to a team mate. And while the Frenchman can certainly dribble round in circles, some end product is going to be useful if he's to contribute more this season.

The management... "We're lucky to have Samsung as a sponsor, they have given us a tablet which we used to show Jamie some clips," said Kevin Nugent after the game in a shameless attempt to blag a free Galaxy S4 smartphone to replace the battered Nokia 5110 he's had since 1998. "The lads may laugh," he added, "but none of them have scored over 4 billion on Snake."

View from the opposition... "Hope Steven Pressley sticks this up on the tactics board tomorrow," wrote Sky Blues fan Curtis Armstrong yesterday of the photo below, adding "John Fleck take note." And Fleck did indeed take note of not shooting straight at the keeper when taking his penalty. He put it wide instead.

Tweet of the week... "Why wasn't I born in Spain (Barcelona)" tweeted one-time Orient cry baby Dean Morgan plaintively this week. Pray tell why, Deano: Is it because of Gaudi's impressive modernist architecture throughout the city? Is it because of the proud history of Catalonian nationalism? Is it because of the molecular gastronomy cuisine created by the pioneering Adria brothers? Nope, apparently it's this: "I would love to play in the Nou Camp." Yep, Deano, if you'd been born in Barcelona you'd definitely have a chance of appearing at the Nou Camp. I've heard they're pretty short of stewards at the moment.

Orient by numbers... Two. The number of teeth one unfortunate press photographer has left after being clattered by Moses Odubajo in the first half. "I was lucky," he spluttered after the game. "A colleague of mine got steamrollered by Michael Symes last season. We're still trying to dig him out."

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Southend 2 Leyton Orient 2, 20/2/13

A game which... left Orient fans sicker than Sean Thornton and JJ Melligan the morning after a particularly debauched St Patrick's Day. God knows it's heartbreaking to lose in the dying minutes of what's effectively a pre-Wembley semi-final, but to do so to your arch nemeses hurts really bad.

Still, despite their very best efforts, over the two legs Orient only have themselves to blame for not capitalising on the long spells of pressure they did have and for somehow allowing all three of Southend's only shots on goal in 180 minutes to actually go in.

Moment of magic... David Mooney's headed goal, demonstrating that if you need an ice-cool striker who'll reliably put away one in every 46 chances, he's your man.

Moment of madness... That time-bending moment in the second half when - at 2-1 up - the ball spooned up off Shaun Batt's shin, over the Southend keeper and towards the goal. It seemed to hang for hours - suspending the hopes and dreams of Os fans in mid-air - before finally, inevitably and predictably plopping on to the crossbar like Kevin Dearden collapsing onto an armchair after polishing off a Pizza Hut Jumbo Dinner Box and three bumper packs of Doritos.

Knight in shining armour... Lee Cook caused the opposition many problems, presumably confusing them by being the only Orient player not to repeatedly hoof the ball up the pitch as soon as it came near him. Shaun Batt too was a constant nuisance, often to himself, and continues to be Orient's best 'big man' since the imaginary ones Martin Ling talked up every summer.

Pantomime horse... This is no time to blame individuals - that time comes after league games - because it was clear quite how much this mattered to the team. The players gave their all and were crestfallen at the final whistle - a situation not helped by the fact they were surrounded by pitch-invading Southend fans celebrating like they'd just heard Essex's own Jodie Marsh had been given an OBE.

In the dug out... Clearly Russell had issued some very specific instructions about the way Orient should be playing. He calls it 'direct'; others know it as 'LUMP IT'. Either way it was a surprise to see just how quickly the players were releasing the ball upfield rather than letting the likes of Cox, Cook and Odubajo get on it. Particularly as this seemed to be playing to Southend's strengths rather than our own, a ploy that makes about as much sense as challenging Andy Murray to game of tennis after he's just offered to play you at Monopoly.

Meanwhile on Twitter... This week saw a smart innovation from the official @leytonorientfc Twitter feed. Just send a tweet explaining why you should follow Orient and you could win a pre-match meal of minced horse at the club restaurant. Simple. There were plenty of entries, although unfortunately for the club almost all of them went something like this: "You thought Chris Huhme was good at getting someone to take his points? You've seen nothing yet. #ff @leytonorientfc for car crash endings." Or this: "#ff @leytonorientfc so you can brag to friends about supporting 'real football' before going home to cry alone." It even made the news in Sweden.

Statto corner... Contrary to popular opinion Orient have actually secured some silverware in their history - and not just the cutlery set Kevin Nugent won in the tombola at the annual Leyton Women's Institute fete. In 1973 the club won the now defunct London Challenge Cup, a competition in which teams from the capital competed against local primary schools. "It was a proud moment," recalled captain Peter Allen. "Enfield Girls High School are a tough side to break down, but we stuck at it and got the result."

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Leyton Orient 0 Southend United 1, 5/2/13

Paul Sturrock... or is it Christopher Biggins?

A game which... demonstrated that while losing football matches is always painful, defeat to Southend is like being strapped to a bed of spikes, set on fire and made to watch Paul Sturrock slowly disrobe. But Orient have only themselves to blame, really: they created enough chances to be 47-0 up at half-time but failed to convert any of them and then did a passable impression of an average League Two side - Southend, for example - for the final 45 minutes. Still, if we win at Roots Hall it will have been worth losing just to have temporarily got the Shrimpers fans' hopes up.

Moment of magic... One driving run from Shaun Batt in the first half that teed up David Mooney perfectly to slot in from the six-yard box. Or at least it would have done had Mooney's first touch not taken the ball to somewhere just outside of Epping. Yes, while both strikers did plenty of good work in creating opportunities, unfortunately neither had the wherewithal to actually put the ball in the net when it mattered.

Moment of madness... Mathieu Baudry's inexplicably weak header in the lead-up to the Southend goal, which hung invitingly in the air for so long that Ben Chorley, watching at home on Sky, had time to send a fax to the club office berating the Frenchman for his ineptitude.

Knight in shining armour... No one particularly covered themselves in glory tonight so let's instead focus on the fact that Jamie Jones - after an uncharacteristically nervous performance against Stevenage - was commanding his area with much more authority. At one point in the first half he charged off his line with all the speed of a Scouse autograph hunter who's just spotted Cilla Black having a ciggy with Atomic Kitten and the entire cast of Brookside.

Pantomime villains... The Southend fans, of course, who did themselves proud by ripping up the seats in the East Stand. I guess they still haven't forgiven us for selling them Marc Laird.

In the dug out... "Don't worry, it's only half-time," said Russell at the end of the game, confusing poor Jimmy Smith who was still to be seen running round the pitch at 10:30pm wondering why he was being afforded so much time and space on the ball. Still didn't score, mind.

Statto corner... Back in the early 90s manager Peter Eustace didn't pay the Football League Trophy - or the Beaphar Care-plus Hamster Food Trophy as it was known then - as much respect as Russell Slade does now. In a first round game against Brentford in 1993, for example, the Orient team contained three ball boys, two tea ladies and five members of the local Women's Institute. "We would have won if I hadn't also given Colin West a run out," said Eustace.

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Leyton Orient 1 Barnet 0, 9/10/12

David Mooney

A game in which... Orient put in a vintage performance. Unfortunately that vintage was Paul Brush's dire 2002/03 squad. Yes, this was a League Two performance against a League Two club, but let's look on the bright side: we won, we kept a clean sheet and we're through to the next round.

More importantly this was a chance for the fringe players to show what they could do. And what they did was show why they were fringe players. It is, for example, possible to imagine a strikeforce worse than David Mooney and Michael Symes, but only if you picture in your mind a balloon with a face painted on it looking bemusedly at an oil tanker.

Moment of magic... The moment David Mooney cued up an overhead kick in the penalty area, no doubt possessed by the spirit of Chris Tate, who overcame similar suspicion among fans with a bicycled goal against Barnet in 2001. Mooney's no Tate though - it's even debatable whether he's of more use than the similarly-named bag of sugar - and his effort bobbled apologetically towards the keeper.

Moment of madness... The moment in the second half when David Mooney - yep, him again - apparently collapsed under the weight of his own ineptitude in the Barnet penalty area. Save the diving for the Olympic Park, eh Dave?

Knight in shining armour... Tonight seems as good a time as any to hail the qualities of Ryan Allsop, who's been flawless between the sticks of late. The young stopper is like a Glenn Morris who can kick; an Ashley Bayes who comes off his line; and a Jamie Jones who isn't always injured. Long may he continue.

Michael Symes

Pantomime horse... For the second game running - and despite a cameo from Marc Laird - I'm afraid the award has to go to Michael Symes. If I want to watch something slow and cumbersome lumber around a field mournfully then I can simply find a nature DVD that captures the protracted and painful death of a hippopotamus attacked by lions. At Brisbane Road we expect something a bit more from our strikers. Actually we don't, but God knows there must be a better option than Symes if we're looking for size and strength up front?

In the dug out... "SIMPLE! SIMPLE!" yelled Russell Slade at one point, which either means he was concerned that Orient were overcomplicating things or he was trying to attract the attention of Jimmy Smith. Assuming it was the former, then it's a strange message to relay, for the tactics seem to primarily echo that school playground staple 'kick and rush'. And what's simpler than that? Three and in?

Meanwhile on Twitter... This week former Os boss John Sitton took to Twitter this week to offer sage advice to a departed X Factor contestant: "Caroline should exit to the US," he wrote with the benefit of his long experience of the music business. "Will be a great success in Nashville." But who does Sitts himself back in the show? "JAHMENE!!!!!!!!!!!! Vote JAHMENE Or You Can Bring Your Dinner!!" he tweeted, menacingly. Well, you heard him.

Statto corner... Since Johnstone's Paint began sponsoring the Football League Trophy in 2006, they've experienced a 30 per cent drop in sales in east London. "We see no connection between that and the performances of Leyton Orient," said marketing director Nathan Bradley.

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Leyton Orient 1 Dagenham & Redbridge 1 (13-14 pens), 7/9/11

A game which... proved beyond doubt that there is a seventh circle of Hell in which the worst and most persistent sinners are forced to watch Orient play Dagenham and Redbridge in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy for all eternity. Putting aside the amusing quirk of the 14-13 penalty shoot out for the moment, this was once again a performance with all the cutting edge of a lump of tofu, not to mention one containing glaring lapses in defence and kamikaze goalkeeping. Apart from that, all good.

Moment of class... Lee Butcher's penalty, in which the stopper's confidence while taking a spot kick was diametrically opposed to his poise when he's actually between the sticks. Perhaps Slade could play him up front against Colchester, because the whole 'goalkeeping' thing isn't really working out for him.

Moment of madness... The shoot out, of course, in which 27 penalties in a row were scored before Ben Chorley's effort was saved. If there's any crumb of comfort in this godforsaken season, it's that we're not too bad at spot kicks. Could come in handy if we make the League Two play-off final next season.

Knight in shining armour... George Porter added a vague sense of urgency when he came on and did well down the right to set up Mooney's goal. No doubt he was fired up as a result of Russell Slade's rousing post-Chesterfield pep talk on the team coach.

Pantomime horse... Every Orient player was pretty much as bad as the next, though let's pick on Marc Laird for no other reason than he appears to be to the Orient midfield what Jason Orange is to Take That - you know there's probably some reason why he needs to be there, but you can't for the life of you think what it might be.

In the dug out... "Now we need five new players!" shouted a West Stand wag as Jonathan Tehoue went down injured in the second half. In reply, Russ resignedly nodded his head in agreement. I admire his honesty, but we really don't need five new players. We need eleven.

A word on the opponents... Plenty of Daggers fans came to enjoy the annual tradition of beating Orient in the Johnstone's Paint Trophy and their team did them proud with a tidy and effective performance. For home supporters, meanwhile, the experience was something akin to being tied to a chair while your irritating little brother repeatedly flicks your ear for hours on end.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Never let it be said that Jimmy Smith is not a thinker. Admittedly tweets such as "Food - bath - watch England - bed!!" demonstrate only the most limited cognitive ability, but before tonight's match the midfielder uploaded the philosophical humdinger you see on the left. Translation: Orient's midfield - like branches of a tree we all go in different directions, but we remain rooted to the bottom of the table.

Lesson for the day... Well, Orient did field a severely weakened team in a tournament that's obviously a low priority for the club. The only problem is that the severely weakened team is also our first choice XI. Yikes.

And from the darker reaches of Freeview HD...