Leyton Orient 0 MK Dons 3, 26/12/11

A game in which... it seemed apparent that the MK Dons squad had spent Christmas Day drinking protein shakes, doing one-handed press-ups and firing themselves up by watching the famous Battle of Agincourt speech from Henry V. The Orient team, meanwhile, had clearly passed the time with their heads stuck down a bumper-sized box of Quality Street while plumped on the sofa sniggering, burping and farting their way through Home Alone.

So despite a relatively bright first half in which, to be fair, Orient could have gone ahead if it wasn't for the fact that their finishing was about as clinical as an operating theatre located in a sewer, the home side fell apart in the second and allowed an impressive MK Dons side to totally dominate and record a deserved victory.

Moment of magic... Not many to choose from, but Lee Butcher did pull off an impressive reflex save with his feet in the second half, diverting a close range shot onto the underside of the crossbar. That said, moments later he was so transfixed by Adam Smith's 35-yard strike that he simply watched in wonder as it sailed into his top corner, almost as if he'd just witnessed the Star of Bethlehem in the east London sky.

Moment of madness... When Jamie Cureton found himself alone on the opposition six-yard box with the ball at his feet and no defender near him, yet still managed to skew the ball onto the post. The fact that he was actually offside is by the by - at this rate you'd get better odds on Barry Hearn revealing himself to be the real Santa Claus than 'the Orient Torres' actually getting the ball in the back of the net before the season's up.

Knight in shining armour... Terrell Forbes tends to go about his business with the quiet efficiency of a mild-mannered mortgage adviser, but seasoned Brisbane Road observers will note he's seldom put a foot wrong this season. Today, in particular, he was imperious at the back in the face of the impressive MK Dons frontline of Dean Bowditch and some fella name of Jabo.

Pantomime horse... Now, Scott Cuthbert has been in superb form in the centre of defence this season, but clearly isn't the answer at right back given that he's got all the delivery skills of a bicycle courier on acid. He's not helped by the Russell Slade's aversion to playing right midfielders in front of him but - and here's a sentence you probably thought would never exist in the whole history of time - it'll be good to have Leon McSweeney back.

In the dug out... Some slightly bemusing decisions from the big man today, not least taking off Matthew Spring to allow George Porter on, when surely Jimmy Smith was the more logical choice given that Spring was actually giving some level of control to Orient's passing, while Smith was, well, you know, running around in circles wondering whether he needed to trim his hair again tomorrow or the day after.

A word on the opposition... To keep things in perspective it should be noted that MK Dons are one of the best sides to rock up at Brisbane Road this season, and Orient did match them throughout the first half. Meanwhile, it's worth remembering that at the end of the 2007/08 season Orient replaced Jabo Ibehre with Ryan Jarvis, which is something akin to a car enthusiast trading in his Ferrari Superamerica 45 for a punctured space hopper.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Thanks to the magic of Twitter we get to discover what Orient players get up to on Christmas Day. Dean Cox was on chef duties, as we can see from this picture which, incredibly, was actually taken inside the kitchen of a doll's house. Scott Cuthbert, too (also pictured), was also cooking - either that or he's moonlighting as a cut-price stripper.

Jimmy Smith was as excitable as ever: "Family getting drunk mum is doing me head in lol have some off my water mum lol #LEGOOOOOO". George Porter, meanwhile, celebrated the festive season the only way he knows how: "They'll be some love making, heart breaking, soul shaking !!" he tweeted before settling down to watch Downtown Abbey on his own with a monster pack of Doritos.

Lesson for the day... Three, in fact. Don't let your best strikers leave! Try not to eat too many mince pies if you're a professional footballer! Right midfielders are helpful!

Leyton Orient 3 Exeter City 0, 10/12/11

A game in which... for the first hour, despite their class and endeavour, it seemed like there was more chance of Mark Wright being asked to host Question Time than Orient actually getting the ball in the net. Once Kevin Lisbie expertly dispatched his first penalty, however, it was like a huge weight had been lifted from the team's shoulders. Another huge weight entered the field in the form of super sub Jonathan Tehoue, whose goal was the catalyst to a delightful final spell of dominance over a good side in which the Os played with all the swagger of a teenage boy who's just got a snog off his older sister's best mate.

Moment of magic... The sight of the aforementioned Tehoue lumbering on to the pitch like an ageing water buffalo slowly awakening from a deep slumber. The French striker has an incredible habit of being in the right place at the right time and, as today showed, his goals from the bench are going to be invaluable as the season progresses.

Moment of madness... Jimmy Smith's point blank miss in which - after a brilliant piece of trickery by Kevin Lisbie on the right - he contrived to shoot straight at the keeper from all of three and a half inches in front of a gaping goal.

Knight in shining armour... Plenty of impressive performances today - Lisbie, McSweeney, Spring and Cuthbert for starters - but man of the match surely has to go to Stephen Dawson. The captain was such a force of energy today that if you'd wired him up he could have powered a small village in Essex.

Pantomime horse... Though he actually had a pretty decent game, the fact that Jamie Cureton - "the Orient Torres" - still hasn't found the net is something akin to Keith Richards turning up to perform at your office Christmas party, but proclaiming he 'couldn't be arsed' to bring his guitar.  

In the dug out... You'd be pretty happy as a manager if your first substitute scores with his first touch, and your second wins a penalty minutes later. Indeed, things were going so well for Russ that if he'd sent Marc Laird on the midfielder would have probably scored a jaw-dropping bicycle kick. Although, just to be on the safe side, Slade left the former Millwall man on the bench. After all, there's no point in risking throwing away a 3-0 lead in the last few minutes.

A word on the opposition... Exeter certainly didn't look like a team that should be hovering just above the relegation zone. They looked like they should be in it. Just kidding, in fact the Grecians were a tidy, effective outfit and can consider themselves unlucky not to have gone one up in the second half when only the post and a fantastic save from Lee Butcher kept the Os in it. Although I'm unclear as to why manager Paul Tisdale was dressed as if he was about to hunt bison in the Canadian wilderness.

Meanwhile on Twitter... This week George Porter took time off from bemoaning the lack of attractive women in his life - "No 10/10 girls about anymore or even like 9 or 8 too many 4's" - to enter into coversation with Debbie - aka Lydia's mum - from The Only Way Is Essex. "Why are you on Twitter? #embarrassing mums" he asked rather rudely, only to be told by Debbie that she's an Orient fan. "Am I your favourite player?" a contrite George replied, hopefully. Debbie is yet to respond.

Lesson for the day... Hey, if you play with two strikers at home you score goals!

FA Cup: Leyton Orient 3 Bromley 0, 12/11/11

A game in which... Orient did what they had to do. Assuming what they had to do was present opposition from three divisions beneath them with about 10 clear chances to score, that is. Thankfully Bromley couldn't shoot for toffee - indeed, it's unlikely the promise of even the world's finest confectionery could have incentivised them to do anything but pepper the upper reaches of the North and South Stands with goal attempts. Still, their profligacy gave the less-than-fluid Os the chance to flex their muscles in an improved second half performance and book their ticket for the second round.

Moment of magic... A driving run by the impressive Moses Odubajo in the 69th minute. His resulting shot cannoned off the post to the waiting Jimmy Smith, who had cleverly chosen to take no actual part in the game up until this point, thus leaving himself unmarked to score the rebound.

Moment of madness... When Jamie Cureton, having just seen his second-half shot cleared off the line, remonstrated with the linesman, claiming he'd actually scored. He hadn't, but the "Orient Torres" needs a goal soon or his spell at Brisbane Road is likely to be about as memorable as Davina McCall's post-Big Brother career.

Knight in shining armour... Matthew Spring had one of his better days, dictating play, actually passing to other Orient players and scoring a peach of a goal. Indeed, he looked a class above Bromley - suggesting he'd excel in the Blue Square Premier.

Pantomime horse... For his first-half performance, George Porter, who - in stark contrast to the previous week - was owned by the opposition left-back. (Let's call him 'John Smith' for the sake of not having to figure out who he is.) Though the winger redeemed himself in the second half with a blistering goal, it was a reminder that Orient can't rely on Porter alone to provide attacking impetus.

In the dug out... Things were relatively straightforward for Big Russ today, but there are tough times ahead. With Dean Cox leaving the ground on crutches - well, I say crutches, they were actually matchsticks - and apparently out for up to six weeks, the manager is going to have to figure out how to win without his arch creator.

A word on the opposition... It must have being difficult for Joe Dolan to return to Brisbane Road, the place where Junior Agogo once gave him such a roasting that kitchen staff in the Gallery had to be restrained from serving him up with some Brussels sprouts and gravy. But credit to Orient's third worst summer signing of the century - he put in a confident and effective performance and was only at fault for three of the three goals. Just kidding.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Amazing scenes this week as former Orient manager-cum-psychopath John Sitton brought his dinner to Twitter. In a series of 140-character missives the infamous ranter took his social networking sword to his predecessor Peter Eustace ("... slightly to the right of Attila the Hun and Adolf Hitler... "), politicians ("... my family was fucked by the government...") and Channel 4 ("... still furious about the imbalance..."). Tune in here for more...

Lesson for the day... It's never easy playing non-league opposition - at least in the first half before the massive fry-ups the part-time players consume on a daily basis start to weigh them down.

Leyton Orient 1 Hartlepool United 1, 5/11/11

A game in which... there were fireworks. Not metaphorical ones to describe an explosive Orient display, but actual fireworks released over the stadium by local ASBO kids. Terrell Forbes, for one, was impressed and was presumably watching the descending embers in wonder while he clumsily bundled into Andy Monkhouse to hand Hartlepool a penalty.

But let's not be too downhearted: a draw with a classy side with an impressive away record is nothing to cry about and there was a periods in the first half in which Orient looked very threatening. Ultimately though, even with the visitors down to 10 men, you'd have got better odds on Frankie Cocozza hitting a correct note in that evening's X Factor than the Os finding the back of the net.

Moment of magic... The first half moment when George Porter showed so much pace that he didn't simply leave Ritchie Humphreys for dead, but embalmed him, dressed him up in his best suit and conducted a full funeral service. The Hartlepool left-back might have more horredous days in his life, but only if he's strapped into a chair and forced to listen to Johnny Robinson singing songs from the musical Cats for 24 hours on end.

Moment of madness.... The moment when Scott Cuthbert elected to clear a ball from near the corner flag by passing it straight into the middle of his own penalty area. For the most part the former Swindon man has deputised ably for the injured Ben Chorley - same haircut for starters - but the occasional moment of calamity means Chorley's return to the centre of defence will be a welcome one.

Knight in shining armour... The hugely impressive George Porter, who's giving the side attacking intent, balance and, most of all, pace. Indeed, no one's seen such speed at Brisbane Road since Sean Thornton's post-match sprints from the dressing room to the bar.

Pantomime horse... Not the worst performance in the world, but Jamie Cureton has apparently been struck badly by the Brisbane Road virus that renders previously successful strikers totally impotent upon joining Leyton Orient. There's only one known cure for this: grow fat, take your wife's name and join Blackpool. Just ask Gary Taylor-Fletcher.

In the dug out... We've seen a massive change in tactics from Big Russ over the last few games. The manager has boldly thrown out his previous modus operandi of 'Give it to Coxy then hope for the best' in favour of a far more sophisticated 'Give it to Georgie and sometimes Coxy then hope for the best'. Let's hope it continues to pay dividends.

A word on the opposition... While the Hartlepool fans were as quiet as an Only Way Is Essex cast member at an astrophysics quiz night, their team were an impressively tidy outfit. James Poole caught the eye, and the Monkey Hangers could consider themselves unlucky not to have gone one up in the first half when the ball crossed the Orient goal line by about three metres.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Something of an Orient bromance brewing on the social network this week, as Jimmy Smith revealed on Thursday that he was "Chilling in the crib with @dean_7cox", which presumably means they were sharing a child's bed together. No problems for Coxy, of course, but surely Jimmy's legs were sticking out the end? Anyway, things heated up on Monday when George Porter tweeted a photo of the pair of them sharing a bath. Still, good luck to them. Jimmy's a pleasure-seeker after all and tonight tweeted this stirring raison d'etre: "HERE,4,A,GOOD,TIME,NOT,A,LONG,TIME,!!!" Quite.

Lesson for the day... You can't win 'em ell, and if you can't entertain on the pitch at least give the fans something to enjoy in the form of fireworks. Next week: perennial substitute Mike Cestor sets up a touchline puppet show to distract fans from a struggling performance against FA Cup minnows Bromley.

Leyton Orient 1 Wycombe Wanderers 3, 16/8/11

A game which... showed Orient fans that perhaps the pre-season dreams of the play-offs were as wildly misguided as Jedward believing they have a good chance of getting Kate Winslet home for a threesome at the next BAFTA after-party.

For all the bluster of the 30-minute spell before half-time in which Orient dominated, there really weren't many clear-cut chances and, as I recall, not a single shot on target from either striker. Then, once 3-1 down there was so little bite to Orient's fightback that the Wycombe players must have felt like they were being lightly nudged by a blancmange.

Moment of class... Just the one - Dean Cox's goal, swept in expertly from the edge of the penalty box. Tiny was the chief instigator of Orient's one bright period of the game, swarming all over the pitch like a toddler who's just downed eight pints of Sunny Delight.

Moment of madness... The moment in the second half at which Jamie Cureton, with clear sight of goal in the Wycombe penalty area, elected to instead delicately chip the ball into thin air, perhaps hoping that a freak gust of wind had more chance of putting the ball in the net than one of his Orient teammates.

Knight in shining armour... Asking who was Orient's man of the match is a bit like trying to choose your favourite member of JLS. The answer, of course, is none of them. Dawson ran around a lot, Spring was better than on Saturday and Daniels did a least look vaguely threatening on the left. But let's give it to David Mooney for at least creating a bit of impetus after coming on as a substitute.

Pantomime horse... A few candidates for this one, I'm afraid, but let's plump for Revell and Cureton, who managed to show such a lack of understanding it was like watching a conversation between Stephen Hawking and Kerry Katona.

In the dug out... "We shot ourselves in the foot," said Big Russ after the game, perhaps explaining the defending of Elliot Omozusi, who was turned inside out so many times by Wycombe's Joel Grant that he'll probably go home and find he's wearing his internal organs outside of his body.

A word on the visitors... Wycombe, driven by an impressive performance by Shameless's Frank Gallagher - sorry, Gareth Ainsworth - took their chances and closed the game down effectively. Joel Grant looked to have a bit of class about him too.

Meanwhile, on Twitter... Big news on Twitter this week: after a club directive of some sort or other, Jamie Jones, Dean Cox, Alex Revell and George Porter have packed their bags and ridden off into the social networking sunset. Thankfully no one seems to have told Elliot Omozusi, who today broke from tradition by tweeting something that almost made grammatical sense. 'Dappy! Pull it pull it pull it!' he wrote, no doubt stomping round his bedroom to N-Dubz while his mum banged on the door telling him to keep the noise down.

Lesson for the day: Let's give credit where credit is due - Orient certainly shut down the opposition's opportunities to score 30-yard screamers, a lesson learnt from the previous two games. Now all they need to do is to prevent free headers in the box and needless penalties, and the defence will be as solid as Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton's new relationship. Oh, hang on...

Leyton Orient 0 Tranmere Rovers 1, 13/8/11

A game which... was such an anti-climax for Orient fans it was like turning up to a Jay-Z gig only to find he's been replaced at the last minute by Cher Lloyd. Yes, three months of hope, excitement and anticipation all came crashing down at the hands of a Tranmere side whose away performance was so textbook it'll be probably be added to the national curriculum next year.

But Orient can only blame themselves for a second league loss, repeatedly giving the ball away in midfield and failing to convert 30 minutes or so of pressure into a goal. It's very early days, of course, but if we want to make the play-offs - like a punk getting ready for a last-minute rendezvous - we need to gel quickly.

Moment of class... A delightful bit of edge-of-the-box interplay between Dean Cox and Jamie Cureton that nearly led to a Stephen Dawson goal in the second half. The relationship between these two diminutive players could be key this season - not least so that Cox can look up to someone without the need for binoculars.

Moment of madness... The point in the first half at which Elliot Omozusi elected to pass the ball right into the path of Tranmere striker Enoch Showumni. The right back's propensity to blight otherwise classy performances with singular moments of madness is something akin to a brain surgeon who spends hours meticulously and delicately performing an operation with a scalpel, only to suddenly declare, 'Fuck it, I'm going to use a pickaxe.'

Knight in shining armour... There were enough positives in Jamie Cureton's performance - his ability to get on the end of knock ons, his intelligent build-up play - to suggest that he could break the Brisbane Road Curse that renders previously high-scoring strikers impotent.

Pantomime horse... Matthew Spring had such a stinker today that, given the size of his nose, it was a surprise he didn't asphyxiate himself. There were no shortage of similar performances last season, and there's surely a question over whether the former Charlton man is the playmaking solution in a season where we're aiming for the play-offs.

In the dug out... You'd forgive Russell Slade for thinking to himself, 'Hey, I wonder if Barnsley's players repeatedly pass the ball to the opposition?' His team didn't click today, but fair play to the manager, he wasn't shy about going for the win, bringing on two strikers and a 6ft carrot in the closing stages.

A word on the visitors... Fair play to Tranmere, they're a hard team to beat and once they went ahead successfully stifled the play. Also credit to the impunity of manager Les Parry who, after deliberately booting the ball down the wrong end of the pitch in a time-wasting bid, claimed to the fourth official that it had simply accidentally spooned off his ankle. You're not Adrien Patulea, Les.

Meanwhile, on Twitter... 'At home bumping this new margz on a hype ting' said Elliot Omozusi - @elliot_nuts - ahead of the day's game, which presumably means he was accidentally colliding with furniture in an excitable manner. Surely a bit of light exercise would have been better preparation?

Lesson for the day: Since Orient are clearly susceptible to 35-yard screamers, perhaps it might be pertinent to try playing the entire defence in midfield against Wycombe to cut down their opportunities to score? Where's Donny Barnard when you need him?

Leyton Orient's 10 worst summer signings of the century

Orient, it's fair to say, have a pretty mixed record in the summer transfer market. Sometimes we'll sign a player who turns out to be dud, while at other times we'll sign a player who turns out to be a dud, but then miraculously goes on to play in the Premier League.

And before you start complaining, this is about performances in an Orient shirt, rather than the quality of the player over the course of their career.

Here, then, after literally seconds of painstaking research, is my top 10 worst summer signings of the century...

10. Lee Thorpe (signed summer 2002)

The theory: The summer of 2002 was the chance for new manager Paul Brush to throw off the shackles of the Tommy Taylor era, to begin a brave new world at Brisbane Road, to bring pride back to Leyton Orient. But instead of all that he signed Lee Thorpe.
The reality: While the ex-Lincoln man was definitely the more effective of his occasional strike partnership with Gary Taylor-Fletcher, that is essentially like claiming that Paris Hilton is an intellectual giant when compared to a lamppost.
Where is he now? After floating around League Two for a number of years, Thorpe made 20 appearances for Evo-Stik Division One North side AFC Fylde, before retiring from football in December 2011 to concentrate on coaching.

9. Alan White (2004)

The theory: Martin Ling's first full season in charge of Orient found him trying to shore up a defence that had shipped 65 league goals during the previous campaign. Key to this was ex-Colchester United centre back Alan White.
The reality: White helped Ling's Orient ship 67 league goals over the course of the season.
Where is he now? After a few seasons of League Two kick and rush for various clubs including Notts County and Darlington, White signed for Blyth Spartans in the Conference North in 2011 and scored an own goal on his debut. Was transferred to fellow Conference North outfit Harrogate Town in 2012 and turned out a handful of times for them last season.

8. Adrian Patulea (2009)

The theory: "Adrian Patulea is an out-and-out goal scorer," said manager Geraint Williams on signing the Romanian from Lincoln City in 2009. "He just loves being in and around the 18-yard box."
The reality: Adrian certainly did love being in and around the 18-yard box and could regularly be seen there during the substitutes' half-time kickabouts. When actually involved in a game, Patulea - who laboured under the nickname Dracula - was about as useful as a vegetarian buffet to a vampire.
Where is he now? After failing to impress at Hereford United, Adrian returned to his native Romania in August 2011 to play for second tier side FC Farul Constanta, before joining CSMS Lasi - apparently a football club and not, as the name suggests, the Romanian police force's special dog unit.

7. Aaron Brown (2010)

The theory: For his first full season in charge, boss Russell Slade needed to shore up a back line that had nearly got Orient relegated. Eschewing the Brisbane Road tradition of signing defenders under 5ft 6in, he plumped for promising Aldershot big lad Aaron Brown.
The reality: Brown spent the majority of the season on the bench, occasionally lumbering inanely up the touchline like a school kid with a growth spurt who's not allowed to play with the other boys in case he breaks them. On the pitch, he almost single-handedly lost Orient's FA Cup tie against non-league Droylsden.
Where is he now? Aaron returned to Aldershot for the 2011/12 season, where he played 10 games before, presumably in a case of mistaken identity, he was snapped up by Graham Westley's Preston. Although playing four games for the Lilywhites - including one as striker! - he was released as the end of the season and joined Maltese side Floriana, who didn't bother to pay him. Joined Irish side Limerick in March 2013.


6. Jamie Cureton (2011)

The theory: Despite scoring 18 goals in the 2010/11 season, 37-year-old Scott McGleish was released on account of his ageing joints. Russell Slade presumably wanted a sprightly youngster to lead his attack, so he signed 35-year-old Jamie Cureton.
The reality: Orient's new tactics for that season of playing 4-4-FUCKING LUMP IT hardly suited a proven goal poacher like Cureton. That said, on the rare occasions the former Exeter man did find himself with the ball at his feet in front of goal he showed all the prowess of a stage-frightened eight-year-old asked to deliver the Battle of Agincourt speech from Shakespeare's Henry V. He scored one meaningless goal in 19 meaningless appearances.
Where is he now? About to start banging them in for Cheltenham Town in League Two, having netted 15 times for Exeter City in 2012/13.

5. Michael Symes (2012)

The theory: Perceiving that League One had become a lot more physical, Russell Slade wanted to bring in some strength up front.
The reality: Symes had strength, it was just all the other skills required of a professional footballer that were missing. Imagine going out to buy an iPad and coming back with an abacus. Symes was that abacus, and you could count on him to be 15 yards off the pace, lumbering round the pitch like an overweight hippopotamus woozily trying to shake off the effects of a tranquiliser dart.
Where is he now? Back at Brisbane Road after a loan spell at Burton Albion and desperate to show what he can do. Which is apparently putting 37 doughnuts in his mouth at the same time.

4. James Scowcroft (2009)

The theory: "He's clever, he can lead the line really well for us," said manager Geraint Williams of his new signing James Scowcroft in the summer of 2009. Williams wanted a striker with experience, and there was no denying that the former Crystal Palace man had pedigree.
The reality: Scowcroft had pedigree, but apparently it was Pedigree Chum. Or at least something was weighing him down. Zero goals in 26 appearances tells its own story.
Where is he now? After a brief spell at Ryman Premier League outfit Bury Town on a pay to play deal - he paid them, presumably - Scowcroft retired from football. Now coaches at Ipswich Town and writes for The Independent.

3. Joe Dolan (2005)

The theory: Martin Ling set to put right his frankly abysmal record of signing centre backs with the capture of 6ft 4in Joe Dolan in 2005. A former Chelsea trainee and fixture in the Millwall defence, what could possibly go wrong?
The reality: What could possibly go right? This hulking mass of walking ineptitude made only two first team appearances, the second of which found him in a battle with Bristol Rovers' Junior Agogo that was so painfully mismatched it was like watching Vladimir Klitschko go 12 rounds with Dale Winton.
Where is he now? Joe has played for 12 clubs since leaving Orient, mostly in the Conference South. He returned to Brisbane Road last season with Bromley for an FA Cup match, then went on to play for Havant & Waterlooville, scoring an injury-time winner that saved them from relegation in their last game of the 2011/12 season. They rewarded him by not renewing his contract, and he's since retired from playing. Now Head of Education at Crystal Palace Football Club. (Insert your own joke here.)

2. Clayton Fortune (2006)

The theory: Orient had just been promoted to League One, had lost Gabriel Zakuani to Fulham and were relying on the creaking legs of John Mackie at the back. Help was needed, and Martin Ling deemed that that help was going to come from Port Vale man Clayton Fortune.
The reality: Even now Orient fans still scratch their head in bemusement over Clayton Fortune. Did Ling actually intend to sign his cousin Jonathan Fortune? Was he being filmed for a Channel 4 Faking It documentary? Was the whole thing a dream? Over the two years that Fortune was one of Orient's highest paid players he turned out a grand total of 10 times, each and every one a pantomime horse display of comedy defending.
Where is he now? Played for Weston-super-Mare in the Conference South before making seven appearances for Aldershot in 2010/11. Retired from football and now describes himself as "Agent. Coach. Retail Supervisor." Presumably working in JD Sports, then.

1. Gary Taylor-Fletcher (2001)

The theory: When manager Tommy Taylor saw Gary Fletcher (as he was then) turn out for Northwich Victoria against the Os in the 2000/01 FA Cup he presumably thought to himself, "One day that boy's going to play in the Premier League." £50,000 later and the striker was turning out in an Orient shirt.
The reality: While Tommy Taylor spent 2010/11 admiring Taylor-Fletcher on Match Of The Day and getting a tattoo proclaiming 'I told you so' on his forehead, Orient fans can only shudder at the memory of two seasons of crimes against football so ghastly that even Hannibal Lecter might have thought them a bit excessive.
Where is he now? Regularly rubbing Orient fans' faces in the dirt while playing for Blackpool.