Leyton Orient 2 Oxford United 2, 17/10/15

A game in which... Orient's first half performance wasn't just dire, it was a stain on the whole of human history, like the Crusades, the Black Death or Amanda Holden. In fact, it was worse than that: it was a display of Fabio Liverani-esque ineptitude. That the Os rallied in the second half, showed some fight and came away with a point should be commended, but let that not paper over the cracks. Seven points from our last eight games is relegation form.

Jump off your seat moment... A first senior goal for youngster Scott Kashket, who was just a twinkle in his father's eye when Orient last played Oxford in League Two, nine years ago. He won the man of the match award in the Supporters Club too – quite something given he was only on the pitch for 43 seconds – and was soaked in Champagne by Mr Becchetti for his troubles. What's the president going to do if Kashket actually wins us a match one day – piss on him?

Give that man a medal... Ollie Palmer continues to confound. Put him in the starting line up and he trudges up and down like an ageing donkey giving sporadic rides to doleful toddlers in a faded seaside town. Bring him on at half time – as Ian Hendon did today – and he's a thoroughbred racehorse, all rippling muscles and lustrous hair. What I'm saying here by way of equestrian analogy is that he won a lot of headers and generally managed to point them in the right direction.

Taxi for... Plenty of candidates for this one today, including woeful performances from Dean Cox and Blair Turgott, but let's instead point the finger of shame at Mathieu Baudry. Today, not content with just a bandage on his head, he also added a Petr Cech-style protector. Next week he'll also include a sombrero and by the end of the season will play each game in the guise of an overloaded hatstand at a low-rent department store. I say this because presumably all this headgear is obscuring his vision: why else would have he simply planted the ball in front of Kemar Roofe for Oxford's first goal, then randomly scattergunned the ball around for the rest of the match?

In the dugout... Imagine this: you've gone into hospital for a routine wisdom teeth removal
operation, and during it the surgeon inadvertently severs your jugular vein, but then just about manages to sew it up again before you die from massive blood loss. Would you praise him for saving your life, or chastise him for almost killing you in the first place? Today Ian Hendon was that surgeon, making a catastrophic error in his team selection (4-4-2 but with no Payne or James?!) but then atoning for his error with some bold half-time substitutions.

Meanwhile on Twitter... When he's not spraying people with Champagne or allegedly laundering money through failed Albanian hydro-electric schemes, what does our esteemed president get up to? That's right, he leers out of car windows like a maniac – or, as TLC might say, hangs out the passenger side of his best friend's ride, trying to holler at Orient fan Billy Herring.

Leyton Orient 3 Notts County 1, 3/10/15

A game in which... the entire Orient team remained locked in the dressing room for a full 30 minutes of the second half. And while Andy Hessenthaler tried unsuccessfully to pick the lock with his credit card ("Leave this to me lads, I saw it in a film") and Connor Essam sat in the corner weeping like a baby ("My sisters used to barricade me in a cupboard, ok") Notts County simply waltzed around the pitch unencumbered by opposition players.

Thankfully they only managed to score once during that time, and when Orient eventually broke free from their temporary prison, a poacher's effort from Jay Simpson and a belter from Sammy Moore allowed them to take all three points. A win – hurrah! – and a just-about deserved one after an impressive first half.

Jump off your seat moment... Only one candidate here: that's right, the moment when Ian Hendon killed a plummeting ball stone dead on the touchline almost if he didn't used to be a lower league journeyman. Just kidding, of course we must hail Sammy Moore's wonder-goal, a shot that dipped and swerved so much it was almost if he just booted it and got lucky. Jesus, just kidding again.

Sammy Moore in action today 

Give that man a medal... Sammy Moore. Because aside from his thunder-strike, he also volleyed in a sublime Bradley Pritchard dink – yeah, you heard – and put in a performance so industrious that Jeremy Corbyn is currently trying to renationalise it.

Taxi for... It was an improved performance from Ollie Palmer after Tuesday's catastrophe, but the big striker still left fans scratching their heads – and not just because there's been an outbreak of nits at Brisbane Road in the last week after resident practical joker Paul McCallum hid everyone's shampoo in Alessandro Angelieri's in-tray. Palmer's a decent player, for sure, but he needs to start putting away some of his chances or he'll soon be replaced by... Oh, hang on, there isn't anyone.

In the dug out... With the squad at its current size, it's little surprise that Ian Hendon's tactics are to simply play the 11 senior players he has available to him in a diamond formation and then bring on Blair Turgott with 30 minutes to go. (Notts County, by contrast, have about 96 players available for selection.) With the loanee additions that the manager promises are coming this week, he should be able to radically shake things up. Expect, for example, Blair Turgott to sometimes come on with just 25 minutes to go next time.

Mathieu Baudry in action today 

Meanwhile on Twitter... "No footballer has ever loved a head bandage as much as Mathieu Baudry,"tweeted fan James McMahon today in response to the fact that the French defender ended up swathed like an Egyptian mummy for the 476th game in succession. His latest head injury is so bad it requires plastic surgery, prompting a sympathetic tweet from Aussie larrikin Alex Cisak: "It's not like his looks can get any worse!" What a drongo.

Leyton Orient 1 Carlisle United 2, 29/9/15

A game in which... the cracks in Leyton Orient became deep ravines, much in the way Andy
Hessenthaler's face has evolved over the years. For what might have previously been described as minor wobble has now become evidence that much more needs to be done if we're going to get out of this division.

Yes, yes we had loads of chances – approximately 478 in the first 15 minutes of the second half – but if you don't score them and then give away stupid goals it's futile to bemoan our luck. Especially for five games in a row. Jay Simpson is going to have off days, and Dean Cox can't score a wonder goal every week, so someone needs to figure out some other ways for Orient to win.

Jump off your seat moment... The moment when Andy Hessenthaler quite literally did jump off his seat in an apparent effort to play peacemaker in a mild verbal clash between Ian Hendon and Keith Curle. Turns out Orient's assistant boss is the world's worst peacemaker as his method of arbitration involved massively inflaming the situation then getting sent off. Next week: Hessenthaler attempts to reunite the Labour Party by punching Jeremy Corbyn and Liz Kendall in the face.

Give that man a medal... Poor Mathieu Baudry. Playing in League Two, he must feel like a sophisticated French epicurean forced to eat in an Aberdeen Angus Steak House every week. Against Carlisle tonight the centre back avoided metaphorically vomiting all over pitch (Connor Essam did that for him) and instead repeatedly chewed up and spat out the opposition attack. Nice goal too.

Taxi for... Is Ollie Palmer the new Shaun Batt / Jonathan Tehoué? By this I don't mean "Can he DJ?" or "Could he down a KFC Family Bucket in one gulp?", but rather: Is he a player that can only create impact off the bench? Because after a game-changing substitute appearance against Wycombe Wanderers, the big striker hasn't done much in his two subsequent starts, and tonight missed a couple of fairly presentable chances.

In the dug out... To diamond or not to diamond, that isn't the question according to Ian Hendon, who said after the game: "Don't talk to me about formations, pal, I got formations coming out of my arse. What we need is the rub of the green, and by that I mean I'm simply hoping that if I keep doing exactly the same thing over and over again then we might get lucky at some point. What's that expression about even a broken clock being correct twice a day? Well, I only need it to be correct once or sometimes twice a week, so we should be fine I think." I'm paraphrasing a bit here, obviously.

Meanwhile on Twitter... "Honeymoon period is over" tweeted fan BenLOFC after the match, quite correctly, though I'd suggest that if Orient's current form is a figurative post-wedding holiday then it is one in which the bride has run off with a local barman, the groom has third-degree sunburn and Olly Murs is the headline act at the hotel's cabaret night. On a more serious note, Orient clearly need more depth in their squad. I'd venture another striker, a more experienced left-back, and an additional winger. Think we're ok for central midfielders for the time being though...

Cambridge United 1 Leyton Orient 1, 12/9/15

"I think they're giant cats, Maureen" 

A game in which... Leyton Orient's urban-dwelling fans were utterly bemused by the sight of a herd of cows outside of Cambridge's Abbey Stadium. Were they giants cats? Radioactive guinea pigs? And why was a bloke who looked suspiciously like David Mooney trying and failing to hit them on the arse with a banjo?

While this confusion reigned, a football match broke out – to some extent anyway. Orient dominated for certain periods and probably should've scored more, but without the benched Dean Cox the quality of the final ball was noticeably lacking. A point away from home is never a disaster, but it's fair to say this wasn't a game that'll live long in the... what was I saying again?

Jump off your seat moment... The exquisite, floated pass from Mathieu Baudry – performed totally blindfolded – that put Jay Simpson through to score Orient's equaliser. Worth mentioning too how well the Frenchman and Connor Essam are complementing each other in central defence: Baudry the footballing equivalent of an evening of foie gras, Châteauneuf-du-Pape and a discourse on the merits of Descartes; Essam more 14 pints of Fosters, a curry and a visit to A&E.

Give that man a medal... Bradley Pritchard is apparently going to play every single second of every single Orient match until the end of time. But at the moment that is no bad thing for the midfielder is proving the value of having someone run around a lot and play very short passes to nearby team mates. Once again the former Charlton man was instrumental in much of the Os' more forthright football.

Frazer Shaw 

Taxi for... So far he's been excellent but today wasn't the best day for Frazer Shaw. Once past the halfway line, the left back's powers seemed to drain from him, like Superman faced with Kryptonite; Indiana Jones in a pit of snakes; or Francesco Becchetti in the company of an Albanian law-enforcer. The fine young player that he is, Shaw will come good again though.

In the dug out... With Coxy carrying a knock, Ian Hendon reverted to a formation often favoured by Fabio Liverani: the four central midfielder classic. Where the current manager differed from his predecessor is that a) he didn't also select four central defenders b) he's not insane. And while fans might liked to have seen Blair Turgott given more time on the pitch, the fact we're still sitting on top of the league table suggests Hendon does still have some idea what he's doing.

Meanwhile in the press room... Robbie Simpson cupcakes! I kid you not, and Orient commentator Dave Victor had the photographic evidence to prove it. They reportedly came in two flavours: mediocrity and despair, and fell to pieces as soon as they got anywhere near your mouth. *taps microphone* *winks*

Leyton Orient 1 Bristol City 3, 3/3/15

Leyton Orient

A game which... left fans feeling both sorry for and proud of Leyton Orient, much in the way you may have patronisingly cheered on Eric the Eel in the Sydney Olympics. Yep, it was always going to be difficult for the Os to overcome a rampant, high-flying Bristol City but, hey, at least they didn't drown.

In fact, the home side did even better than that, fashioning the better of the chances and at times dominating play. But – surprise, surprise – Orient were hoisted on the petard of their own inability to defend properly for 90 unbroken minutes. Still, if we play like that against teams less clinical than the Robins then there's still a chance we won't be the ones left flailing round in the relegation zone while everyone else races to the finishing line.

Jump off your seat moment... Have you ever seen a giraffe try to tap dance? Or a sea-lion do the splits? Or a lamppost attempt a pirouette? Well, never mind, because if you were at Brisbane Road you would have seen Gianvito Plasmati perfectly execute a bicycle kick and for that you are truly, truly blessed.

Give that man a medal... If Jobi McAnuff's post-injury return to the side in 2015 was a film, it would be The Godfather Part II – a sequel far superior to the original. That said, McAnuff's early season performances were hardly The Godfather, were they? More like Run For Your Wife starring Danny Dyer, Denise Van Outen and the blonde one from Girls Aloud. What I'm trying to say here is McAnuff was good again tonight. And earlier this season he was shit.

Taxi for... Oh Mathieu Baudry. So elegant, so handsome, so cultured... so prone to momentary lapses in concentration that lead directly to opposition goals. The Frenchman almost opened up an alternate timeline of doom when he messily gave away a penalty against Oldham, and tonight his errors – once in failing to shepherd the ball out and once in giving away a pointless foul – gave Bristol two opportunities to score. Cuthbert back in central defence next week anyone?

"Fuck the technical shit"... So, everyone likes Fabio Liverani now that he made a couple of mild jokes at the Meet The Manager night? Christ, you lot are fickle. But, to be fair to the Italian, he does now seem to have figured out who his players are and what position they're actually supposed to play in. What do you mean that's a minimum requirement for a football manager? There's no pleasing some people.

Meanwhile on Twitter... A touching thank you tweet to Andrea Dossena from Orient fan Jan, who received a bunch of flowers from the suave Italian to say sorry for nearly killing her with a miscued shot. Imagine if Adrian Patulea had offered similar sentiments every time he skewed one into the crowd – he'd have had to buy a stake in Interflora.

Leyton Orient 2 Coventry City 2, 1/11/14

A game in which... it became apparent that there must be some sort of hoodoo upon Brisbane Road that prevents Orient from ever winning a home game. Perhaps the stadium was erected upon an ancient Indian burial ground and the Gods are displeased? Perhaps a terrible tragedy unfolded on the land in medieval times? Or perhaps the reasons are less the plot of a Stephen King novel and more that we're, well, just a bit shit?

Sigh. In truth there were further signs of improvement. In the first half Orient dominated possession, though only had one shot off target to show for it. In the second the team showed admirable spirit and bluster to come back from behind to lead 2-1, only to blow it at the death. Still, I think better things are to come from this squad, although (KLAXON! I'm about to run with the Stephen King analogies here) expect more Misery before they're really Shining.

Nathan Clarke 

Jump off your seat moment... Two actually. The first a jaw-dropping slide tackle from Mathieu Baudry in the first half that swept the ball away from Coventry's Gary Madine just as he was about to puncture the Orient net. The second a Benny Hill-esque combination of misjudgment and slip from Nathan Clarke that led to the visitors' first goal. I use these two contrasting incidents to illustrate a point: we still have very classy defenders in our squad, and if they can somehow eradicate the momentary lapses then we may have a foundation for climbing the table.

Give that man a medal... And talking of the defence, what a man Scott Cuthbert is. Whether crunching into tackles on the touchline, rising majestically like Ben Nevis to head Orient into the lead or growing a thick beard 20 minutes before the start of today's game simply through the power he has over his own testosterone, the Scotsman will be fundamental to the success or otherwise of the rest of this season.

Taxi for... Were it not for the fact that Jobi McAnuff bucked his ideas up for a 15-minute spell in the second half by God he would be feeling the full force of one of my metaphors likening him to a widely-mocked X-Factor contestant. As it is, the fact that he does momentarily display flashes of the class that you'd expect of a one-time Premier League captain makes it even more bewildering that the winger is offering so little in an Orient shirt.

"Fuck the technical shit"... Mauro Milanese showed that he truly appreciated the long tradition of Orient managers by sending out his players in 4-4-2 formation and hoping for the best. To be fair to him he's got the team trying to play more football along the floor – albeit at the moment mostly in a quadrangle between the defence and the goalkeeper – and he appears to have instilled a bit more passion into them. What a shame, then, that if his side lose to Oldham next week then he's likely to be replaced by, oh I don't know, Ada Martin the kit man in Francisco Becchetti's ever-patient search for stability and success.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Hey, what's this: a message from ex-Orient keeper Jamie Jones to fans of the club that paid his wages for six years and gave him the opportunity to make a career in professional football. A heartfelt vote of thanks? A stirring statement of support? Erm, no, this actually: "Another home win for you today? O wait... No it wasn't. Enjoy your relegation battle." I leave it to fan Edina to summarise the general reaction to this far more eloquently than I could: "What a muggy little c**t."

A guide to Leyton Orient players on Twitter 2014/15

Do you ever wonder what goes on in a footballer's mind? No, of course you don't, because these days the contents of footballers' minds are sprayed onto Twitter in an indiscriminate stream of consciousness. Here I delve into the brains of Leyton Orient's top tweeters...  

Legzdins: "euphoric" 

Adam Legzdins @AdamLegzdins

What does Adam's Twitter feed tell us? That he likes David Brent, the weather and that if he didn't have the minor inconvenience of being a professional footballer he'd spend all summer wearing oversized sunglasses and gurning at the sunrise outside various Ibiza clubs. "Eric Prydz once again giving me that euphoric feeling" he wrote in July, presumably mashed off his head on Red Bull and plant food.

Key moment: "Selfies go against everything that teamhandsome stands for due to our understanding for such folk who aren't so facially blessed" tweeted Adam recently, with brazen disregard for the hundreds of selfies he'd already posted. The new Jimmy Smith? Absolutely not. Adam has a healthy sense of irony. Smith thought irony was a brand of bodybuilding supplements.

Battman: oily 

Shaun Batt @BATTman_14

What does Shaun's Twitter feed tell us? That between DJ-ing, being photographed in his pants and wearing socks/shorts combos to festivals it's a wonder he has time to fit in the 20 minutes of football he is afforded by Russell Slade each week.

Key moment: "I went and got extremely drunk as my season is now over what do you want me to do sit at home crying into my pillow??" wrote Shaun after the play-off final defeat - not unreasonably - while skulling his 48th Jäger-bomb.

Lloyd James @LloydJames23

What does Lloyd's Twitter feed tell us? That, when he's not "doing bantz" with his team mates over their golfing abilities, he's drooling with pleasure over the placement of power outlets: "Best thing in a hotel is when there is a plug socket nex to the bed!!" he tweeted ecstatically last year. Next: Lloyd weeps with joy when he discovers his fridge light turns off when he shuts the door.

Key moment: "Just wen it couldn't get worse" tweeted Lloyd two days after the play-off final, leading fans to assume that the club had not offered him a new contract. Luckily the Welshman put our minds at rest with this: "Sorry I should of made my tweet more Pacific it's not football related". Still, anyone who pulls him up on his grammatical error is just being Atlantic. Sorry, I mean pedantic.

Cuthbert: angry

Scott Cuthbert @ScottCuthbert15

What does Scott's Twitter feed tell us? That if you think the Scotsman is hard on the pitch, that's nothing compared to the stone-cold terror with which he reigns social media. "Could you keep all the 'love of my life' and 'love you so much baby' chat down to a minimum," he raged recently, "nearly thrown up in my wheetabix twice."

Key moment: During Children In Need last year Jamie Jones - with admirable intentions - said he'd donate £1 for every retweet he got. Minutes and multiple retweets later he backtracked and tweeted "£1,000 limit reached". Cuthbert was straight on his case, writing: "I will give @jamiejones1 £1 for every retweet this gets, poor guys skint" and then following it up seconds later with: "Sorry my £1 limit has been reached, thanks for the retweets." Lolz.

Marvin Bartley @dothebartman1

What does Marvin's Twitter feed tell us? That if you're interested in detailed regular traffic updates from the Reading area, then Marvin is the man to follow. "The workmen who left the traffic cones out on the A329 need their heads testing! #HugeCockUp" is the sort of thing you can expect. The fun never starts.

Key moment: "People who drive in the middle lane when no cars to their left seriously annoy me! #MostlyWomenDrivers lol" wrote Marvin in April, almost as if he was a struggling stand-up comedian from the 1970s.

Dean Cox @Dean_7Cox

What does Dean's Twitter feed tell us? Everything, pretty much, because Tiny is Orient's most prolific tweeter and a man unafraid to reveal the most intimate details of his life. Want to see a photo of Coxy mowing the lawn? You got it! How about Coxy having a massage? You got that too! What next, Coxy and his fiancee wearing matching animal-themed onesies? Yep, that too...

Key moment: "Walking round the house like I have shit myself this morning." Okay...

Mathieu Baudry @MathBaudry5

What does Mathieu's Twitter feed tell us? That the Frenchman is Orient's philospher-in-residence: "It's not whether you get knocked down, it's whether you get up," he tweeted after the play-off final. A quote from Descartes? Sartre? Chumbawumba? No, American football coach Vince Lombardi actually. But Mathieu is certainly prone to his own moments of existential angst: "Football is shit sometimes" he mourned wistfully in April, presumably shortly after Robbie Simpson's loan deal was extended.

Key moment: "3days before miami!! Any tips of what to do or see there?" tweeted Mathieu earnestly before his American holiday last year. Fellow countryman Romain Vincelot had some blunt advice: "Please go there and stay there" to which Mathieu responded simply "haha u french twat". Touché.

Play-off final: Leyton Orient 2 Rotherham United 2, 25/5/14

And so it all came down to the last kick of a ball. A season in which Orient defied odds, broke records, exceeded expectations, battled adversity and made new friends all hinged on Chris Dagnall's final spot kick.

The lifetime Orient fan in me knew he'd miss. Typical Orient, right? Two-nil up at half-time and we fucked it up. Typical Orient.

But maybe not. There was something different about this season. I sensed it first when Kevin Lisbie scored the late, late winner against Port Vale in September to preserve the winning run at the start of the campaign. The way the players, the crowd celebrated... It mattered more than usual, somehow.

The feeling built throughout the season. Coming from behind to win impressively away at Peterborough and Swindon. Grinding out four wins in a row in a bitter January. Winning the play-off semi-final on an electric night at Brisbane Road.

We had momentum, desire, a tight unit of talented, gutsy players. So when Dagnall stepped up to take that final penalty, though the lifetime Orient fan in me knew he'd miss, the deeply proud Orient fan of this season actually thought he'd score...

Play the game, not the occasion

The day didn't start that well. They say "play the game, not the occasion" and Orient did just that. Unfortunately the game they were playing appeared to be called "Let's spoon the ball into touch".

Orient celebrate Odubajo's goal

They settled down soon enough, mind - helped by Moses Odubajo's stunning goal. The celebration that followed was a strange one, as the Os players seemed to simultaneously congratulate the winger while admonishing him for taking his shirt off, much like a reluctantly aroused mother-of-the-bride forced to watch the Chippendales at her daughter's hen party.

Dean Cox's goal meant we went into half-time 2-0 up, and while no one who's watched Orient for more than three seconds of their life thought it was game over, the evidence of this season suggested this wonderful team would be able to see out a victory.

Revelling in it

It had to be, didn't it? 

But then there was Alex Revell. It had to be. Two goals for the former Orient favourite illustrated that in Rotherham, Orient had met their match.

Because ask any Millers fan the reasons behind their team's success this season and they'll tell you about their players' never-say-die attitude, their team spirit... Sound familiar? Yes, unfortunately this group never gives up either. (Though the £30 million of investment over the last five years probably helped too. Sour grapes? Don't mind if I do...)

With the scores level it was Orient who looked like they were trying to win the game (and with our penalty record this season, they had no choice) and Rotherham who were trying not to lose.

Twelve yards of heartbreak

And so it was penalties. We're shit at penalties. Though to be fair James, Lundstrum and Clarke all dispatched theirs with confidence and class. Two of Rotherham's spot kicks were what I like to call "coward's penalties" (straight down the middle) and Jamie Jones gave us temporary hope that Orient would prevail with one stunning save.

But, of course, it was not to be. No blame can be attached to Baudry and Dagnall. We would not have even been in the play-off final were it not for those two fine players.

Not so typical

So it hurts. It hurts real bad. I do not think I will ever get over this. Ever.

But let's remember that Orient have no monopoly on footballing heartbreak. Anyone who supports a club other than the handful in the world who can afford to be repeatedly successful will tell you that.

Are Orient fans feeling any worse than Brentford fans did at the same point last year? Any worse than the Peterborough fans who saw their team get relegated last season with record points? Probably not.

The boys of 05/06

In fact, there's no such thing as "typical Orient" - not really. And what I loved about yesterday and what I love about Orient are the untypical things. John Mackie, captain of the promotion-winning side of 2005/06 (nothing "typical" about that game at Oxford), galvanising his former team mates via Twitter to come and support their 2013/14 counterparts at Wembley.

Mathieu Baudry, after missing a crucial penalty, joining fans at the pub after the game to apologise and commiserate with them.

The almost 100 per cent lack of post-match recriminations from fans on Twitter and instead a groundswell of pride, honour and love for a team - heroes to a man - that has provided us with so many moments to savour in this wonderful season.

Yeah, it's shit that we're in League One again next season. This squad might get broken up. The manager might leave. We may never got a shot at the Championship like this one again.

But, you know, I wouldn't swap one second of it. Not one second. Apart from the one where Dagnall missed I suppose...

Play-off semi-final: Peterborough United 1 Leyton Orient 1, 10/5/14

Peterborough prepare their pitch for today's game

A game in which... Peterborough did everything they could to stop Orient - ploughing their own pitch with an industrial-sized bulldozer, for example. Yes, this first leg proved exactly why the Os are in the play-offs as they took the game to the expensively-assembled home side and really should have come away with more than a draw.

The consequences of failing to win when dominant will become clear on Tuesday, but what's not in doubt is that this is a team burning with belief, desire and commitment.

Moment of magic... The moment in the second half when Mathieu Baudry, after riding a couple of tackles, began to stride majestically up the pitch like a returning French war hero leading a victory parade up the Champs-Elysees before spending the night in an expensive bordel. The move ultimately came to nothing, but it epitomised an epic performance from the central defender.

Moment of madness... The moment Kevin Lisbie - who, incidentally put in an awesome shift that belied his 56 years of age - found the ball popping up to him in front of goal in the first half. It was one of those at a height that makes a striker think "Should I volley it or head it?", although inexplicably Lis choose neither and instead opted for belly-flopping towards the ball like a fat kid trying to impress his classmates at the local swimming pool. It didn't work.

Top gun... Particularly excellent performances from Cuthbert, Baudry and (in the second half) Vincelot, but man of the match has to go to Moses Odubajo for a) a driving, penetrative 45 minutes down the right flank after half-time and b) somehow resisting the weight of Orient's entire history and not spooning his shot at an open goal over the bar.

Not quite so top gun... By his standards, John Lundstram had a disappointing game. At one point in the first half he gave away the ball four times in quick succession, the only explanation being that since he's been on loan so many times he literally forgot what team he was playing for. Either that or he was temporarily possessed by the ghost of Paul Terry.

In the dug out... You have to hand it to Russell, this season he's shown that he's not afraid to experiment when it comes to making substitutions. For example, sometimes he's brought Shaun Batt on with 20 minutes to go, and sometimes he's brought Shaun Batt on with 19 minutes to go. Today the manager went renegade, ripped up the rule book and brought Shaun Batt on with 21 minutes to go. It worked, mind, and the big striker was instrumental in Orient's equalising goal.

Orient's player budget for 2013/14

View from the opposition...  "Why does everyone think we come from money?" moaned the one-joke wind-up merchant
Secret Posh Fan, apparently without irony. "We spent just under £2 million on players this year." Yeah, we spent just under £2 on players this year, mate - and that was for a couple of packs of party poppers and a Twix to help the team celebrate securing a play-off place.

Tweet of the week... "Strange day today. No Prem games and no academy fixtures to watch," tweeted former Stoke City benchwarmer Michael Owen this morning, almost as if he had literally no idea that football existed beneath the Premier League. Next Tuesday: Michael expresses surprise when Sky Sports televises Leyton Orient v Peterborough: "Enjoying the Kabbadi from east London on TV tonight. In many ways, it seems to be a similar game to football."

Ready for the second leg? Read James Masters and me running the rule over the relative merits of Orient and Peterborough 

Crawley Town 2 Leyton Orient 1, 18/4/14

A game in which... it was proved that in millions of years' time, as the dying embers of the sun throw their last feint light on our doomed planet, an Orient team of the future will still be losing to Crawley. Yep, it's played four, lost four against this glorified Conference side and, to be honest, Orient aren't likely to beat anyone in this sort of form. Except Gillingham, obviously.

Let's keep things in perspective: we're in the play-offs (yay!) and it's certain that there Orient will not put in the sort of tired, lacklustre performance they did at the Checktrade.com stadium. But one win in seven is a worrying statistic and by the time 10 May comes around this marvellous group of players will need to find some extra reserves of energy to try to get us over the final hurdle.

Moment of magic... Shaun Batt's brilliant, heavily-disguised dummy in the dying seconds which, to anyone who's watched more than seven seconds of football in their entire life, might have looked like a jaw-droppingly embarrassing air kick but in fact was a ploy that allowed the ball to run through to an unmarked David Mooney. Probably.

Moment of madness... Crawley's second goal, in which Adam Drury was afforded so much space and time in the Orient penalty area it's a wonder he didn't pop to the local shops and back to get a few things in for the Bank Holiday weekend while he was waiting for the ball to plop on to his head.

Top gun... Selecting a man of the match is a tough one, as this was a performance of collective mediocrity. Let's give it to Jamie Ness, then, purely on the basis that in only being on the pitch for a few minutes, he had less opportunity to give the ball away than the rest of the team. Still managed it a couple of times though, to be fair.

Mathieu Baudry

Little donkey... Oh Mathieu Baudry. Whereas usually the Frenchman dismisses the advances of League One strikers with nothing more than a slight drop of the shoulder and an inquisitively-raised eyebrow, today his performance stunk like a rotting block of Camembert. One pass in particular - straight to an onrushing Crawley attacker (don't know which, so let's pretend it was Gary Alexander) - was the poorest example of French decision-making since Napoleon Bonaparte announced "I reckon we can take Waterloo" in 1815.

In the dug out... "We still pushed them all the way," said Russell Slade after the game which, even if true, is a somewhat underwhelming ambition for a team challenging for promotion playing against mid-table strugglers. Still, the big man is toying with his tactics, resting players and presumably has his mind on the play-offs, so we shouldn't be too hard on him. Though it has to be said: we're not going to get very far if our only tactic whenever Chris Dagnall is playing is to boot the ball over the top and watch him scuttle after it like a minor-league Toxteth drug dealer on the run from the bizzies.

View from the opposition... "Kyle McFadzean is my John Terry," said Crawley boss John Gregory after the game, presumably not implying that his central defender is a racist adulterer. But he did go on to say that playing Orient would be "incredibly difficult", suggesting his scouts may well have attended the Gillingham game, but probably not Bradford.

Not Dean Cox

Tweet of the week... "Not everyday I get stopped in south woodford and asked if I want some weed" tweeted  Dean Cox this week, presumably furious he couldn't find the coke, pills and ketamine he was actually after. I jest, of course, if you happen to be reading this and you're a lawyer. It was actually growth hormones he wanted.

GUEST POST! Walsall 1 Leyton Orient 1, 21/3/14

Frankly I'm disgusted that Orient are only third in League One with eight games to go and refuse to return from Berlin until they win the Champions League. Luckily Andy Brown - Orient blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - has no such morals and filed this report from Walsall...

A game in which… Orient spent the first 30 minutes looking as clued up as a Malaysian transport minister at a press conference, but by the second half better resembled the Russian special forces attacking a Crimean air base. Yup, another “game of two halves” saw Orient bludgeon their way to a frankly undeserved draw, highlighted by the fact that Captain Clarke once again hit the back of the net (I know, his goals are like buses).

With the team suffering an apparent hangover from last week’s demoralising defeat, Orient started off without any sort of purpose, giving possession away at every opportunity. They stepped up the pressure second half - mainly via a series of long, aimless balls forwards - and on the rare occasions they did get hold of the ball they looked like they might do something, but Walsall always looked a threat on the counter-attack. In summary, the performance suggests that the team is running out of steam and the management team out of ideas… let’s hope not!

Moment of magic... Eldin Jakupovic’s stunning double save down to his right to tip a shot onto the post and then his reaction to dive at Westcarr’s feet to save the follow-up. In retrospect it earned Orient a point, as they should have been 2-0 down in the first 30 minutes.

Referee Tim Robinson

Moment of madness... Referee Tim Robinson’s baffling “senior moment” in the first half. He stopped the game in a the middle of a promising O’s attack to tell Baudry and Downing off for holding, but did not wait until the ball was dead and with no foul given, he gave a drop ball to the utter bafflement of everyone in the ground and much to the irritation of Os fans and players.

Top gun… It was tough to pick a top performer with Orient having an off-day. Our best players were Baudry, who had a decent game on his return from injury, while Jamie Ness made a real impact when he replaced the utterly ineffective Lloyd James in the second half. Jakupovic once again made big saves when he had to make them.

Little donkeys... Precious fans that dish it out but can’t take it. The small group of Walsall supporters who surrounded a prone Moses Odubajo after a collision with the Walsall keeper by the goal, hurling abuse at him, and had to be held back by a chain of stewards, only to suggest the O’s winger should be banned later on. “Moses Odubajo should be reported to the FA for telling a small section of Walsall fans to f**k off” said Vital Walsall, while Matt replied with what I can only hope was tongue in cheek: “Definitely! Clearly read his lips from the back row of block 3. Ref seemed to ignore it as well; he was right next to him”

In the dugout... “We can only do our best” commented Russell Slade when questioned about Wolves and Brentford’s wins which saw the Os slip further behind the top two. No offence Russell, but if this is our best, I’d hate to see our worst. Walsall are a good side that matched Orient at Brisbane Road with ten men, so nobody expected a walkover, but with 7+ players playing below par, Orient were lucky to get a point.

View from the opposition... Vital Walsall was pretty generous about the game: “Result was fair to be honest. Orient dominated last 55 minutes of the game. They could have had a penalty and even snatched it at end." But Michael Tapper disagreed: “I disagree with the fair comment. I thought we made them look like a pub team”. Really? In truth Orient were somewhere in the middle, failed to get their passing game going and played the ball long far too often.

PA announcer of the week… Radcliffe Borough’s PA announcer getting in a twist with his words in a Northern Premier League Division One North game against Lancaster City. Why? Because players and fans from nearby Ramsbottom United had turned up for a fight after their match against Farsley was postponed.

GUEST POST! Preston North End 1 Leyton Orient 1, 15/2/14

So last weekend I did a 1,000-mile round trip to watch Orient lose to Peterborough in the dying moments of the game. Won't be doing that again. But don't worry, because once again Andy Brown - Orient blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - is here to give us his view on the Os' trip to Preston...

Preston's Craigggggg Davies

A game in which… the match (and the officials) were overshadowed (and overwhelmed) by the passing away of Sir Tom Finney, a football legend and Preston hero. And, naturally, like all big occasions, it played out like two terriers squabbling over a squeaky toy for 90 minutes. 

The game also saw the much-heralded return of Eldin Jakupovic, Lloyd James back in the midfield, Shaun “Battman” Batt on the bench and Romain Vincelot sporting a shorter haircut, as he'd figured out something drastic was needed after three less “Samson-like” performances. 

The game itself was largely forgettable. Preston had marginally more chances, and with the help of the officials ended up with a draw from a suspect penalty. Orient looked far better organised but failed to string much together in the way of passing, though they were only denied three points by “Bambi-on-Ice” star Craig Davies.

Moment of magic... Kevin Lisbie defied gravity to majestically soar 10 feet above two giant Preston defenders to knock down a long ball perfectly into the path of Baudry to drill home for 1-0, suggesting that he could easily have picked basketball instead of football, with a calculated hang time of at least five seconds.   

  

Moment of madness... Preston keeper Declan Rudd’s superb star jump save from three metres outside his box that stopped a drilled goal-bound shot from going in, that was “missed” by referee Whitestone. Meanwhile Os fans are hoping to get some Preston “invisibility dust” in time for two important home games coming up against Stevenage and Swindon.

Nathan Clarke

Top gun... A tough one. It was either Matthieu Baudry (unfortunate penalty notwithstanding), who was Orient’s best attacking threat all game, had a great volley saved and scored a cracking drilled shot; or freshly signed contract-man, Captain (Nathan) Clarke. Peerless at the back, he played with all the stature of a jolly green giant, heading away anything and everything that Preston could throw at him.

Little donkey(s)... goes to referee Mr Whitestone and his linesmen, who decided that given the magnitude of the occasion the normal rules of football should not apply. This includes fouls, goalkeepers handballing a long way outside the area and Craig Davies’ impression of a ragdoll every time he got close to, or inside, Orient’s 18-yard box. 

In the dugout... Russell Slade made the changes needed to shore things up after some unconvincing recent performances and unwise comments about fans “staying away” after sarcastic applause directed at Shwan “butter fingers” Jalal against Bristol City. He wasn’t happy with the result though, claiming a dive from Davies and a blatant handball from the keeper. Good to see Russell was watching, even if the officials were not.

View from the opposition... Naturally the game was secondary for Simon Grayson as all media questions were about Tom Finney. Grayson said: “It was absolutely fantastic here today. It was very sad news last night but as a mark of the man, people have shown their respects all across different football clubs."

Craig Delew keeps his word

Tweet of the week.... A cracker this week, as Orient fan Craig Delew said he would personally clean the dust off the East Stand seats if Eldin Jakupovic came back to the club. He was true to his word! 

I also promised to give top Os fan Darwin Dan a shout. If he hadn’t got us that taxi, we might never have made the game for kickoff-top man, Dan.

Wolverhampton Wanderers 1 Leyton Orient 1, 29/12/13

Wolves' pre-match meal

A game in which... the paupers of Leyton just about scraped together enough cash to afford the bus fare to the Midlands to face the fat cats of Wolverhampton, a team so flushed with riches that they eat Alba truffles, beluga caviar and raw hard cash for their pre-match meal and receive payments from the Premier League specifically to buy parachutes. (That's right, isn't it?)

And yet in the second half - despite the fact the entire Orient squad now contains only 13 fit senior pros - it was the away side who were dominating and who looked more likely to win the game. An incredible achievement and yet again a testament to the sheer gutsy resolve of this brilliant team.

What's that? Oh, the first half. Well, Wolves could have been 28-0 up. But if you can't get the ball in the net with a strike force that costs more than the GDP of a medium-sized central European country, you've only got yourself to blame.

Moment of magic... The moment Mathieu Baudry inexplicably found himself in the opposition penalty area experiencing a typically French existential crisis. Just as the defender asked himself 'Why am I here?' the ball arrived at his feet via a sublime Moses Odubajo cross and he was able to tap the ball into the net. C'est pourquoi vous y etiez, Mathieu.

Moment of madness... The moment in the second half when an exposed Jake Larkins found the entire Wolverhampton team charging towards him, £50 notes fluttering from their pockets, after a botched Orient corner. His double save - first from Kevin MacDonald, then from the rebound at the feet of James Henry - was brilliant and epitomised what was for the most part a highly impressive performance by the youngster. 

Top gun... Sawyer, Omozusi, Cox, Simpson and Odubajo all impressed - and Lisbie worked tirelessly - but once again the man of the match was Nathan Clarke. In the first half his performance was that of the captain of a sinking ocean liner single-handedly trying to plug every leak while his terror-stricken crew mates throw themselves into lifeboats and get the hell out of there. He was immense. 

Mathieu Baudry

Little donkey... Putting aside his goal and a much-improved second-half performance, Mathieu Baudry was all over the place in the first half. Whereas once the Frenchman was a gallant musketeer picking off opponents with little more than an inquisitively-raised eyebrow, over the last few games he's been more of an inexperienced Parisian mime artist desperately failing to impress drunken tourists outside the Eiffel Tower. 

In the dug out... To be fair to Russell Slade, like a brothel owner in the midst of clap epidemic, he hasn't exactly got much to work with in terms of fit professionals. But interestingly Orient performed much better after Vincelot's injury forced a reshuffle. What's clear is that Omozusi and Odubajo is the most compelling combination on the right, and given that Sawyer is in good form Slade may have to bite the bullet and leave either Baudry or Cuthbert on the bench. Tough decision, probably made easier by the fact it's unlikely both of them will actually be fit at the same time anyway. 

View from the opposition... "You're just a bus stop in West Ham" chanted the 26,000 home fans in one of the more inventive taunts of Orient. Tweeter @wolves_gossip put it less wittily: "Awww poor Orient fans, they've never won anything and now they've drawn to us they think they've the best team in Europe." Well, no, but forgive us our pleasure for matching a club who pay substitute Kevin Doyle more to get his eyelashes waxed than we can afford to pay our entire squad put together. 

Tweet of the week.... I hate to do this to you, Os fans, but with good comes bad, with yin comes yang, and it is my solemn duty to report that ranting taxi driver, social commentator and one-time football manager John Sitton has, for reasons known only to him and the Devil, tweeted a photo of himself naked. If you're of a nervous disposition, look away now... 

Gillingham 1 Leyton Orient 2, 26/12/13

Orient defend a corner

A game in which... due to suspensions, injuries, loss of form and excessive mince pies, Orient were forced to put out a team patched up with sticky tape, Blu-Tac and - worse - Marvin Bartley. No surprise, then, that they were 1-0 down after 0.4 seconds.

It went downhill from there - a missed penalty, more injuries, Marvin Bartley - and despite the fact that Gillingham were showing all the ambition of an X-Factor auditionee who hasn't even bothered to invent a tear-jerking back story, it looked like Orient would be going home pointless.

The fact that they ended up victorious is massive. Yes, champions win games even when they play badly, and it's a huge testament to the spirit and resolve in the camp at the moment that Orient were able to drag out three points from the very depths of footballing hell. (Ok, I'm exaggerating a little...) 

Moment of magic... A no-look, defence-splitting reverse pass by the immense Dean Cox which, had this been a Premier League match, would have been read perfectly by the likes of Luis Suarez or Sergio Aguero and resulted in a certain goal. As it was, it left a stunned Moses Odubajo standing stock still on the touchline looking back at Cox with an expression of bemused wonderment, almost as if he'd never seen a human man under 4ft 7in before.

Adebayo Akinfenwa

Moment of madness... Every single moment (there were lots of them, including Gillingham's goal) when Mathieu Baudry was outjumped by Adebayo Akinfenwa. Which is really quite a feat on Baudry's part given that the journeyman striker has all the spring in his step of a concrete tower block. Next week: Orient's bemused Frenchman loses a game of paper, scissors, stone to an oak tree.

Top gun... Larkins looked solid, Omozusi was good in the second half and Clarke had another decent game, but standing head and shoulders above everyone (figuratively speaking, obviously) was Dean Cox. Moved to the tip of a diamond in the second half, Tiny was everywhere and pretty much won the game for Orient through sheer force of will.

Marvin Bartley

Little donkey... Does Marvin Bartley's goal excuse all the skewed passes, poor positioning and mistimed tackles that populated the rest of his 90 minutes on the pitch? You might as well ask should we forgive Vlad the Impaler all the systematic torture on account of his luxuriant moustache? The answer is probably no.  

In the dug out... Credit to Russell for the tactical change in the second half (moving Cox into the middle), but what the hell was the manager doing giving Elliot Omozusi the responsibility of taking Orient's crucial penalty? True, the defender has converted a couple in shoot outs, but surely as a striker and senior pro Kevin Lisbie (who's only missed the one this season, against Crewe) shouldn't be hiding behind Adebayo Akinfenwa pretending to tie his shoelaces when so much is at stake. Our penalty record this season is appalling (we've missed four out of six in the league). Where's Matt Lockwood when you need him? 

View from the opposition... "Orient didn't deserve that! Shit team cheating diving tossers #robbed" wrote potty-mouthed Gillingham fan Shelley Brown. It's worth noting, however, that the Gills take to the pitch to the sound of Robbie Williams's Let Me Entertain You, a signature tune that on today's performance is about as appropriate as George Osbourne entering the next Conservative Party Conference to NWA's Straight Outta Compton.

Tweet of the week... Well done to eagle-eyed Dean Cox, who noticed that Romain Vincelot appears to have had his shirt number emblazoned onto his £7.99 Primark high-tops, Cristiano Ronaldo-style. Expect the French midfielder to launch his own range of underwear and open a museum to himself in the coming weeks. 

Leyton Orient 2 Crawley Town 3, 21/12/13

A game in which... Crawley proved they are so much more than Orient's bogey team - more like a huge, festering globule of mucus stuck up the nasal cavity of League One. No offence, hey, because in fact the West Sussex side were worth the three points.

So Orient aren't hitting the heights of their early season form of late - no victories in the last four league games - but then again we'll be top of the league on 25 December. And back in August, even if the news emerged that Santa had developed a debilitating addiction to crystal meth, no one would have expected the bearded fella to deliver a gift like that to Brisbane Road on Christmas Day. 

Moment of magic... Nathan Clarke's goal-line clearance from Nicky Adams' lob in the second half, a physics-defying block that prevented Crawley from going 4-1 up - a scoreline that would have been as hideously embarrassing as losing a pub quiz to a team comprising Jimmy Smith and three jellyfish.

Trevor Kettle

Moment of madness... The moment the young Trevor Kettle thought to himself: "Traffic warden? Nope. Ticket inspector? Nope. Debt collector? Nope. Supreme leader of North Korea? Nope. What I really need is a career where I can wield disproportionate amounts of power and ruin thousands of people's day at the same time. I know: referee!" And while he's not the reason Orient lost, Kettle's bookings of both Batt and Alexander, plus a bizarre drop ball after Lisbie was flattened, upheld his reputation as one of the worst officials in the whole history of the entire universe.  

Top gun... Excellent effort by the aforementioned Nathan Clarke today, and Scott Cuthbert was pretty impressive too, but let's take the time to hail an unsung hero: Gary Sawyer. Yes, the left back took the opportunity of Elliot Omozusi's suspension to remind fans that while he's no Matt Lockwood or Charlie Daniels, he's worth about four Billy Joneses, or 48 billion Danny Granvilles. 

Little donkey... "Worst I played for a long time" wrote Mathieu Baudry on Twitter shortly after the game, and it's true that by his own very high standards he had something of a shocker. He was directly responsible for Crawley's third goal after giving the ball away, missed three presentable headers from corners and his distribution was uncharacteristically sloppy. Still, we can't blame the Frenchman for everything: I'm pretty sure he wasn't involved in the Gallic invasion of Britain in 1797, and he's in no way culpable for the poor quality of the latest Daft Punk album. 

In the dug out... With both Mooney and Omozusi suspended, Russell Slade hardly needed any more bad news. But when Dean Cox was also ruled out for "toothache" - apparently sulking because the tooth fairy had forgotten to leave 50 pence under his pillow - the manager really had his work cut out. Still, we were always going to have a blip at some point and despite that we're still top of the league. And, remember: Slade's teams tend to improve after Christmas, which means promotion is still a realistic ambition.

View from the opposition... "What a result against top of the league. lads worked there socks off" wrote Nicky Adams after the game, scurrying around the conventions of grammar like the tricky winger he is. The one-time Orient loanee is right though: Crawley were better than the home side across the park. Given they have a 100 per cent record against us (beating Orient home and away in 2012/13) it may be easier if we just give them the six points at the start of each season and take the opportunity to rest key players.

Tweet of the week... "Are you sure it's my 30th? Can't be," wrote ex-Orient goalkeeper Glenn Morris to his own wife on Twitter this week, suggesting that for him birthdays are just as confusing as trying to kick a football vaguely in the direction of his team mates. 

Fact of the day... It's actually scientifically impossible for Orient to beat a team containing Gary Alexander. It's known in physics as "The Law of Fat-Ass". In fact the one-time Brisbane Road striker did everything you'd expect of him today: led the line brilliantly, caused a nuisance to the defence, missed a penalty, fluffed a sitter and fell to the ground screaming like an eight-year-old girl watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre every time he went up for a header.