GUEST POST! Leyton Orient 2 Tranmere Rovers 0, 26/4/14

My record of games I've come back from Berlin for is played three, lost three. So you're actually much safer in the hands of Andy Brown - Orient blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - who filed this report from Brisbane Road... 

A game in which... Fresh from back to back defeats (one deserved and one not), Orient decided to shake the sand out of their regular season flip flops and cruise to a comfortable win against a Tranmere team that usually comes to Brisbane Road to mess things up at this time of the season.

Orient played the same neat passing football that they did against Wolves, but were seemingly feeling charitable in the final third, as time and again Cox and Mooney failed to conjure up anything convincing against a nervous and indecisive Tranmere team. True, the visitors played much better in the second half, but never really put a telling or dangerous ball into the box as veteran striker Ryan Lowe seemed more intent on trying to start a fight with angry Scotsman Scott Cuthbert. Only going to be one winner there, Ryan…

Moment of magic... Chris Dagnall decided that the best thing to do with Tranmere keeper Owain Fon Williams’ miskick was to hammer a stunning 40-yard shot into the far corner of an unguarded net. It was an outrageous and sublime piece of skill that had it been Rooney or Beckham you would never stop hearing about it, but as it was Orient it'll probably never be mentioned again. Either way, it was Orient’s best long range effort since Dean Cox decided to mock Walsall by scoring from the halfway line.

Moment of madness… David Mooney must have received a bang on the head at some point during the game, because he decided that he was going to try and score directly into his own net with a full stretch diving header that scraped by Jamie Jones’ post from a Tranmere corner. It had fans scratching their heads and hoping that Orient are never so short of personnel that he has to play centre back.

Top gun...  Once again on-loan Everton midfielder John Lundstram was the standout performer, working tirelessly and linking Orient’s play together. Romain Vincelot also put in one of his finer performances, busy and industrious, winning the ball back for Orient with a dogged display that resulted in one of our more comfortable victories this season.

Shaun Batt

Little donkey... With the stature of a giraffe, legs of gazelle and coordination of a hippo, Shaun Batt looks and plays like something conceived in mad professor Frankenstein’s  laboratory in an attempt to create the perfect footballer. Sadly, “Battman” never has the same impact when he starts as he does when emerging from the bench and yesterday was no different. His running and general presence got him into good positions a few times, but with a complete inability to decide what to do with the ball once he gets into those positions, it’s not a lot of use.

In the dugout... Orient’s bald tinkerman is busy preparing his dossier for prospective opposition ahead of Orient’s playoff charge. “We call it the war room and have a picture of Winston Churchill on the wall, as he was up against great odds,” Russell Slade told reporters, prompting hysterical laughter. Slade had to make changes to compensate for the lack of any proper full backs (sorry Gary Sawyer) so Moses Odubajo dropped in at right back as Cuthbert came back into central defence with Baudry out. As a result Orient looked more like a 4-3-3 with Batt playing as a wide third striker, suggesting Slade may be trying a plan B for the play-offs, until he brought on James in the second half and reverted back to a more conventional 4-4-2.

View from the opposition... Ronnie Moore wasn’t available for comment as he was down the bookies, but his replacement manager John McMahon bemoaned the mistakes by his team, in particular Owain Fon Williams, conveniently forgetting the fact that the Welshman made a brilliant one handed stop to keep the game at 1-0 in the second half.

Fancy Dress of the week... It’s the last away game of the season so what do you do? Dress as a bunch of wooden Gerry Anderson puppets, obviously.  It’s what he would have wanted. Yup, it was Hartlepool’s last away game of the season, a quick hop down to Plymouth, so in traditional fashion several hundred decided to dress as Thunderbirds. A bit more PC than 2011's Oompa Loompas, eh lads?

Leyton Orient 2 Tranmere Rovers 1, 9/2/13

Slade sells Laird to Southend

A game in which... Orient could afford to miss a penalty, two point-blank headers, a one-on-one and a hatful of other chances yet still overcome high-flying Tranmere. They say the table doesn't lie but on the evidence of this match it was telling the biggest porkie since Russell Slade phoned up Paul Sturrock and said, "Yeah, Lairdy can do a job for you."

Make no mistake, this was a hugely impressive victory - perhaps the performance of the season so far - and Orient dominated the league leaders throughout the match. Dangerous going forward, resolute at the back... If we keep playing like this every week we're going to be at Wembley twice this season.

Moment of magic... A real life Charlie MacDonald goal, something previously thought only to exist in the imagination of Kevin Nugent and as a doctored entry on the striker's Wikipedia page. Yes, this was a much-improved performance by the former Brentford man - a nuisance to the Tranmere defence throughout - and with his first-half header he's already equalled the heady heights of Jamie Cureton's Orient scoring record. Next on his hit list: Adrien Patulea (2 goals). 

Moment of madness... Another missed penalty - the second in a row - by Orient. Today Martin Rowlands was the guilty party (albeit denied by a great save) meaning that the next time we have a spot kick it's anyone's guess who'll be taking the honours. Perhaps we could re-sign reliable spot-kicker Adam Boyd purely for the purposes of taking penalties and doing fancy but ultimately pointless flicks that none of the rest of the team can read? Given he's currently playing in the Northern League - the ninth tier of English football - he'd probably jump at the chance. If he could jump, that is. 

Knight in shining armour... What a joy it is to watch Mathieu Baudry in action, elegantly commanding the defence and casually picking out passes with the sort of effortless cool he no doubt employs when selecting which of the opposition players' wives he'll deign to sleep with after the match. If this is what happens when you grow up eating horse meat, as Baudry did in his native France, then the whole squad should stock up on Findus Beef Lasagnes immediately. 

Pantomime horse... No bad performances from anyone in an Orient shirt today, although Lloyd James will no doubt be flagellating himself with a leek while listening to Stereophonics B-sides to atone for somehow failing to connect with a point-blank header in front of goal in the first few minutes of the game.  

In the dug out... Today Russell Slade was as animated as one of the Disney cartoons Kevin Dearden enjoys of a Saturday evening. Indeed, when Charlie MacDonald had the ball in the net in the second half the manager set off on one of his famed celebratory jigs, bounding along the touchline with all the enthusiasm of a simpleminded farm hand attempting an egg-and-spoon race after 12 pints of scrumpy. Unfortunately the goal was called offside and Russell had to sheepishly slink back to the dug out again. 

Meanwhile on Twitter... With the launch of the Leyton Orient sticker album today, there's already been some frenetic trading across Twitter among fans. One punter was in despair at his inability to swap his surplus Michael Symes sticker until, surprisingly, he was contacted by Burton Albion manager Gary Rowett who offered to exchange it for the actual Michael Symes. Obviously the fan turned him down. 

Dean Morgan playing for Orient

Statto corner... The last time Orient beat a team residing at the top of the League One table was when Martin Ling's side beat MK Dons back in January 2009. That day Dean Morgan confounded the entire MK Dons team by lying on the ground screaming and crying for a full 38 minutes after almost being lightly brushed on the arm during a tussle for the ball, allowing Stephen Purches to ghost through and score the winner unnoticed. 

Tranmere Rovers 3 Leyton Orient 1, 18/8/12

A game in which… Orient 2012/13 did a pretty good impression of a football team. Unfortunately that football team was Orient 2011/12. Yes, this was a performance that picked off where last season ended: idea-less in the opponents’ half, susceptible in defence and lacking in cutting edge.

So while the gritty 6ft-plus ballwinners added to the team at least gives us a bit of bite in midfield, without any playmakers (like Matthew Spring) or someone to carry the ball forward (like Stephen Dawson), our ability to unlock an opposition defence is akin to a gang of safecrackers who turn up at Fort Knox armed with nothing but a feather duster and a blancmange.

Moment of magic… Slim pickings here, but let’s go for Michael Symes, who by the looks of him has never had slim pickings of anything in his life. Still, the former Rochdale man did at least convert the soft penalty awarded to Orient as a consolation.

Moment of madness… Tranmere’s decision to excessively time-waste when 3-0 up when they could quite easily have scored a hatful more. Hope you don’t miss out on the play-offs on goal difference, lads!

Knight in shining armour… Until he got injured, Scott Cuthbert was holding the defence together like a valiant firefighter putting out a raging inferno with his own bare hands while those around him flapped around aimlessly firing toy water pistols and throwing cups of Ribena.

Pantomime horse… No, not David Mooney today, but new right back Lloyd James. The new signing spent the first half hour repeatedly gifting the ball to the opposition as if he was in some sort of Olympic-inspired pageant-swapping ritual in which Tranmere refused to take part. Worse still, for the home side’s first goal right back Zoumana Bakayogo didn’t so much as leave him for dead, but battered him over the head with a blunt instrument and dumped him in the Wirral.

In the dug out… Kevin Nugent: “Hey Russ, we’re 2-0 down with 25 minutes to go and things don’t seem to be working – reckon we should change things round a bit? Maybe make a substitution? Perhaps bring on one of the two strikers you’ve only just signed?” Russell Slade: “That’s the sort of kneejerk tactical naivety I’d expect from you, Nuge. If big Clarko can stuff one in the mixer and big Moono can get on the… oh, they’ve scored again.”

Opposition view… Tranmere fan Paul Harper says, politely: “I thought Tranmere dominated for 70 minutes and played some good stuff. We scored three very good goals. Orient looked lacklustre until the final 20 minutes. They stepped it up at the end and threw people forward, but it was too little too late.”

Meanwhile on Twitter… Terrible news for Jimmy Smith when - as this picture he tweeted shows - he became stuck in a massage chair in an M1 service station for 27 hours and was thus unable to play in today's game. What - he was playing?! Did anyone see him? Did he do anything? 

Statto corner… This was Orient’s 26^th consecutive opening-day defeat, the last victory coming in 1986 when Terry Howard bamboozled the Brentford defence by wandering on to the pitch unnoticed 38 minutes into the game having been persuaded to watch ‘one last race’ at Walthamstow Dogs. 

Leyton Orient 0 Tranmere Rovers 1, 13/8/11

A game which... was such an anti-climax for Orient fans it was like turning up to a Jay-Z gig only to find he's been replaced at the last minute by Cher Lloyd. Yes, three months of hope, excitement and anticipation all came crashing down at the hands of a Tranmere side whose away performance was so textbook it'll be probably be added to the national curriculum next year.

But Orient can only blame themselves for a second league loss, repeatedly giving the ball away in midfield and failing to convert 30 minutes or so of pressure into a goal. It's very early days, of course, but if we want to make the play-offs - like a punk getting ready for a last-minute rendezvous - we need to gel quickly.

Moment of class... A delightful bit of edge-of-the-box interplay between Dean Cox and Jamie Cureton that nearly led to a Stephen Dawson goal in the second half. The relationship between these two diminutive players could be key this season - not least so that Cox can look up to someone without the need for binoculars.

Moment of madness... The point in the first half at which Elliot Omozusi elected to pass the ball right into the path of Tranmere striker Enoch Showumni. The right back's propensity to blight otherwise classy performances with singular moments of madness is something akin to a brain surgeon who spends hours meticulously and delicately performing an operation with a scalpel, only to suddenly declare, 'Fuck it, I'm going to use a pickaxe.'

Knight in shining armour... There were enough positives in Jamie Cureton's performance - his ability to get on the end of knock ons, his intelligent build-up play - to suggest that he could break the Brisbane Road Curse that renders previously high-scoring strikers impotent.

Pantomime horse... Matthew Spring had such a stinker today that, given the size of his nose, it was a surprise he didn't asphyxiate himself. There were no shortage of similar performances last season, and there's surely a question over whether the former Charlton man is the playmaking solution in a season where we're aiming for the play-offs.

In the dug out... You'd forgive Russell Slade for thinking to himself, 'Hey, I wonder if Barnsley's players repeatedly pass the ball to the opposition?' His team didn't click today, but fair play to the manager, he wasn't shy about going for the win, bringing on two strikers and a 6ft carrot in the closing stages.

A word on the visitors... Fair play to Tranmere, they're a hard team to beat and once they went ahead successfully stifled the play. Also credit to the impunity of manager Les Parry who, after deliberately booting the ball down the wrong end of the pitch in a time-wasting bid, claimed to the fourth official that it had simply accidentally spooned off his ankle. You're not Adrien Patulea, Les.

Meanwhile, on Twitter... 'At home bumping this new margz on a hype ting' said Elliot Omozusi - @elliot_nuts - ahead of the day's game, which presumably means he was accidentally colliding with furniture in an excitable manner. Surely a bit of light exercise would have been better preparation?

Lesson for the day: Since Orient are clearly susceptible to 35-yard screamers, perhaps it might be pertinent to try playing the entire defence in midfield against Wycombe to cut down their opportunities to score? Where's Donny Barnard when you need him?

Leyton Orient 0 Tranmere Rovers 3, 1/5/11

A game which... for Orient was much like strutting up to the Royal Wedding reception thinking you've got an outside chance of pulling Pippa Middleton, only to end the night staring desolately into your pint glass while Princess Eugenie yabbers inanely in your ear. Yes, the play-off dream is over and in truth, Orient looked jaded, allowing Tranmere - playing the match free of any implications - to boss the show. But let this not detract from what has been a season to savour, one that'll live long in the memories of fans.

Moment to savour... It's the delighful Cheery Os dance troupe, whose routine was once again transformed into a racy wet T-shirt performance by the mischievous groundsman who gave them a good soaking via the underground sprinkler system. Just think, if Prince William had spent more time in Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill, he could have been taking one of these hotties up the aisle rather than the prim Kate Middleton. Your loss, Wills.

Head in hands moment... When mini-firecracker Dean Cox called the assistant referee a 'super-c**t', evoking images of a comic book villain that dresses mainly in black and tries to bring down the world by incorrectly calling throw-in decisions and flagging Jonathan Tehoue offside.

King for 20 minutes... For the majority of the game, Orient's attacks were about as incisive as a Fearne Cotton interview. But when Paul-Jose M'Poku ambled onto the pitch with his loping cowboy gait, suddenly - as so often has happened this season - the home side were invigorated. The young Belgian helped create chance after chance and his skills will be sorely missed once he returns to Spurs.

Boo boy... Everyone in an Orient shirt played their hearts out - even Jonathan Tehoue could be seen running all over the pitch as if his contract depended on it - so this is no time for criticism. In fact, I salute each and every player for the effort they've put in this season. Except Aaron Brown, of course.

In the dug out... Russell Slade began proceedings with a little joke. No, not giving Ryan Jarvis a place in the starting line up, but appearing in a wig. It's been a real pleasure to have a manager as passionate, astute and committed as Slade this season, so let's hope it's not a case of hair today, gone tomorrow.

What would Martin Ling have done? Gone for broke in a do-or-die fixture by playing a midfield four of Adam Chambers, Paul Terry, Donny Barnard and a 6ft garden fence. "People say I'm too cautious, but my middle name is danger," he'd say defiantly. "Well, actually it's Nathan, but you get my point."

Next season? Can Orient go one better in 2011/12 and actually make the play-offs? Well, it won't be easy, but if the lowly daughter of a flight attendent can one day become Queen simply by parading up and down in her underwear a bit then there is always hope. Either way, it's sure to be a thrilling ride.