Leyton Orient 2 MK Dons 0, 13/4/13

Andy D'Urso

A game in which... Referee Andy D'Urso ran around blowing his whistle like he was at an early 90s rave off his nut on ecstasy - and in the brief interludes in which he allowed some football to break out Orient managed to score two goals. Demented officiating aside, this was a hugely impressive and deserved victory against one of the division's big hitters. 

Moment of magic... A goal from the most unlikely Leyton Orient player. No, not Michael Symes but left back Gary Sawyer. The former Bristol Rovers man has been a quietly efficient performer this season and his first club goal was just reward for another classy display. 

Lee Cook on the bench today

Moment of madness... Russell Slade's decision to bring on Lee Cook into cold and rainy conditions when the winger was perfectly content sitting on the bench Googling cheap holiday options in Marbella on his iPhone. However, contrary to all expectations Cook actually put in a hell of a shift and nearly set up a couple more goals with his pinpoint crosses into the box. 

Knight in shining armour... Superb performances from Jamie Jones and Nathan Clarke in particular today, but the shining star was Romain Vincelot. Though his appearance suggests he's spent the previous night engaged in a particularly strenuous session of lovemaking at a backstreet Parisian brothel, he's rock solid in central defence and today repelled the MK Dons attack flawlessly. 

Pantomime horse... If football matches lasted 15 minutes then Jimmy Smith would be Fifa World Player of the Year, such is the ferocious intensity with which he plays the first quarter of an hour. Today's early-game cameo included a backheel to Moses Odubajo that was so cheeky it's a wonder MK Dons left back Dean Lewington didn't slap him round the face for his impudence. Unfortunately, as is so often the case, Smith played the remaining 75 minutes like a dwarf playing piggy in the middle against the Harlem Globetrotters. 

In the dug out... You've got to hand it to Russell, in a must-win game he threw all caution to the wind. Admittedly to him throwing all caution to the wind is leaving Lloyd James on the bench, but nonetheless the manager deserves huge plaudits for dragging his team one point away from the play-offs with two games to go. He even got a bear hug from Kevin Dearden for his troubles today, an experience something akin to a jellyfish being crushed in an industrial vice. 

View from the opposition... "Poor match, poor effort by the players," writes MK Dons fan Matthew Fensome. "Why this again when we could at least have tried to win?"

You're a girl, you like pink. Right? 

Meanwhile on Twitter... Today the official Leyton Orient Twitter feed showed that the club are doing their bit to drag feminism into the 18th century by tweeting a product from their new women's range - a pink hat. After all, girls couldn't possibly wear the same colour hats as men, could they? Also available are a pink Orient apron, a pink Orient feather duster and a book entitled The Orient Guide To The Offside Rule For Women (pink cover). Girl power! 

Statto corner... Kevin Lisbie's 16 league goals this season come from just 20 starts, a goals-to-games ratio bettered only by Ryan Jarvis during his first loan spell with the club in 2007. "Getting close to Jarvis has always been one of my ambitions," said a humble Lisbie after today's game. "Jarvis Cocker, that is."

Leyton Orient 2 Bury 0, 1/4/13

Bury's defensive coach

A game in which... Orient did what they had to do - assuming what they had to do was offer one of the division's worst sides repeated chances to score. Thankfully Bury couldn't shoot for toffee, while at the other end their defence appeared to have been coached by Clayton Fortune, Joe Dolan and C3PO, such was the scuttling panic that ensued whenever the ball popped into their area. 

So this was no classic, but a win is a win. And while results elsewhere surely mean that the play-offs are out of reach, all the team can do is rack up as many points as possible in the remaining four games and see whether we finish nine or tenth.

Moment of magic... The moment towards the end of the second half when Shaun Batt showed what a great talent he possesses. That talent is in wrestling, mind you, rather than football for the loanee showed immense strength in grappling with Bury left back David Worrall then chokeslamming him to the ground like he was auditioning for WWE Smackdown.  

Moment of madness... The moment in the first half when the ball plummeted from the sky towards the waiting boot of David Mooney with a small invitation attached to it that read "Just volley me into the net". But who, apart from every Orient fan ever, could have predicted what would happen next? Would he scuff it towards the corner post? Would he miss it completely? Would it hit him on the back of the head after he'd tripped himself over? In the event the Irishman managed to confound all expectations by skewing the ball straight back in the air, something that a lesser player would have found particularly difficult to execute. All hail the Moons. 

Orient's defence

Knight in shining armour... With Orient's centre backs dropping like flies - today both Baudry and Omozusi came off injured - thank God for Nathan Clarke, who's now single-handedly holding the defence together with some sticky tape, a couple of plasters and Gary Sawyer. The captain was a level-headed presence today and will be critical to Orient's chances of ending the season with a positive goal difference for the first time in their entire history.  

Pantomime horse... Bitterly cold winds, the second match in four days and a bobbling, raggedy pitch. These are the conditions Lee Cook relishes - as long as he's safely at home wrapped in a onesie and watching Top Gear rather than actually playing football. Yes, it's fair to say the winger didn't fancy it today and approached the game with all the enthusiasm of a minor royal forced to visit a sewage works on a ceremonial tour of Siberia.

In the dug out... "The maths is simple," said Russell Slade after Friday's loss against Scunthorpe. "That's right," agreed Jimmy Smith. "Five games left, 33 points up for grabs and we're just 19 off the play-offs - so a win and seven draws should do it. LEGOOO!" And while the manager seemed to want to sabotage the very slim chances of making sixth spot by leaving Rowlands and Vincelot on the bench in favour of James and the aforementioned Smith, you have to give him credit for masterminding Orient's 12th home win of the season - a record bettered only by Brentford in League One. 

View from the opposition... "Any sensible Orient fan knows they didn't deserve to win that," tweeted Bury fan Jake Wadsworth to the seven supporters to which that description applies. "We had so many chances but can't score to save our lives." 

Meanwhile on Twitter... A revealing insight into the life of Mathieu Baudry this week when he tweeted "The mrs abondonned me so... i have to look after myself" So, as this picture demonstrates, the Frenchman did what any self-respecting footballer would do and, erm, put on his girlfriend's dressing gown and slippers and settled down to watch Bridget Jones's Diary on Netflix. Vive la difference, Mathieu!   

Statto corner... Orient's 12 home wins so far this season is their best since 1937/38, when the team won every game but one at Brisbane Road. "To be fair, we'd neglected to tell the league we'd just moved stadiums so opposition teams never turned up," said manager Peter Proudfoot. "Despite this, we still somehow managed to lose to Scunthorpe."

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Southend 2 Leyton Orient 2, 20/2/13

A game which... left Orient fans sicker than Sean Thornton and JJ Melligan the morning after a particularly debauched St Patrick's Day. God knows it's heartbreaking to lose in the dying minutes of what's effectively a pre-Wembley semi-final, but to do so to your arch nemeses hurts really bad.

Still, despite their very best efforts, over the two legs Orient only have themselves to blame for not capitalising on the long spells of pressure they did have and for somehow allowing all three of Southend's only shots on goal in 180 minutes to actually go in.

Moment of magic... David Mooney's headed goal, demonstrating that if you need an ice-cool striker who'll reliably put away one in every 46 chances, he's your man.

Moment of madness... That time-bending moment in the second half when - at 2-1 up - the ball spooned up off Shaun Batt's shin, over the Southend keeper and towards the goal. It seemed to hang for hours - suspending the hopes and dreams of Os fans in mid-air - before finally, inevitably and predictably plopping on to the crossbar like Kevin Dearden collapsing onto an armchair after polishing off a Pizza Hut Jumbo Dinner Box and three bumper packs of Doritos.

Knight in shining armour... Lee Cook caused the opposition many problems, presumably confusing them by being the only Orient player not to repeatedly hoof the ball up the pitch as soon as it came near him. Shaun Batt too was a constant nuisance, often to himself, and continues to be Orient's best 'big man' since the imaginary ones Martin Ling talked up every summer.

Pantomime horse... This is no time to blame individuals - that time comes after league games - because it was clear quite how much this mattered to the team. The players gave their all and were crestfallen at the final whistle - a situation not helped by the fact they were surrounded by pitch-invading Southend fans celebrating like they'd just heard Essex's own Jodie Marsh had been given an OBE.

In the dug out... Clearly Russell had issued some very specific instructions about the way Orient should be playing. He calls it 'direct'; others know it as 'LUMP IT'. Either way it was a surprise to see just how quickly the players were releasing the ball upfield rather than letting the likes of Cox, Cook and Odubajo get on it. Particularly as this seemed to be playing to Southend's strengths rather than our own, a ploy that makes about as much sense as challenging Andy Murray to game of tennis after he's just offered to play you at Monopoly.

Meanwhile on Twitter... This week saw a smart innovation from the official @leytonorientfc Twitter feed. Just send a tweet explaining why you should follow Orient and you could win a pre-match meal of minced horse at the club restaurant. Simple. There were plenty of entries, although unfortunately for the club almost all of them went something like this: "You thought Chris Huhme was good at getting someone to take his points? You've seen nothing yet. #ff @leytonorientfc for car crash endings." Or this: "#ff @leytonorientfc so you can brag to friends about supporting 'real football' before going home to cry alone." It even made the news in Sweden.

Statto corner... Contrary to popular opinion Orient have actually secured some silverware in their history - and not just the cutlery set Kevin Nugent won in the tombola at the annual Leyton Women's Institute fete. In 1973 the club won the now defunct London Challenge Cup, a competition in which teams from the capital competed against local primary schools. "It was a proud moment," recalled captain Peter Allen. "Enfield Girls High School are a tough side to break down, but we stuck at it and got the result."

View From The Sofa: Alfreton Town 2 Leyton Orient 4, 2/12/12

Orient take to the pitch

A televised game which... Orient would have lost 58-4 were it not for the opposition's relentless targeting of the woodwork. Yes, if the footballers from the tiny, rural 16th century hamlet of Alfreton were playing crossbar challenge then they'd have won this game hands down.

As it was, they were unlucky to come away with nothing since for large parts of the game the Os were as somnolent as a Derbyshire villager trying to sleep off the 37 cans of cider he'd consumed at the local school fete. Luckily a couple of spells of control and four quality goals ensured Orient's passage to round three.

Small screen hero... If you ever need a striker to punish a defence composed of electricians, taxi drivers and school dinner ladies, then David Mooney is your man. The Irishman continued his recent run of good form with a lively display and two deftly-taken goals. For reasons best known to himself, however, he rather embarrassingly elected to celebrate the second by playing Pat-A-Cake, Pat-A-Cake, Baker's Man with Lee Cook.

Stage fright... Ben Chorley - who has been excellent of late - seemed to approach being in front of the cameras with all the confidence of a Hollyoaks extra asked to star in Othello alongside Kenneth Branagh.

Lee Cook still in the process
of leaving the pitch

TV burp... Lee Cook's ridiculous time-wasting in the second half, when he left the pitch after being substituted so slowly it was like watching someone try to run through a swamp in concrete boots. Or Michael Symes running unimpeded.

View from the opposition... "We should of won that game," said Alfreton player Ross Killock. And while a Alfreton victory wouldn't really have counted as a 'giant-killing' - more an unexpected rebuke of a dwarf by a six-year-old girl - they would probably have deserved it.

Meanwhile on Twitter... More bizarre Anglo-French banter from Mathieu Baudry, who tweeted earlier this week: "nice eveniing ... arms one fire after gym+lost my phone there" which presumably means he accidentally set himself alight at Fitness First before misplacing his Blackberry.

Statto corner... Orient still have a long way to go to beat the 1961/62 record of nine straight wins. The run was finally brought to an end in a 3-2 loss against Bristol Rovers after Sid Bishop, Cyril Lea and Dave Dunmore chose not to turn up until 40 minutes into the first half as they had half a crown on an insider-tipped greyhound at Walthamstow Dogs.

Leyton Orient 0 Doncaster Rovers 2, 29/9/12

A game in which... Orient looked about as comfortable as John Terry at an Afro-Caribbean poetry night. Yes, the away team were physical and niggly but fair play to them - they took their chances and restricted Orient to vague attempts at defying the laws of physics by expecting Kevin Lisbie to out-jump their gargantuan centre backs.

And while one loss in the last five isn't a major cause for alarm, it's certainly true Orient didn't have any answers to Doncaster's approach. Unless you count bringing on Marc Laird, and if that's the answer then the question must be held under lock and key at Fort Knox in case anyone ever tries to ask it again.

Moment of magic... The moment when Lee Cook - whose meticulous preparation for the game had presumably involved repeatedly running full pelt into an 8ft brick wall - decided to change tack. His novel approach involved sitting on the floor and pirouetting with the ball sandwiched between his feet as if he was involved in some sort of student ice-breaking game in Freshers' Week. Next up: Ryan Brunt tries to bamboozle the Walsall defence by wearing a traffic cone on his head and initiating a round of Spin The Bottle.  

Moment of madness... David Cotterill's ridiculous attempt to try to get Dean Cox sent off at the end of the game, falling to the floor clutching his face like an attention-seeking teenage schoolgirl upset that her eight-year-old sister had just upstaged her at a talent show.

Knight in shining armour.... It was hard for any Orient player to shine when standing within 300 yards of Dean Saunders' suit, but Nathan Clarke didn't have a bad game and Kevin Lisbie did about as much as could be expected of someone being repeatedly attacked by a vicious herd of giraffes.

Pantomime horse... Leyton Orient and referee Nigel Miller have history, for it was the Durham-born official who was in charge for the club's notorious 1-1 draw with Leeds in 2007. Miller's performance that day was so inept that manager Martin Ling nearly blew a gasket. ("I was so furious that I looked at him a little bit disapprovingly at the end of the game," he said at the time.) Today the referee wasn't much better and hindered Orient's cause with a series of decisions that caused so much head-scratching it was like a plague of lice had descended upon Brisbane Road.

In the dug out... "We weren't bright," said Russell Slade after the game, though if you field a team containing Jimmy Smith you're hardly likely to secure a discounted group membership to Mensa. Fair play to the manager, in recent weeks he has hit upon a Plan A ("Try and get a throw in so Clarkey can launch it into the mixer") but Plan B ("Bring on Odubajo, then try and get a throw in so Clarkey can launch it into the mixer") probably needs a bit of work.

Word from the opposition... "We played very well today, one of our best performances of the season," says Donny fan Kieran O'Malley. "Orient had a poor first half but a slightly better second half, with a small spell of chances - but didn't make anything of them. Not great really, though I thought the referee was a bit dodgy at times."

Meanwhile on Twitter... Never let it be said that Orient players aren’t multi-talented - today, for example, David Mooney was spotted reading the match programme and breathing at the same time. But few could match the skills of Lee Cook who can run for 60 minutes of a game and put away culinary delights like the one he tweeted here. “I no your jealous! :)” he wrote before tucking into his meal. Or throwing up over it – it’s hard to tell the difference.

Statto corner... The last time the average height of an Orient team exceeded that of their opponents was in April 1955 when Pat Welton and Les Blizzard came up with the cunning wheeze of nailing three inches of MDF to the bottom of their boots in a bid to gain advantage over Newport County.

Leyton Orient 4 Yeovil Town 1, 18/9/12

A game in which... Russell Slade proved this joker wrong: "It's antiquated to think football is simply a 4-4-2 system. The game has changed. It's not like that now." (Russell Slade, Leyton Orientear, August 2012) Yes, what a joy it was to see an Orient side bristling with energy, purpose and attacking intent - and playing two up front at home. Sure, the approach was direct, but the intensity repeatedly left the Yeovil defence as exposed as a topless princess in a private French chateau.

Moment of magic... An incredible five-minute spell of showboating towards the end of the game which featured a Jimmy Smith backheel, a couple of Moses Odubajo stepovers and no less than three - yes, three - attempts on goal by substitute David Mooney, only one of which ballooned towards the corner flag. Less the Harlem Globetrotters, though, more the Leyton Cheap Day Return To Canvey Islanders.

Moment of madness... Ryan Brunt's over-exuberant celebration of Kevin Lisbie's goal, resulting in a need for medical assistance. What's he going to do if David Mooney scores - lop his own leg off with a chainsaw?

Knight in shining armour... So impressive was the Orient performance tonight that pretty much the whole team could stake a claim to the man of the match award. Allsop, Chorley, Griffith, Lisbie, Brunt and Smith were all particularly good, but let's focus on Dean Cox. Playing on the left in the second half he repeatedly got on the ball and created opportunities by cutting inside - much as he did throughout the 2010/11 season. Which begs the question as to why Slade persisted with playing him in the middle for so long, a decision akin to convincing Al Pacino to star in an amateur dramatic production of The Mousetrap, only to assign him the role of the corpse.

Pantomime horse... No bad performances from any of the Orient team tonight, but one-time Premier League referee Keith Stroud made up for it with a series of increasingly bizarre decisions, not least his denial of an Orient penalty when Nathan Ralph brought Ryan Brunt to the ground with all the finesse of an inebriated Somerset farm hand attacking a love rival with an oversized scythe.

In the dug out... When Yeovil pulled the score back to 2-1 just after half-time it looked for a moment as if we might be heading for a repeat of last season's soul-destroying capitulation to the Somerset side. But, fair play to Russell, he had a smile on his face tonight, so either everything was going to plan or Kevin Dearden was reworking his much-loved comedy routine of repeatedly breaking wind and then pointing at Marc Laird accusingly.

View from the opposition... "Orient passed the ball well and really capitalised on some poor Yeovil defending," says Glovers fan Sheridan Robins. "Your number nine always looked a threat and we failed to deal with him. Orient looked a better side than last season but if Yeovil had scored when on top at 2-1 I think it would have been a different story as your heads would have dropped."

Meanwhile on Twitter... Os fans could do far worse than following Lee Cook. The diminutive winger mixes incisive analysis of celebrity women - "Kelly Brook #withoutthembangersyouwouldworkindixons" and "Mila kunis looks as ropey as shit in the papers today!", for example -  with horrifying tales of mowing down innocent animals in Essex: "Bare road kill in woodford! So far 2 squirrels and a rabbit in a pickle!" It's like George Porter meets Ray Mears.

Statto corner... Tonight Orient amassed more shots on goal in a single game than they managed throughout the entire 2011/12 season.

Stevenage 0 Leyton Orient 1, 2/1/12

Michael Bostwick tackles Marc Laird

A game in which... Orient mistakenly turned up expecting to play a football match, only to discover that in fact they were tasked with taking part in an ancient Hertfordshire ritual in which seven-foot locals kick 11 out-of-towners up in the air for 90 minutes to celebrate the New Year.

Yes, in some ways this was an even more satisfying victory than against Charlton, given that for the majority of the second half Orient had only 10 men to counter the 11 Stevenage players who'd been recently chiselled out of local granite in preparation for the day's game. Battle-hardened in defence, savvy in midfield and staying true to their ball-playing principles, this was a heroic win for the Os. Respect.

Moment of magic... Lee Cook's first goal for Orient. The on-loan winger has been improving every game he plays and today showed his class with a deftly-taken goal.

Moment of madness... You can see what Marc Laird, with his back to goal in the Stevenage penalty area, was thinking as the ball arrowed towards him: "This is my big moment. I've struggled to win over the fans so far, but remember Chris Tate? He was equally unconvincing until an overhead kick at Barnet ignited his Orient career. If only I could do the same. Here goes..." Unfortunately Laird's bicycle effort went straight at the keeper so it'll be a while before he's accorded cult hero status at Brisbane Road. Don't hold your breath though...

King for a day... Forbes, Spring, Dawson, McSweeney and Cook were all superb, but the man of match has to be Scott Cuthbert, whose performance was so full of grit that they could use him to de-ice all the roads in Essex for the entire winter. Not many central defenders get their own terrace chant, as Cuthbert did today, but the former Swindon man has been absolutely immense of late. One particular last-ditch tackle on Chuks Aneke - a Stevenage substitute rather than a new range of Japanese confectionery - was sumptuously timed.

Pantomime horse... Jimmy Smith put in yet another anonymous performance today, having... Oh, what, hang on, he wasn't playing? In which case, the only pantomime horse was man-in-the-middle Darren Sheldrake, who was to refereeing what Russell Brand is to fidelity. This blog details his car crash of a performance superbly.

In the dug out... There was a fair amount of head-scratching among Orient fans when the team was announced - Mooney on his own up front, Laird in the middle - but fair play to big Russ, he got it bang on today. Presumably in preparation for Stevenage's tactics his training sessions involved dropping boulders down on the team from great height while Kevin Nugent tried to tackle them with a combine harvester.

A word on the opposition... When Stevenage came to Brisbane Road they looked tough, physical and well-organised. Today they looked tough, physical and psychopathic. Until, that is, Ben Chorley had the temerity to retaliate, upon which Chris Beardsley went down screaming like an attention-seeking schoolgirl who'd slightly grazed her knee after stumbling during a game of kiss chase. Fair play to Stevenage, though, their brand of football has taken them higher up the league than Orient, but today was surely an off day for them, given that they managed not a single shot on target despite their numerical advantage.

Meanwhile on Twitter... A hilarious and revealing insight into the tomfoolery that goes on in the Orient dressing room, courtesy of George Porter who tweeted "Best banter to date!!!!" and uploaded this picture in which some wags have covered half of Stephen Dawson's name so that his shirt simply reads 'Son'. (In witty reference to his supposed relationship with Russell Slade.) You don't have to be mad to work at Orient... (wait for it)... But it helps!

Lesson for the day... Charlton came to out-football Orient and lost. Stevenage set out to rearrange Orient's internal organs and lost. Is there any way to beat the Os these days? Here's hoping no one figures it out for some time to come...