Leyton Orient 0 Barnsley 0, 17/3/15

A game in which... Orient did not concede a goal. Even though Barnsley are a classy side. Even though they had set pieces. Even though they went down to ten men.

And given that for the majority of the season our defence has been leaking like someone trying to collect water with a sieve from the foot of the Niagara Falls, this is some achievement. So, yeah, we didn't score ourselves either but God knows the players gave it their best shot and created enough chances to have emerged worthy winners. A point is better than none, but it's the performance that should give us all hope we can survive.

Jump off your seat moment... Picture what it might look like if you tried to raise a crumbling skyscraper a couple of millimetres off the ground using a car jack. This is some approximation of the moment Darius Henderson heaved himself towards a perfect Andrea Dossena cross, bits of plaster falling from him as he did so. The goal was gaping, yet somehow the big striker contrived to miss.

Give that man a medal... More excellence from Ryan Hedges, Luke O'Neill, Josh Wright and Alex Cisak tonight, but let's take a moment to discuss Nathan Clarke. Now, the club captain has come in for a lot of stick this season – some of it pretty disrespectful – simply because almost every single goal we've conceded has been due to a catastrophic error on his part. But tonight he was down to his no-nonsense best and has a clean sheet to show for it.

Taxi for... Take a look at this photo. You'd be pretty embarrassed if that was your brother, right? Well it is Josh Wright's brother, but that isn't one millionth as embarrassing as the corner Josh took in the first half in which he managed to stumble over the corner flag, scuff the ball a yard in front of him and then stand around sheepishly while his team mates came to the rescue. As they'd say on The Only Way Is Essex: awkward.

"Fuck the technical shit"... Were Fabio Liverani piloting a commercial airliner, I suspect he would spend the entire flight maniacally insisting that the cabin crew move the drinks trolleys two or three millimetres to the left while failing to notice that his plane was plummeting into the sea. What I'm saying here is that the Italian likes to incessantly and pointlessly micro-manage for the duration of each game. But while Orient carrying on playing as they are at the moment, I'm going to trust that he has some idea of what he's doing.

Kevin and his two brothers 

Meanwhile on Twitter... Plenty of tributes to Kevin Lisbie, who may have played his last game in an Orient shirt having gone out on loan to Stevenage. "Words can't describe how much I'll miss Lis," wrote Dean Cox, before going on to use words to describe how much he'll miss Lis: "Great bloke and absolute legend." Matt Porter, meanwhile, said: "Sometimes you get lucky with signings. Kevin Lisbie lived round the corner from the training ground", almost as if the club had no coherent scouting policy even before the Italians turned up. What is true is that there appears to be universal appreciation for a great player, a great club man and a great professional. Kev, we'll miss you.

Leyton Orient 0 Bradford City 2, 18/2/15

A game in which... Leyton Orient's players gave up defending for Lent. I'm joking of course – they actually gave up defending in August. Yep, after the false dawn of Saturday's victory over Chesterfield it was back to business as usual as a disorganised defence shipped their trademark two goals before half-time.

So that left the home side needing a miracle of Biblical proportions to overturn the deficit and I don't think even an omnipotent God has the power to defer victory on a team containing Bradley Pritchard and Marvin Bartley. Is there still hope of a resurrection? If Liverani is our saviour, I'm a devout unbeliever.

Jump off your seat moment... As a result of Fabio Liverani's innovative second-half tactic of "Just fucking lump it into the box and hope for the best, it's all I've got fellas" (translation courtesy of goalkeeping coach Rob Gagliardi) Orient did inadvertently force a couple of goal-mouth scrambles. Which was sort of mildly diverting in a similar way to observing someone struggle to keep their hat on in a strong wind, or watching a retarded puppy chasing its own tail. Which is something of a metaphor for... no, I can't even be bothered.

Give that man a medal... Various calls among Orient fans to make Marvin Bartley man of the match, which is a bit like awarding the Nobel Peace Prize to North Korea's Kim Jong-Un simply because he didn't happen to have anyone assassinated for 90 minutes on a Wednesday night. If it has to be someone, I'd give it to Omozusi.

Nathan Clarke had trouble against Hanson

Taxi for... Not the best night for Nathan Clarke who, due to a mistranslation of Fabio Liverani's instructions, was under the impression he was to be marking the 90s pop trio Hanson rather than the Bradford striker of the same name. Surely only this could explain why his performance hit such a low note?

"Fuck the technical shit"... Fabio Liverani continues to offer no evidence he has any idea what he's doing, which is perhaps to be expected given he has no experience, no track record and no knowledge of the league, the country, the players or the opposition. And what the hell is his aversion to Hedges? Did Liverani suffer some horrific gardening accident while practising topiary back in Italy? And why is he so reluctant to play with any width? The players were trying out there on the pitch, but it was quite clear that the team selection, the tactics (or lack of), the organisation and the communication weren't right. Still, he's good at waving his arms about, so every cloud...

Meanwhile on Twitter... Nice work from the E10 Mess crew who created a series of Orient-themed Valentine's Day cards earlier this week. My personal favourite was this Gianvito Plasmati-inspired one which I intended to give to my wife, but found myself strangely rooted to the spot while she breezed past me, then I twisted my ankle as I reluctantly began to trudge after her. Coincidence? I think not.

Leyton Orient 2 Coventry City 2, 1/11/14

A game in which... it became apparent that there must be some sort of hoodoo upon Brisbane Road that prevents Orient from ever winning a home game. Perhaps the stadium was erected upon an ancient Indian burial ground and the Gods are displeased? Perhaps a terrible tragedy unfolded on the land in medieval times? Or perhaps the reasons are less the plot of a Stephen King novel and more that we're, well, just a bit shit?

Sigh. In truth there were further signs of improvement. In the first half Orient dominated possession, though only had one shot off target to show for it. In the second the team showed admirable spirit and bluster to come back from behind to lead 2-1, only to blow it at the death. Still, I think better things are to come from this squad, although (KLAXON! I'm about to run with the Stephen King analogies here) expect more Misery before they're really Shining.

Nathan Clarke 

Jump off your seat moment... Two actually. The first a jaw-dropping slide tackle from Mathieu Baudry in the first half that swept the ball away from Coventry's Gary Madine just as he was about to puncture the Orient net. The second a Benny Hill-esque combination of misjudgment and slip from Nathan Clarke that led to the visitors' first goal. I use these two contrasting incidents to illustrate a point: we still have very classy defenders in our squad, and if they can somehow eradicate the momentary lapses then we may have a foundation for climbing the table.

Give that man a medal... And talking of the defence, what a man Scott Cuthbert is. Whether crunching into tackles on the touchline, rising majestically like Ben Nevis to head Orient into the lead or growing a thick beard 20 minutes before the start of today's game simply through the power he has over his own testosterone, the Scotsman will be fundamental to the success or otherwise of the rest of this season.

Taxi for... Were it not for the fact that Jobi McAnuff bucked his ideas up for a 15-minute spell in the second half by God he would be feeling the full force of one of my metaphors likening him to a widely-mocked X-Factor contestant. As it is, the fact that he does momentarily display flashes of the class that you'd expect of a one-time Premier League captain makes it even more bewildering that the winger is offering so little in an Orient shirt.

"Fuck the technical shit"... Mauro Milanese showed that he truly appreciated the long tradition of Orient managers by sending out his players in 4-4-2 formation and hoping for the best. To be fair to him he's got the team trying to play more football along the floor – albeit at the moment mostly in a quadrangle between the defence and the goalkeeper – and he appears to have instilled a bit more passion into them. What a shame, then, that if his side lose to Oldham next week then he's likely to be replaced by, oh I don't know, Ada Martin the kit man in Francisco Becchetti's ever-patient search for stability and success.

Meanwhile on Twitter... Hey, what's this: a message from ex-Orient keeper Jamie Jones to fans of the club that paid his wages for six years and gave him the opportunity to make a career in professional football. A heartfelt vote of thanks? A stirring statement of support? Erm, no, this actually: "Another home win for you today? O wait... No it wasn't. Enjoy your relegation battle." I leave it to fan Edina to summarise the general reaction to this far more eloquently than I could: "What a muggy little c**t."

GUEST BLOG! Leyton Orient 1 Chesterfield 2, 9/8/14

Who apart from every single Orient fan in the entire universe could have predicted we'd end up losing our first game of the season? Still, what do I care, I'm still in Berlin. Andy Brown, however, drew the short straw and was in attendance at Brisbane Road. Here's his view...

Expectations were this high

A game in which... Expectations were higher than Lindsey Lohan in a hot air balloon, given that our new Italian owner has pushed Orient’s annual wage bill from £20 and a packet of Twiglets to £50 billion in one summer.

So intense was the pressure on Russell Slade that Orient resorted to a Faustian pact with the dark Lords of the betting underworld in order to guarantee success. Instead, they ended up with a back four that looked like they’d met in the pub 20 minutes before kick-off.

Yup, this performance looked very much like a hangover from the play-offs, with an out-of-sorts back four, a midfield lacking creativity and forwards that looked blunt.

On the upside, it was the first game of the season, Legzdins, McAnuff and Henderson looked good and there’s a long way to go. So nobody is panicking yet, right?

Nathan Clarke in action

Jump off your seat moment… Nathan Clarke has been a pillar at the heart of the Orient defence so it was strange to see him outmuscled, outfought and frequently out of position all game. To cap off an out-of-sorts display, he opted to do his best LeBron James impression to twist and catch the ball as it was going over his head, preventing Chesterfield scoring. He was lucky to only get a yellow card.

Give that man a medal… Darius Henderson made the best Orient substitute appearance since Jonathan “KFC” Tehoue with the kind of physical performance that said “Fuck this, I’m going to let them know they’re in a game”. He scored a point blank rebound, something that Lisbie, Pritchard and others were incapable of doing at any other time during the game.

Taxi for… It was the first game and all that, but Orient’s defensive quartet (sounds more effete than back four, and they were) played with all the disciplined rigidity of an ice cream on a sun lounger (maybe forgiving Elliot Omozusi, who, despite having his pocket picked once, saved Orient a few times).

It’s early days, but suffice it to say it will be good to have Scott Cuthbert back in defence and the sooner the better. As for the others, hopefully this was the reminder they needed that the season started today.

“Fuck the technical shit”… “It wasn’t a bad performance but we need to improve in every area,” said the Riddler aka Russell Slade in a slightly bizarre and contradictory post-match interview. Plan A in the first half looked very much like last season, good passing and forward play, despite woeful finishing.

However, in the second half Plan B involved hoofing the ball high and long in the vain hope someone other than the Chesterfield centre halves would get to the ball first, which only changed when Henderson came on.

Not a vintage performance by any stretch, although McAnuff and Henderson showed promise in a tactical move that screamed “Shit, this lot are earning massive wages, I’d better get them on the pitch.”

Meanwhile on Twitter… Os fans waited all summer for a new shirt and sponsor, and when the deal with 666 Bet was finally revealed it presented an ideal opportunity for some amusing devil-related Photoshop tomfoolery. The Mirror picked up on the club’s rebranding as “Satan Orient” but it was Orient fan Lee who gets the plaudits this week for his superb re-imagining of Russell Slade as the Dark Lord with the new shirt.

Play-off preview: Leyton Orient v Peterborough United head to head

Leyton Orient have the looks, Peterborough have the money. But who is better placed to advance to Wembley through the play-off semi-finals? 

I thought I'd find out by scientifically* matching up the teams' relative attributes. However, since it was only a week ago that I discovered Peterborough were actually in the same division as us – I thought they were in League Two – I know literally nothing about them. Luckily James Masters is a proper journalist for The Times and stuff, so he's written all the bits about the Posh players... 

(*unscientifically) 

The Cats

Jamie Jones versus Bobby Olejnik

Jamie Jones

Former Everton trainee Jamie Jones guards the Orient net like a Scouser fiercely protecting his six-pack of Tesco own-brand lager from fellow guests at a Toxteth house party. Take a shot at Jamie and he’ll almost certainly save it; drop a ball from a great height and he’ll almost certainly waft a punch at it like a nine-year-old girl half-heartedly trying to burst a pinata. But never mind that: Jones is Orient’s best goalkeeper in years – maybe ever – and his prowess could prove critical.   

Score: 8/10

Bobby Olejnik

Bobby – or 'B.O' as the kids in the changing rooms at school are alleged to have called him – was born in Vienna where he became a national dancing champion with his famous waltz. Little Bobby’s quick dancing feet and 'can, can' attitude has made him a favourite at Posh where he was named player of the year and celebrated by busting moves to Haydn, Mozart and Schubert.  

Score: 9/10

The Rocks

Nathan Clarke versus Jack Baldwin

Nathan Clarke

A towering physique, threatening tattoos and a look of cold, hard terror in his eyes... which makes it all the more strange that when Nathan Clarke opens his mouth he sounds like an ageing bit-part actress from Coronation Street. Luckily the only words he needs to say on the pitch are: "Shit lads we’re losing, I’m going to luzz it into the mixer so get your fookin’ nonces on it."  Not much gets past Orient’s Captain Fantastic, so the Posh will have their work cut out.

Score: 9/10

Jack Baldwin

JB is the defensive rock – the young wolf who keeps the back door slammed shut. He cost £500,000 from Hartlepool earlier this season, a figure so large nobody in Leyton has ever managed to count to it. Balders, who ironically is well endowed in the follicle department, was actually born in Redbridge but was never welcomed at Orient – a club where there’s only room for one bald winner.

Score 8/10

The Engines

Romain Vincelot versus Michael Bostwick 

Romain Vincelot

Watching Romain Vincelot go about his job you’re minded not just of a footballer, but of an over-zealous French serial killer frantically trying to cover his tracks by eradicating all the witnesses to his many crimes. Yes, the immaculately-bearded midfielder is everywhere, tearing into opponents, breaking up their play and amassing enough yellow cards to build them into a full-sized replica of the Pyramids of Giza. This guy is immense.

Score: 8/10

Michael Bostwick

Posh’s enforcer, known as 'The Boss' because of his unyielding desire for victory and not his range of Hugo Boss underwear, is well known to O’s supporters. It’s unclear whether Bostwick has taken out an injunction over what I’m about to tell you…but he used to play for Stevenage. I say play, he used to run up and down while the ball went over his head. Posh paid £800,000 for him – imagine how many Bovril lids Orient could buy with that.

Score: 8/10

The Prima Donnas

Dean Cox versus Nathaniel Mendez-Laing 

Dean Cox

Orient's diminutive winger has a special talent – and I don't just mean his ability to enter and leave buildings via the cat flap. So far this season Tiny has 15 goals and 13 assists - the most in League One - proving he's absolutely critical to the success of the Os. Recently Russell Slade has been playing Cox in a position called "just fucking run about and try to do something" rather than on the wing, but wherever he's stationed, he's sure to be a threat. 

Score: 9/10

Nathaniel Mendez-Laing

Pies, doughnuts and a lifetime supply of Ben and Jerry’s – those are just three of the guilty pleasures which may or may not have contributed to NML turning up to pre-season a bit heavier than he was supposed to. His talent has never been in doubt but neither has his ability to seek trouble – as he did in November 2012 when he was cautioned by police after a wild night out and promptly transfer-listed. It is unclear if he escaped by eating his way out of the cell.

Score: 7/10

The Marksmen

David Mooney versus Britt Assomalonga 

David Mooney

Over David Mooney's time at Orient he has metamorphosied from a slow-moving caterpillar – all criss-crossed legs and malfunctioning antennae – to a beautiful butterfly, soaring to the top of the League One scoring charts in the early part of this season. Since chipping the keeper at Swindon back in November, Moon's will now only ever attempt to score through the medium of a lob. Despite this he remains a major threat. 

Score: 8/10

Britt Assombalonga

There are not many men fortunate enough to share a name with Jewish ritual circumcision but Britt is not any ordinary man. This guy, rather aptly, has so much cutting edge that he can scythe through the spurious bullshit espoused by UKIP on a daily basis. He cost a cool £1.5 million from Watford but his 17-point scrabble surname means he’s always a favourite at the local old-aged home.

Score: 9/10

The Gaffers

Russell Slade versus Darren Ferguson 

Russell Slade 

Legend has it that Russell Slade broke into football management only after erroneously turning up at Notts County's Meadow Lane when intending to interview for an assistant head of PE position at the nearby Nottingham Girls' High School. And when I say "legend", I mean I have made this up. But a lack of playing pedigree hasn’t stopped the balding Berkshire man from crafting a team of free transfers into Championship prospects – a feat that puts him right up there with the best football managers of the moment. 

Score: 9/10

Darren Ferguson

When Darren Ferguson retires he’d like to move to Turkey and become an expert in kebabs – that’s the word on the street in Leyton. What other explanation could there be for his constant presence in local haunt, Anatolia, on Leyton High Road, which even has its own shrine to Fergie in the gents toilets with a personalised hairdryer. It has also been revealed that every time Fergie washes his hands, he looks in the mirror, waves and says, 'Halloumi'.

Score: 8/10

And the final score? 

Leyton Orient: 51/60 

Peterborough United: 49/60

And THAT'S science so you can't even argue with it. Bring on Wembley! 

GUEST POST! Walsall 1 Leyton Orient 1, 21/3/14

Frankly I'm disgusted that Orient are only third in League One with eight games to go and refuse to return from Berlin until they win the Champions League. Luckily Andy Brown - Orient blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - has no such morals and filed this report from Walsall...

A game in which… Orient spent the first 30 minutes looking as clued up as a Malaysian transport minister at a press conference, but by the second half better resembled the Russian special forces attacking a Crimean air base. Yup, another “game of two halves” saw Orient bludgeon their way to a frankly undeserved draw, highlighted by the fact that Captain Clarke once again hit the back of the net (I know, his goals are like buses).

With the team suffering an apparent hangover from last week’s demoralising defeat, Orient started off without any sort of purpose, giving possession away at every opportunity. They stepped up the pressure second half - mainly via a series of long, aimless balls forwards - and on the rare occasions they did get hold of the ball they looked like they might do something, but Walsall always looked a threat on the counter-attack. In summary, the performance suggests that the team is running out of steam and the management team out of ideas… let’s hope not!

Moment of magic... Eldin Jakupovic’s stunning double save down to his right to tip a shot onto the post and then his reaction to dive at Westcarr’s feet to save the follow-up. In retrospect it earned Orient a point, as they should have been 2-0 down in the first 30 minutes.

Referee Tim Robinson

Moment of madness... Referee Tim Robinson’s baffling “senior moment” in the first half. He stopped the game in a the middle of a promising O’s attack to tell Baudry and Downing off for holding, but did not wait until the ball was dead and with no foul given, he gave a drop ball to the utter bafflement of everyone in the ground and much to the irritation of Os fans and players.

Top gun… It was tough to pick a top performer with Orient having an off-day. Our best players were Baudry, who had a decent game on his return from injury, while Jamie Ness made a real impact when he replaced the utterly ineffective Lloyd James in the second half. Jakupovic once again made big saves when he had to make them.

Little donkeys... Precious fans that dish it out but can’t take it. The small group of Walsall supporters who surrounded a prone Moses Odubajo after a collision with the Walsall keeper by the goal, hurling abuse at him, and had to be held back by a chain of stewards, only to suggest the O’s winger should be banned later on. “Moses Odubajo should be reported to the FA for telling a small section of Walsall fans to f**k off” said Vital Walsall, while Matt replied with what I can only hope was tongue in cheek: “Definitely! Clearly read his lips from the back row of block 3. Ref seemed to ignore it as well; he was right next to him”

In the dugout... “We can only do our best” commented Russell Slade when questioned about Wolves and Brentford’s wins which saw the Os slip further behind the top two. No offence Russell, but if this is our best, I’d hate to see our worst. Walsall are a good side that matched Orient at Brisbane Road with ten men, so nobody expected a walkover, but with 7+ players playing below par, Orient were lucky to get a point.

View from the opposition... Vital Walsall was pretty generous about the game: “Result was fair to be honest. Orient dominated last 55 minutes of the game. They could have had a penalty and even snatched it at end." But Michael Tapper disagreed: “I disagree with the fair comment. I thought we made them look like a pub team”. Really? In truth Orient were somewhere in the middle, failed to get their passing game going and played the ball long far too often.

PA announcer of the week… Radcliffe Borough’s PA announcer getting in a twist with his words in a Northern Premier League Division One North game against Lancaster City. Why? Because players and fans from nearby Ramsbottom United had turned up for a fight after their match against Farsley was postponed.

GUEST POST! Port Vale 0 Leyton Orient 2, 11/3/14

I tried to get to this game by boat, until it turned out there is no port in Port Vale - let alone a vale. But don't worry, because Andy Brown - Orient blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - had no such transport issues and gave this account of the game...

Jakupovic, Cuthbert and Clarke

A game which... witnessed a sight rarer than Lord Lucan riding Shergar (no, not an Os away win, we’ve been spoilt with those this season, making up for almost the entire 90s), but a goal for our very own northern rock Nathan Clarke. It brought his Os career tally to a magnificent  1 in 70 matches.

A frenetic end-to-end contest on an expansive pitch also featured a moment of class from Mooney, Moses and Cox, combined with the kind of staunch defensive rear guard action that would have kept the Guns of Navarone out, never mind the best efforts of Vale’s Pope and Loft.

The Os looked slick, but after the break Vale had two goals disallowed. In both cases the officials called it early but it spurred Vale on as Myrie-Williams, Loft and Pope were a constant threat, but brilliant goalkeeping, defending and a Clarke header settled it to make it 22 wins for the season and the perfect lead into the crunch clash with Brentford.

Moment of magic... Despite Dean Cox’s sublime finish it needs to go to Lloyd James’ point blank defensive header off the line. It kept the one-goal lead at a time when Orient were under significant pressure and typified the courageous and steely determination displayed by the Orient backline all game.

Moment of madness... In the closing stages, Chris Dagnall burst through with only the keeper to beat but bizarrely scuffed his shot wide. It would have allowed all Os fans to breathe easily rather than endure a stressful end to the game, even though Dagnall’s effort couldn’t be faulted. As one fan described it: “He’s worked hard all game, but if it had been 0-0, I would have gone on the pitch and punched him.”

Top gun... Eldin Jakupovic made numerous brilliant saves, which is becoming the norm for the big Bosnian (and prompting a surge in Bosnian flag sales which should be in evidence on Saturday). However, notable mentions for Clarke, Omozusi, Cuthbert and a massively improved Sawyer who worked tirelessly to keep a very quick, fit and determined Port Vale at bay.

Don't let the sad eyes fool you

Little donkey(s)... Boomer the Staffordshire Bull Terrier, Port Vale’s mascot, who's about as friendly as the “Home Fans only” pubs. He started off the “banter” by urinating on both of Orient’s goalposts before having a pop at fans. Good to see the novelty buffoon head in paws at the end!

In the dugout... Slade rarely gets it wrong these days, and set up to take advantage of the width on a decent pitch. Mooney provided intelligence and spark up front and the Os' attack looked purposeful all game. The only forced change was Bartley for Vincelot, while Batt’s arrival for Mooney on 73 provided something different as it always does, and the leggy forward stretched Vale in the closing stages.

View from the opposition... Port Vale manager Micky Adams was pretty much spot on with his observations: "We just didn't have the luck in front of goal that you need from time to time, and their keeper played particularly well, especially in the second half. We are disappointed to come away with nothing, but we have given them a good game."

Tweet of the week.... According to Joe de Freitas, our very own Battman fancies himself as Andy Warhol. Make your own mind up…

GUEST POST! Preston North End 1 Leyton Orient 1, 15/2/14

So last weekend I did a 1,000-mile round trip to watch Orient lose to Peterborough in the dying moments of the game. Won't be doing that again. But don't worry, because once again Andy Brown - Orient blogger for WAGU and The Two Unfortunates - is here to give us his view on the Os' trip to Preston...

Preston's Craigggggg Davies

A game in which… the match (and the officials) were overshadowed (and overwhelmed) by the passing away of Sir Tom Finney, a football legend and Preston hero. And, naturally, like all big occasions, it played out like two terriers squabbling over a squeaky toy for 90 minutes. 

The game also saw the much-heralded return of Eldin Jakupovic, Lloyd James back in the midfield, Shaun “Battman” Batt on the bench and Romain Vincelot sporting a shorter haircut, as he'd figured out something drastic was needed after three less “Samson-like” performances. 

The game itself was largely forgettable. Preston had marginally more chances, and with the help of the officials ended up with a draw from a suspect penalty. Orient looked far better organised but failed to string much together in the way of passing, though they were only denied three points by “Bambi-on-Ice” star Craig Davies.

Moment of magic... Kevin Lisbie defied gravity to majestically soar 10 feet above two giant Preston defenders to knock down a long ball perfectly into the path of Baudry to drill home for 1-0, suggesting that he could easily have picked basketball instead of football, with a calculated hang time of at least five seconds.   

  

Moment of madness... Preston keeper Declan Rudd’s superb star jump save from three metres outside his box that stopped a drilled goal-bound shot from going in, that was “missed” by referee Whitestone. Meanwhile Os fans are hoping to get some Preston “invisibility dust” in time for two important home games coming up against Stevenage and Swindon.

Nathan Clarke

Top gun... A tough one. It was either Matthieu Baudry (unfortunate penalty notwithstanding), who was Orient’s best attacking threat all game, had a great volley saved and scored a cracking drilled shot; or freshly signed contract-man, Captain (Nathan) Clarke. Peerless at the back, he played with all the stature of a jolly green giant, heading away anything and everything that Preston could throw at him.

Little donkey(s)... goes to referee Mr Whitestone and his linesmen, who decided that given the magnitude of the occasion the normal rules of football should not apply. This includes fouls, goalkeepers handballing a long way outside the area and Craig Davies’ impression of a ragdoll every time he got close to, or inside, Orient’s 18-yard box. 

In the dugout... Russell Slade made the changes needed to shore things up after some unconvincing recent performances and unwise comments about fans “staying away” after sarcastic applause directed at Shwan “butter fingers” Jalal against Bristol City. He wasn’t happy with the result though, claiming a dive from Davies and a blatant handball from the keeper. Good to see Russell was watching, even if the officials were not.

View from the opposition... Naturally the game was secondary for Simon Grayson as all media questions were about Tom Finney. Grayson said: “It was absolutely fantastic here today. It was very sad news last night but as a mark of the man, people have shown their respects all across different football clubs."

Craig Delew keeps his word

Tweet of the week.... A cracker this week, as Orient fan Craig Delew said he would personally clean the dust off the East Stand seats if Eldin Jakupovic came back to the club. He was true to his word! 

I also promised to give top Os fan Darwin Dan a shout. If he hadn’t got us that taxi, we might never have made the game for kickoff-top man, Dan.

Wolverhampton Wanderers 1 Leyton Orient 1, 29/12/13

Wolves' pre-match meal

A game in which... the paupers of Leyton just about scraped together enough cash to afford the bus fare to the Midlands to face the fat cats of Wolverhampton, a team so flushed with riches that they eat Alba truffles, beluga caviar and raw hard cash for their pre-match meal and receive payments from the Premier League specifically to buy parachutes. (That's right, isn't it?)

And yet in the second half - despite the fact the entire Orient squad now contains only 13 fit senior pros - it was the away side who were dominating and who looked more likely to win the game. An incredible achievement and yet again a testament to the sheer gutsy resolve of this brilliant team.

What's that? Oh, the first half. Well, Wolves could have been 28-0 up. But if you can't get the ball in the net with a strike force that costs more than the GDP of a medium-sized central European country, you've only got yourself to blame.

Moment of magic... The moment Mathieu Baudry inexplicably found himself in the opposition penalty area experiencing a typically French existential crisis. Just as the defender asked himself 'Why am I here?' the ball arrived at his feet via a sublime Moses Odubajo cross and he was able to tap the ball into the net. C'est pourquoi vous y etiez, Mathieu.

Moment of madness... The moment in the second half when an exposed Jake Larkins found the entire Wolverhampton team charging towards him, £50 notes fluttering from their pockets, after a botched Orient corner. His double save - first from Kevin MacDonald, then from the rebound at the feet of James Henry - was brilliant and epitomised what was for the most part a highly impressive performance by the youngster. 

Top gun... Sawyer, Omozusi, Cox, Simpson and Odubajo all impressed - and Lisbie worked tirelessly - but once again the man of the match was Nathan Clarke. In the first half his performance was that of the captain of a sinking ocean liner single-handedly trying to plug every leak while his terror-stricken crew mates throw themselves into lifeboats and get the hell out of there. He was immense. 

Mathieu Baudry

Little donkey... Putting aside his goal and a much-improved second-half performance, Mathieu Baudry was all over the place in the first half. Whereas once the Frenchman was a gallant musketeer picking off opponents with little more than an inquisitively-raised eyebrow, over the last few games he's been more of an inexperienced Parisian mime artist desperately failing to impress drunken tourists outside the Eiffel Tower. 

In the dug out... To be fair to Russell Slade, like a brothel owner in the midst of clap epidemic, he hasn't exactly got much to work with in terms of fit professionals. But interestingly Orient performed much better after Vincelot's injury forced a reshuffle. What's clear is that Omozusi and Odubajo is the most compelling combination on the right, and given that Sawyer is in good form Slade may have to bite the bullet and leave either Baudry or Cuthbert on the bench. Tough decision, probably made easier by the fact it's unlikely both of them will actually be fit at the same time anyway. 

View from the opposition... "You're just a bus stop in West Ham" chanted the 26,000 home fans in one of the more inventive taunts of Orient. Tweeter @wolves_gossip put it less wittily: "Awww poor Orient fans, they've never won anything and now they've drawn to us they think they've the best team in Europe." Well, no, but forgive us our pleasure for matching a club who pay substitute Kevin Doyle more to get his eyelashes waxed than we can afford to pay our entire squad put together. 

Tweet of the week.... I hate to do this to you, Os fans, but with good comes bad, with yin comes yang, and it is my solemn duty to report that ranting taxi driver, social commentator and one-time football manager John Sitton has, for reasons known only to him and the Devil, tweeted a photo of himself naked. If you're of a nervous disposition, look away now... 

Leyton Orient 2 Crawley Town 3, 21/12/13

A game in which... Crawley proved they are so much more than Orient's bogey team - more like a huge, festering globule of mucus stuck up the nasal cavity of League One. No offence, hey, because in fact the West Sussex side were worth the three points.

So Orient aren't hitting the heights of their early season form of late - no victories in the last four league games - but then again we'll be top of the league on 25 December. And back in August, even if the news emerged that Santa had developed a debilitating addiction to crystal meth, no one would have expected the bearded fella to deliver a gift like that to Brisbane Road on Christmas Day. 

Moment of magic... Nathan Clarke's goal-line clearance from Nicky Adams' lob in the second half, a physics-defying block that prevented Crawley from going 4-1 up - a scoreline that would have been as hideously embarrassing as losing a pub quiz to a team comprising Jimmy Smith and three jellyfish.

Trevor Kettle

Moment of madness... The moment the young Trevor Kettle thought to himself: "Traffic warden? Nope. Ticket inspector? Nope. Debt collector? Nope. Supreme leader of North Korea? Nope. What I really need is a career where I can wield disproportionate amounts of power and ruin thousands of people's day at the same time. I know: referee!" And while he's not the reason Orient lost, Kettle's bookings of both Batt and Alexander, plus a bizarre drop ball after Lisbie was flattened, upheld his reputation as one of the worst officials in the whole history of the entire universe.  

Top gun... Excellent effort by the aforementioned Nathan Clarke today, and Scott Cuthbert was pretty impressive too, but let's take the time to hail an unsung hero: Gary Sawyer. Yes, the left back took the opportunity of Elliot Omozusi's suspension to remind fans that while he's no Matt Lockwood or Charlie Daniels, he's worth about four Billy Joneses, or 48 billion Danny Granvilles. 

Little donkey... "Worst I played for a long time" wrote Mathieu Baudry on Twitter shortly after the game, and it's true that by his own very high standards he had something of a shocker. He was directly responsible for Crawley's third goal after giving the ball away, missed three presentable headers from corners and his distribution was uncharacteristically sloppy. Still, we can't blame the Frenchman for everything: I'm pretty sure he wasn't involved in the Gallic invasion of Britain in 1797, and he's in no way culpable for the poor quality of the latest Daft Punk album. 

In the dug out... With both Mooney and Omozusi suspended, Russell Slade hardly needed any more bad news. But when Dean Cox was also ruled out for "toothache" - apparently sulking because the tooth fairy had forgotten to leave 50 pence under his pillow - the manager really had his work cut out. Still, we were always going to have a blip at some point and despite that we're still top of the league. And, remember: Slade's teams tend to improve after Christmas, which means promotion is still a realistic ambition.

View from the opposition... "What a result against top of the league. lads worked there socks off" wrote Nicky Adams after the game, scurrying around the conventions of grammar like the tricky winger he is. The one-time Orient loanee is right though: Crawley were better than the home side across the park. Given they have a 100 per cent record against us (beating Orient home and away in 2012/13) it may be easier if we just give them the six points at the start of each season and take the opportunity to rest key players.

Tweet of the week... "Are you sure it's my 30th? Can't be," wrote ex-Orient goalkeeper Glenn Morris to his own wife on Twitter this week, suggesting that for him birthdays are just as confusing as trying to kick a football vaguely in the direction of his team mates. 

Fact of the day... It's actually scientifically impossible for Orient to beat a team containing Gary Alexander. It's known in physics as "The Law of Fat-Ass". In fact the one-time Brisbane Road striker did everything you'd expect of him today: led the line brilliantly, caused a nuisance to the defence, missed a penalty, fluffed a sitter and fell to the ground screaming like an eight-year-old girl watching The Texas Chainsaw Massacre every time he went up for a header.  

Leyton Orient 1 Rotherham 0, 26/10/13

Steve Evans

A game which... Rotherham manager Steve Evans - taking a short break from evading tax and exposing himself to women - described thus: "Second half we've dominated the league leaders from start to end. I wouldn't think Orient have been outplayed like that for a long time."

And while it's no lie that the away side did indeed huff and puff like a Saga excursion to Amsterdam's red light district, they didn't actually create any chances - a huge credit once again to Orient's beast of a defence. We're not going to win every game 4-0 this season, and there are going to be spells in games where we're under pressure, but the fact Orient yet again emerged victorious is more evidence that our promotion challenge can be sustained.

Moment of magic... Another game, another Kevin Lisbie goal - this one calmly dispatched into the net after a goalmouth scramble that bore all the quality of a school playground game of Three And In. Credit too to Super Kev for not rising to the Rotherham players' accusations of goal-hanging.

Moment of madness... The moment Dean Cox managed to miss an open goal from point-blank range in the dying seconds of the game. Admittedly Rotherham goalkeeper Adam Collin did pull off a physics-defying save, but Tiny's sure to be punishing himself for not putting the match to bed - probably by throwing darts at one of the 47 photos of himself that decorate his house.

Top gun... The Orient defence today were missing the Gallic elegance of Mathieu Baudry but were just as resolute in repelling Rotherham's feisty second-half display. Sawyer, Omozusi and Cuthbert were all superb, but once again Nathan Clarke proved he excels at all four of the requirements of a League One defender: brute force; lumping the ball up the pitch; hurling in long throws; tattoos.

#awkward

Little donkey... [Once again I have to point out that this section of my blog is suspended until any of the team actually start playing badly. In the meantime have this classic photo of Dean Cox in a onesie, which is always worth a repeat viewing.]

In the dug out... "You've got to look at the bigger picture and the smaller picture," said Russell Slade after the game, presumably still trying to convince people to look at his holiday photos from Magaluf. But the manager yet again deserves huge plaudits for keeping Orient at the summit of League One and for swiftly turning down any potential advances from other clubs.

View from the opposition... "Orient fans didn't clap Revell off because he was a good servant for them," wrote Mark Hollyhead 100 per cent incorrectly. "They clapped him off because he's tripe."

Tweet of the week... Orient are getting so much media coverage at the moment, they're even appearing in Hollywood films, as noted by fan Jaime Randall: "Just watching Angels & Demons and all of a sudden the Orient boys pop up."

Johnstone's Paint Trophy: Leyton Orient 0 Coventry City 0, 8/10/13

A game which... was the perfect advert for cup sponsor Johnstone's, in that the spectacle was exactly like watching some of their paint dry. Yes, it was lucky the tickets were only £10 each because, in terms of value for money, that meant they were only £10 overpriced.

So Orient aren't hitting the heights of earlier this season and for most of the match struggled to play the final pass or construct purposeful attacks. On the plus side the defence were superb and all four penalties perfectly executed. And still no one other than a Premier League side has managed to beat us this season. Don't panic!

Moment of magic... Jamie Jones's brilliant penalty save - the first he had to make all match - and clearly inspired by the pre-shoot out pep talk from goalkeeping coach Kevin Dearden. "Right, Scouse. Chicken Cottage on Leyton High Road are doing two-for-one buckets of spicy chicken wings until 10pm so for Christ's sake save a couple so we can get the fuck out of here."

David Mooney's touch is somewhere here

Moment of madness... The moment towards the end of the match when substitute David Mooney was put clean through by Lloyd James. It would have been a certain goal, save for the fact that the Irish striker's touch didn't merely desert him, it booked a one-way flight to Australia and left without so much as a goodbye.

Top gun... Another towering performance by Nathan Clarke tonight, who's proving to be so solid at the back this season it's like having a six-foot brick wall in front of the Orient goal. Which, interestingly, Martin Ling once tried when he needed a bit more mobility than Joe Dolan could offer.

Little donkey... Yohann Lasimant - given his first start of the season tonight - certainly looks cultured. But then again so does a pot of strawberry yogurt and you wouldn't ask that to try to execute a successful pass to a team mate. And while the Frenchman can certainly dribble round in circles, some end product is going to be useful if he's to contribute more this season.

The management... "We're lucky to have Samsung as a sponsor, they have given us a tablet which we used to show Jamie some clips," said Kevin Nugent after the game in a shameless attempt to blag a free Galaxy S4 smartphone to replace the battered Nokia 5110 he's had since 1998. "The lads may laugh," he added, "but none of them have scored over 4 billion on Snake."

View from the opposition... "Hope Steven Pressley sticks this up on the tactics board tomorrow," wrote Sky Blues fan Curtis Armstrong yesterday of the photo below, adding "John Fleck take note." And Fleck did indeed take note of not shooting straight at the keeper when taking his penalty. He put it wide instead.

Tweet of the week... "Why wasn't I born in Spain (Barcelona)" tweeted one-time Orient cry baby Dean Morgan plaintively this week. Pray tell why, Deano: Is it because of Gaudi's impressive modernist architecture throughout the city? Is it because of the proud history of Catalonian nationalism? Is it because of the molecular gastronomy cuisine created by the pioneering Adria brothers? Nope, apparently it's this: "I would love to play in the Nou Camp." Yep, Deano, if you'd been born in Barcelona you'd definitely have a chance of appearing at the Nou Camp. I've heard they're pretty short of stewards at the moment.

Orient by numbers... Two. The number of teeth one unfortunate press photographer has left after being clattered by Moses Odubajo in the first half. "I was lucky," he spluttered after the game. "A colleague of mine got steamrollered by Michael Symes last season. We're still trying to dig him out."

Brentford 0 Leyton Orient 2, 23/9/13

A game which... according to Brentford fans, is like a day out at Wembley for Orient supporters. And they're right: playing against a team nine places below us in League One, with a similar-sized stadium, similar-sized fan base and a similarly empty trophy cabinet certainly does rank right up there with a trip to see Joe Pasquale in pantomime at the Wembley Civic Centre. And besides, we hardly need the Bees to create buzz around Orient at the moment for we are a team in dazzling form.

Make no mistake, this was Orient's second toughest challenge of the season (the first was prising Kevin Dearden out of his canoe with an elephant-sized shoe horn and nineteen cans of WD-40 during the pre-season team-building day) and the fact that they yet again emerged victorious suggests that something very, very special is happening right now. Enjoy.

Moment of magic… Shaun Batt's deftly-finished winner. Given his goal-scoring form, it's almost criminal that the striker has to sit on the bench, but for the moment let's just revel in the fact that we've got a super-sub like the Jonathan Tehoue of 2010/11, only much fitter, faster and less likely to cause a national shortage in KFC popcorn chicken.

Moment of madness… The moment in the second half when Romain Vincelot was brutally catapulted in the air, only for referee James Linington to casually wave play on as if it's totally normal to see a bearded Frenchman attacked by a rampaging buffalo on a field in west London. Yes, Brentford were a talented, but physical side – like a Stevenage with some appreciation of the law against GBH – and it's to Orient's credit that they matched them protein shake for protein shake, despite the lack of protection from the man in black.

French humour, mais oui?

Top gun… Lloyd James was scintillating, Moses Odubajo was dangerous and Mathieu Baudry inexplicably blindfolded himself throughout the entire game for reasons perhaps best put down to the idiosyncrasies of French humour. But the stand out performer had to be Nathan Clarke, who at one point executed a flying, last-ditch tackle in the penalty area so heroic that it's likely he will be knighted by the Queen in the New Year's Honours List and thus hold the least-threatening title in the history of the realm: Arise Sir Nathan!

Little donkey…  It is currently impossible to criticise anyone in an Orient shirt, unless they're wearing it to a wedding or something, so instead let's mock MK Dons manager and tonight's TV pundit Karl Robinson. "It wasn't a penalty, la" was his take on the moment David Mooney was wrestled to the ground in the second half, the most short-sighted proclamation since a blind-drunk Jimmy Smith tried to chat up a hat stand in Faces Nightclub, Gants Hill.

In the dug out... Is there anything Russell Slade can't do at the moment? Best ever start to a season? Check. First victory at Griffin Park in 20 years? Check. Form side in Europe? Check. Miracle cure for baldness? Ch... Well, maybe next week.

Andrew Lloyd-Webber
celebrates Orient's cup final win

View from the opposition... With brazen disregard for originality, Brentford fan Issac Hawkes wrote this: "Well the Orient fans can celebrate winning their cup final tonight but they'll plummet back to mid-table where they belong." WRONG, WRONG, WRONG, ISSAC. We don't belong mid-table. We belong in and around the relegation zone. We still beat you though, hey?

Tweet of the week... This from one-time Matt Lockwood hole-filler Joe Keith: "@leytonorientfc was a great place to be with good friendly staff all around the club whilst Brentford was dreadful with shit fans as well." And, in case you weren't wondering what Joe was up to these days, it's this: "What a wonderful day to be alive. Doing housework singing along to the Arctic Monkeys and looking forward to our game against Lowestoft later." What a legend.

Orient by numbers... 5,238. The number of times the phrase "With Kevin Lisbie up top they've got a bit of experience" has been used by pundits to explain Orient's current run of success. 5,237 of them have come from Steve Claridge.

Capital One Cup: Leyton Orient 0 Hull City Tigers 1, 27/8/13

A game which... was preceded by Hull City Tigers' admirable charity campaign to highlight the dangers of botched cosmetic surgery on elderly women. Or at least it appeared so until it transpired that their brave victim was actually manager Steve Bruce. 

On the pitch Orient were yet again undone by a late Hull City Tigers goal, but that shouldn't take away from the fact that the home side dominated pretty much the whole 120 minutes. Ok, we didn't turn the pressure into a goal, but in this clash of top flight versus third tier, a casual observer would have thought that Hull City Tigers were the League One side and Orient, well, the slightly better League One side.

Moment of magic... The moment in extra time when Romain Vincelot charged into a scything tackle on the touchline then beat his chest heroically in front of the West Stand. Were it not for the fact he was tasked with controlling the midfield he'd probably have ripped apart the carcass of a wild boar with his bare teeth, downed seven flagons of ale and slept with every fair maiden in the stadium too.  

Moment of madness... The moment leading to Hull City Tigers' goal when the ball became stuck under the boot of Nathan Clarke who - at full stretch - was prone in the six-yard box. This was a rotten piece of luck - like finding yourself behind Kevin Dearden in the lunch queue - for a player who'd been imperious in defence throughout the night.

Top gun... Where to even begin? The whole back five were immense; James and Vincelot were superb in midfield; and Odubajo showed that he really should be playing against better opposition than Hull City Tigers' reserve team. But let's take a moment to remember quite what a classy player Dean Cox is. He was everywhere - which is saying something for a player whose tiny legs need 37 steps to negotiate a single metre. 

Yohann Lasimant in training

Little donkey... Why play a simple pass when you can execute an insouciant flick conceived on the beaches of Rio De Janiero? This is a question that needs to be asked of new signing and late substitute Yohann Lasimant. The boy's got talent, for sure, but he may need to tailor it towards the more earthier requirements of League One. 

The management... Unlike during some of the more 'difficult' periods of Russell Slade's reign, the manager is currently absolutely clear what his best starting XI is. Mind you, given the paucity of our squad a senile amoeba - or Jimmy Smith even - could probably name our best team. And that team is purring like a jet engine - or at least a top-of-the-range lawnmower - at the moment, which is once again credit to the job big Russ is doing. 

View from the opposition... "Orient's 1st team v #hcafc reserves remember," wrote Hull City Tigers fan Rob Wilson, rather ungraciously. "Not pretty but never troubled thanks largely to stout defending McShane style."

Tweet of the week... Cast your mind back to a time when huge hulking dinosaurs roamed the earth. Ok, maybe not that far, but at least back to 2005 when huge hulking dinosaurs roamed the Orient defence. One of those was called Joe Dolan and fans who remember his couple of appearances at Brisbane Road would perhaps be a little surprised to see Joe anywhere within a 5000-mile radius of the Premier League trophy. Yeah, well, fuck you all because this week Joe tweeted this picture after sneaking into FA Headquarters disguised as a sack of potatoes.